‘Objects in other boxes, however can conjure up memories of people and places I once cherished and loved and there is a deep sadness attached to some of them, with all the emotions associated with loss and grief – of love and remembrance …’
Getting close to the finishing line now with the sorting of some 100 30 litre boxes – trying to go with the flow and learning to accept that there will be interruptions and pauses, as the need to process things arises – ‘things’ being the deep rooted emotions often associated with particular objects. I’m starting to appreciate even more the importance of taking time to reflect and step back – to digest and process, taking my time to absorb the emotional impact of some of the things I find. And, of course, as well as the objects themselves, there are all the feelings associated with them – the passing of time, paths taken and the outcome of life choices, ageing, etc – all such thoughts around, while sifting through the paraphernalia of the past.
So, last week I took some time out to do other things – and though ‘recover’ sounds a bit melodramatic, it did feel like I needed to regain my strength before getting back into sorting again – I wanted to protect myself from becoming overwhelmed in the process. It’s not all difficult, of course – and depends a lot on what I find. Some of the boxes are full of things to which I have no emotional attachment whatsoever and the sorting’s consequently, straightforward and painless. Objects in other boxes, however can conjure up memories of people and places I once cherished and loved and there is a deep sadness attached to some of them, with all the emotions associated with loss and grief – of love and remembrance. Many of the objects have become potent vehicles for exploring such feelings – hardly surprising, then that I’ve found myself not able to face the sorting on some days, needing to take a break from becoming too immersed in the past.
I’ve also been reminded in conversations with friends, family and fellow artists recently that this entire process is part of the work and really, there is no rush – much better not to feel stressed by it and to enjoy the journey as much as I can. Having been involved in this scenario many times before however, it’s clear that it’s not always going to be enjoyable – in fact, the process can be quite upsetting at times – there is so much more involved in sifting & sorting through the boxes than the physical act.
Pressing on with it, though is crucial to my long term plan of working from home. It’s all about shuffling around and making space wherever I can. Once the boxes are fully sorted and their contents recorded, I can then start to focus on getting my working space sorted. It’s going to be quite a while but it all feels do-able – just so long as I manage it well and pace myself, both physically and emotionally, in the process.
