Konfirmation systemizing: Revaluing Autistic Thinking – Autism Research Centre residency

‘stand by none of this is yet confirmed’

Portsmouth 19th March

–

2:24am

i wake and

whisper – today I make

whisper – today I make
whisper – today I make

whisper – today I make

whisper – today I make
whisper – today I make

a spell of comforting

artist affirmation

sculpting

frame

for

–

GREY

I take stock

Alist of materials needed for Project performance installation.

1, I sheet of 15mm beech plywood

2. 10 metal rods with threading

3. 4 packets of wing nuts in sizes M4 M5 M6

4. 2 packets of outdoor bolts M6 for the nut and washers

5: 4 sheets of Sandpaper 80 and 120

6. I packet of 25mm screws

7. Strip sheet aluminium (offcut)

8. M5 nuts (spare)

9. M5 washers

I make – I whisper – i make

I make – I whisper – i make

I make – I whisper – i make

a break

tea and cheese sandwich

shared with video maker

Konfirmed

I make – I whisper – i make

I make – I whisper – i make

I make – I whisper – i make

a break

to read project

questions from the

New York Times

Konfirmed

I make – I whisper – i make

I make – I whisper – i make

I make – I whisper – i make

a break

to answer project

questions from the

New York Times

Konfirmed

I make – I whisper – i make

I make – I whisper – i make

I make – I whisper – i make

home tired

cold in the dark

to the letter

to the letter

white enveloped

with handwritten name

inviting me

enticing me

to be Konfirmed

yes i will come

konfirmed

‘Am I still Eleven today?’

Portsmouth 18th March

Today I Wake 4:23 am with a start

Today breakfast was 2 pieces of toast and large cup of tea

Today is the almost the same taste as yesterdays

Today it rained as I walked past the bridge building site

Today at the passing of fingers my school past recedes to a mere shadow puppet play

Today I hand an envelope, white containing 13 stapled pages on floor 7

Today there are two of my ‘stone’ drawings hanging on public display admired

Today I stand and talk against extracted noise revealing half held secrets to a full house

Today I talk to 17 people joining fragments of conversation later in the bath

Today I drink tea before I sleep seated at the dining room table 12:13am

Today I finally felt happy

its

not

the same

as yesterday

‘Ebb and throw’

Portsmouth 17th March

Awake 5:23 – listen – close my eyes

I watch

as he stumbles

towards bare wood

lightening struck Wood

focal point of finality

she follows

6 paces behind

knowing

dreading the

quiet

inevitable parting

but too scared to touch

as he sits upon

riverside rock

he turns

red shirted

catching her gaze

eyes revealing questioning

not tear

guessing the time

before his passing

while behind them

he

shouts ‘Paris

France’

falling to the floor

knocking

on heavens door

I cry

snooze

switched off

laying still – unmoving

pretending I am never leaving

passive by the river as she watches me

what to say?

wake?

————- concentrate ————–

C ON c eNT rate

suddenly – finally the build finishes

in my head I am up alone – tea – spam on twitter – toast 8am

hunt under

stairs for

‘thin’ wood

find

cut

shape

smooth

drill

fill

finished

i have made again

will i

sleep

or lay

planning

compiling

secrets

before

system talk

tomorrow

Rinsey Cove aged 18, 22 and 47

Portsmouth 16th March

Awake 5:27 with radio make lists

lay awake thinking of ‘system’ whilst trying to dissociate from vivid dream that has interlocked into the daytime – unwanted intrusion containing fragmented country rock – stoping – consuming – metamorphosing

intimate xenoliths dissolving needed memory

ha ha ha

7:23 E U R E K A M O M E N T

steel

wood

aluminium

mix

i know

i know how to do it – sit draw final plan – count the parts needed – raining hard will wait for a break and head to DIY superstore -set to work on ‘other’ system addition – electrics to be installed

aluminium drilled

slots filled

bolted

build

cut

secure

M2.5 and M3

————– rain hiatus ———-

out for

list:

a. M4

b. M5

c. M6

d. threaded rod

e. two apple pies

wing and bolt

hoping for empty shop

trains pass

graffiti absent

on my return

tidy

something not quite there on this frame – insulation needed – tired – will wait for morning

I sleep quick as I have MADE something today – I am still an artist

Aluminium, wood or steel?

Portsmouth March 15th

Awake 4:23 – seems to be getting earlier – dislike

dreams vivid and involving – definite change in taste – dislike

tea – toast -wave goodbye – bath

i

am

Waiting

Waiting in

Waiting for more system parts

sit and work – need to shut my eyes – without the distraction your brain has more ‘drive power’ – Concentrate hard -the system needs a portable structure

wood?

steel?

aluminium?

mix?

Have to build this in my head – dyslexic gifting in 3D –

cut

turn

twist

view

discard or keep?

constant streaming……………

a multitude of prototypes have flashed passed on the way to the bin with virtual deletes – gradually I keep parts ideas traces and follow new paths

still not right yet – back burner another few days as the deadline looms

—————– hiatus ———–

knock at 10 pat 2…….

the box is here so I leave without opening

restraint

i hate

restraint

walk and work – forms filled – panic – leave heavy and tired

tiredness

eats my evening

fall asleep on settee

so raise and head to bed

lay awake till early in the morning –

scared

of

myself

no closer to the system structure

wood?

steel?

aluminium?

mix?