‘Ripple marks and essential bodies’
Portsmouth and Train to Cambridge. October 23th: Spend most of the day on admin, drawing sorting the previous weeks logging on Olympic project at British Geological Survey – light lunch – prepare to leave for Cambridge – pack bag with less ‘useful objects than normal – Not been home much in last two weeks so plenty of emails to catch up on – travel later in day hopefully to avoid the same hell on the underground as last Friday coming back from Nottingham – unfortunately don’t quite make it – take Northern line to Warren Street then change to Victoria line for Kings Cross – stand on right hand side – try to be insignificant – only a few stops open that side so won’t be in way – people don’t have concept of personal space let alone know the pain to someone with aspergers when this is breached repetitively – train packed most of the way – human ebb and flow – record station times on phone as no room for note book – out – breathe – Manage to get 3 people walking in to pull case before leaving clutches of the underground – the last guy look through me so ‘hard (was his fault) I almost feel physically abused reminiscent of the lyrics ‘if looks could kill they probably will’ – unsettled I make the train before schedule but misreading restrictions in the pocket timetable panic and leave train – wait and catch one I am meant too – delayed due to weather near Royston so arrive at Hotel later than planned – loose 2 personal achievement points – settle in but disturbed by obvious vibration/ humming noise – under any other circumstance this would be recorded, cut & manipulated as treasure then used for ‘sound work’ but this is annoying my synaesthesia deeply – intensity and modulation varies in different parts of room but worse where headboard is (of course) – sonic mystery – examine space outside room in corridor CSI style but location remains a mystery – end up sleeping in bed reversed away from wall with headphones on hence sleep fitful – endure the usual PTSD bad dreams so wake before light with obvious attention deficit
‘Metrics of instruments – taxonomic obsessions’
Autism Research Centre. October 10th: Wake at 4 with start – PTSD bad during the night – snooze successfully till alarm – breakfast at 8 after packing – same items as yesterday – collect bags, pay and leave – More photography on way – arrive and launch into targeted conversations about possibility and systems – catch new people all through day – comfortable to wait and save absences for next visit – chat about Fibonacci obsessions with numbers over lunch – sit and catch up – plan sequences and process written down as graph – delight at sudden connections forming and confirmations – parts fit – something’s being written on the wall – blurred – working – snatch several more conversations before I have to leave – dark walk dragging cases – station – packed and uncomfortable train – remember next time to leave earlier or later – Hate train journeys in the dark – dislocations – tube not so good but sufferable with eyes closed – Waterloo station despairingly full of upward gazers – wait – called – tantalising train journey – review – plan disconformities – impatient – irrelevant drawings – exit and walk – home.
Fast train content rattlesway
darkness unobserved passing in double time
untouchable
thought streams within heading home
heading forward
‘I was always jealous of his better Christmas presents’
Autism Research Centre October 9th: awake disastrously early – just when you need sleep uninvited ‘fight or flight’ steps in – retime alarms – down to breakfast at eight (it’s always 8 – creature of habits) – out – walk via the pavement spotted last night for a full photographic investigation dodging students on bikes and stares – walk to ARC clutching camera head down ‘looking’ – Intense day follows – multiple conversations – confirming – after lunch settle to manipulate ‘pathway 253’ – break by taking tour round orchard – photograph ‘apples’ in various states as believe it may be important but can’t yet see why – more conversation – homework suggestions – extra photo-re-manipulation – unknowingly I leave later than most. Walk – startled – 3 car shunt on my right, not serious but ‘awful ‘sonic experience’ – home to Hotel – graze – tired but compulsively compare info gathered – start to systemise information – may be too early but earthy compelled need – prescribe music to aid sleep helps to fight off demons
Relentless, with purpose
I move away from you
through, mist and green cold field
a darkness commenced with others
lost to play in the laps of the gods
‘Why take life that has potential’
Autism Research Centre 8th October: Wake early with usual start, dreams vivid and frankly disturbing – attempt to snooze but fail repeatedly – dress eat say goodbyes and head for train before eight – quite apprehensive heading to Cambridge for the first time to stay and work – project has been delayed due to my PTSD revealing itself in the spring and interfering with the way I work – must make a start but don’t want to waste a moment of our allotted budget and opportunity – also for once part is ‘looking inwards’ not only exploring what ‘neuroscientists’ do but what makes me the ‘way I am’ as an accidental element – I don’t like mirrors. Train smooth – underground not bare but usable – daylight train to Cambridge a reminder of previous 2 exploratory trips both mapped for 2012 project – compulsively I document journey in Geoformat. I take taxi to Autism Research Centre for no other reason than access – knee bad. Welcomed warmly we chat waiting for the director – Simon Baron Cohen with whom I have my first meeting – we chat fruitfully looking at work done, access, questions and starting points – I ask a few questions to start the gathering of what may be many ‘puzzle pieces’ – then he introduces me at the following lunchtime meeting to staff – after I have people asking to chat – good start – conversations initiated I gather, obvious and necessary interwoven with ‘unseen treasures’ – all may be useful but I don’t have the pressure to discern or know ‘why’ yet – I absorb suddenly focusing on the word ‘discordant’ – sometimes distracted by the various and relevant musical terms often employed – track them – a trail – a beginning – the rules are look and listen – spoken word glows with an imposed ranking of importance, tasted, touched and recorded as hurried lines on paper to retranslate with others – overwhelmed I leave early for Hotel – way finding notice patterns on pavement which I capture – first time there so hoping it’s OK – aspergers can be a tough task master for ‘safe spaces’ – in and settle reasonably quickly, after unpacking I try to unpick day while sitting in bath – end up working late – literalism – then fall asleep relatively easy.
http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/
http://www.neuroscience.cam.ac.uk/research/cameos/…
