'I understand that this will disappoint you, but hope that you will continue with your plans to take up your place as an MA student and look forward to welcoming you to this College'
Things are looking grim. I sat up last night and looked at my options. Sitting in my dressing gown at midnight staring at the fire place, I failed to find them. So the dilemma has reared its bloody head and dropped a ton of bricks on my dreams of doing the ma. There is a vital ingredient and I now don’t have it…. money.
Does anyone know where I might turn at this stage? Does anyone else fund courses?
I wasn’t prepared for how bad this would feel and how hopeless my chances would now look; I had blocked it all out. Can I really, after all end up not doing the course? The idea makes me feel sick. But the thought of how I might do it makes me feel sick too! Expensive bank loans, rinsing my family, working every hour, living on nothing, relying on other people, setting up a sexy chat line, etc, etc….
Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it’s like having it waved in front of my face and then whipped away. I know it was really foolish of me to rely on funding but that was my only option…to hope and hope for it.
And I don’t know why I was unsuccessful. I don’t know what let me down…. The standard of work, my location, my fellowship, my age, my hair colour? What were they judging me on? I am not deserved enough. (In a pathetic whimpering voice)
I am really sorry that I am just spewing self pity on this page…but I honestly don’t know what else to do at this moment in time. Who would understand the utter frustration of it quite like other artists do?
Oh you cruel, cruel world!
Ok, so get over it start working out options…
I’ll have to get back to you on that one…..
