Keeping It Together

When you’re aware of things in your life potentially falling apart, you can go one way or the other – give up and go under, or go with the flow and somehow manage to keep your head above the water. It takes a conscious effort and a lot of patience and staying power to hang on in there – uncertainty is one of life’s hardest emotions to tolerate.

There are simply times in life when one’s faith in humanity needs restoring and these past few weeks have been such a time. Which is why I’m grateful to those who have taken the time to comment on my blog – encouraging, kind and empathetic words have instilled me with a sense of hope that everything will work itself out and be okay. I’ve had more contact with other artists over the past few days than I would in an average week in the studio, both through consciously making the effort to place myself ‘out there’ physically into the wider art community and through being active on social networks. And of course, through this blog.

I feel I’ve managed to keep it together – because for me, recent events have shown that my ‘survival’ has been as much about keeping together the community of artists to which I feel belong as it is about keeping myself and my creative practice together.

Wise words from artists like Rob Turner rob-turner.blogspot.com with a wealth of experience of working in art communities have helped enormously to keep me on track. As well as connecting me with another artist with whose work I share similarities, Rob pointed out the importance of what to him plays a fundamental part in keeping it together – to continue to create work. His words inspired me this week to carry on being an artist; creating and making in the way I know how – with or without a studio.

Consequently, ‘Belle’ was created, carefully packed and posted to Wakefield on Tuesday to help decorate a Christmas tree in a Winter Wonderland. aliceandbobcurate.wordpress.com And ‘Dust Collectors’ was started and completed as a symbol of what in real life my art materials are doing – collecting dust in a self-storage unit in deepest Deptford. ‘Dust Collectors’ is also representative of the reaction from those who have never understood the habit of collecting; those who consider anything not being used in a home as superfluous and unnecessary – ‘bloomin’ dust collectors – get rid of them!’

The generosity of spirit in response to my first ever post on this blog has been lovely to see and is also confirmation that the sharing and exploring of my ideas on Artists Talking can be done in a safe and supportive environment. Trust is paramount in order to feel truly at ease to tell it as it really is – the high points and the low of being an artist, warts and all. And so, thank you – to those who shared their thoughts with me – for a positive start and for your empathy and sensitivity.

I spent the summer taking a long hard look at the amount of stuff I have accumulated over the years. To put it into context, I have a lifetime collection of stuff – a lot of stuff! There’s a lot of me in those collections; my life in boxes – books, objects, photographs, memories of places, people, good times, not so good times – my past, secreted away.

It’s been dotted around various parts of SE London over the past five years or so following a house move, in the attics and garages of sympathetic family and friends. My former home had a large attic and an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ philosophy took over – I squirrelled it all away. I always knew I was going to do something with my collection one day and my long term aim has been (and still is!) to have it all in one space – essentially, keeping it together.

Slowly, the boxes found their way into my studio and the unravelling of a lifetime’s accumulation of possessions began. My focus over this past summer was sorting through them. Deciding what to keep versus what to get rid of became the order of many long hot sunny days. I even managed to visit and donate the book ‘Something I’ve Been Meaning To Tell You’ to The Museum Of Broken Relationships – now that felt constructive!

I always knew when I moved into my latest studio that time there was limited – however as ongoing talks and negotiations with the landlords came to an abrupt end some three weeks or so ago, we were given less than 48 hours to leave the premises. A community of artists was ripped apart and has had to find ways of coping with an upsetting & unsettling time. It’s been a rollercoaster ride of emotions – in one way or another, we’ve all been hurting.

I’ve taken solace in stacks of Bunty, Judy, Photo Love and other 1960-80s annuals from the book shelves at home. A therapist might say I’m subconsciously seeking out a happy ending … perhaps I am? I have no doubt however about how the recent chaos has forced me to focus on what’s important – what to keep, what not to keep in all senses of the word has raised its head once more and I’m left questioning again what it is that’s important. The boxes are stacked in a self-storage unit, I’m not even sure what’s in some of them or if the stuff has any relevance to my life as it is now. But I do know that it costs money to keep them there.

Keeping It Together is the start of my journey as a studioless artist. Where do I go from here? Where do I and my ‘stuff’, both literally and metaphorically, fit in? Where will I re-establish my practice and where will I feel more at home, both within myself and in relation to others?

The last ever exhibition, home, was held in the studio gallery to which my studio was attached. It’s not without irony that in its press release, home was described as:

‘fragile, transient, extraordinary, loaded … no longer a safe word but a loaded word and a delicate place, vulnerable to attack – both globally, financially and intimately.’

As a tribute to the photogaphic narratives of books such as Photo Love, the images I’ve chosen to share here follow the story of the past three weeks – from a safe place to an uncertain, chaotic one.