Konfirmation systemizing: Revaluing Autistic Thinking – Autism Research Centre residency

‘August is leaving’

Portsmouth

29th August 2013

Unfortunately wake unwell

so am not as quick as I would wish

Pulling

at

neuro

cotton wool

filling

my head

in obscured

hope

of seeing

creating

rescuing

treasures

not yet

self

absorbed

So I have finally caught up – sitting all day with wood balanced on the bed and netbook open on top – there are more images needed adding but although nearly completed it will be added too.

Officially the project ends Saturday but as there are exciting strands now carrying on I will be posting as they happen

I am sad August is leaving but not at its passing

——————————————————

The video artwork made for the project:

Grey 1 and 2 is online at

http://www.artscatalyst.org/projects/detail/jon_ad…

and the sound works from fMRI noise here

https://soundcloud.com/fieldoffragments

——————————————————

‘The building that tastes of spiders’

Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth

28th August 2013

Today I feel able to write Augusts’ blog posts – its harder to put finger to key beyond the event but time touching and twitter poetry reminds me and brings me back to that place.

I spent an intense morning on the computer – a mix of spoken word and keystroke correction finishing at lunchtime – half way through – ready myself for a London dash.

Train – not a usual seat but its not full (afternoon) I can work at a table without feeling hemmed in. It gets uncomfortable at Petersfield as a reptilian woman starts to bite into my NC headphones sanctuary – touch and go – reach for volume control – think – potential project because not despite aspergers

last off train as per usual

Walk in the sun over Westminster Bridge to Portcullis House – As soon as I see it they start – spiders in my mouth – inside I’m OK – ‘life in a tray’ I am screened and awaited

look ahead

A short meeting senses list:

Smell of faint chlorine

Smell of rich earth

Diet coke and paper cup

A good meeting

I walk away from the meeting better informed – now I can feel the project – its shapes forming between my fingers – I love this stage of development as it starts to click – think all way home on an earlier train than expected

Hexagons make an appearance and are captured as I write and tweet before the dead zone on the returning train

Travel Train

travel faster

seated backwards

the known

as usual

flys by

silent

still

held both hands

fragile forming

project now

tangible

Usefulness is the key

‘Day Sixteen’

Portsmouth

25th August 2013

Still in a blur

Nearing end of short break and a very difficult month now. Although I am still not well – I recognise this now so will be easy on myself – I can see that maybe August is leaving a different shape than when it first appeared – one more week to test the theory.

Some emails fly this weekend – I play with patterns and take time to think about my synaesthesia

I ask OH if numbers are different sizes to their value and have personality – I am stared at – no – you can say the oddest things and expect to get away with it – comes the polite version of her reply

So there we go what I always thought as of as natural experience is another ‘variation’ of my view of the world – Number personification synaesthesia as well as object personification – never questioned it – some are better friendlier than others – maybe that’s why I can only add subtract and multiply – not well in my head as they have connotations outside of their remit

Its made me think – the found objects I use for working with or the stones I collect as friends etc – the imbued personality I place over an objects isn’t ‘reading’ their actual personality but my minds eye view superimposed? Its not a psychic ability but I know it feels more realistic than ‘reading’ people? I am unable to read people

both are part of artist 247

aspergers + synaesthesia

More self directed research needed – this is the next avenue of my neuroscience investigation – internet open – questions ready

Cast ashore

I am awakened

From deaths sleep

By single kiss

Her lips leave mine

Linger Unfurled

With bitter mortal words

Leaving me no rest

‘Day Fourteen’

Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth

23rd August 2013

Awake early before alarm

Sort OH tea and calmness

Washing preparing thinking

remember shoe laces

OH says casual

Out

bath

Drying

Ready

for Unexpected

Conversations

I Stand-up

To Face

the day

daunting

but in

a good way

Head to the railway station – its strange the familiar seems a few degrees unfamiliar – American dresses full of boats – I am moving as others would comment – as if in a dream – often they are realistically held through the day as objects come to life about me

I sit in not in usual seat on the train but the one I normally return in – reverse journey – why not – feels OK – emplaced an hour before the one I really need to get to be on time – on time? time surrounds me

I feel the embrace of her cloak as she thins towards the weekend

words come behind NC headphone defenses – think clearly – just be natural – that’s what they want to see – not a social mask held in your pocket

I don’t buy tea – unusual

The chair flows back repeatedly – it must be important – I will remember it – I have to say it – always important so I test and tweet

‘The chair often seems more alive than the person seated on it’

I write more

Strange day

Strange tides

Concealing

what’s been

Left at my feet

By moving

waters

Unthinkable

Treasures

Lifted to my sun

With both hands

So we are here most familiar station – last off train

I loiter in the bookshops near the station but then compelled to go an be early – maybe I can feel its a safe space given some open time.

I walk to the Young Vic – something Mum always chatted about here – i wish i could tell her as I walk with her over complex patterned pavement

admission: I am afraid – well more uncontained than scared – daunted maybe – they want to speak to me?

be casual – No social mask other than greetings and politeness – remember the Eye contact – safe – its what they want to see

1 pm – I enter – I catch her eye – no time to settle – hello’s and handshake – safe conversation – she was early – we wait for Peter over tales of school and colour – Mother is still behind me looking

then

he’s here

Peter Brook

before

I can breath

we leave

road crossing

we sit

we talk

I place my notebook to one side – it seems rude and unnessesary

questions

Astonishments

answers

revelations of self

Mum smiles in the shadows at talk of ‘Worths’ a Paris commonality – she stitched the Queen mothers dresses i say

then confessions about ‘Theatre’

naturalized ‘Memory palaces’ appearing

then suddenly ‘the chair’ – told where others are sensed as neutral despite who may have sat in them – naturally without prompt – i told you it was important – i knew touched before

can I help – yes

can I travel – yes

I recognize myself on slim occassions – pale green

am I me?

whilst he passes incogneto

as I talk – to busy to eat

coffee guilt

we leave

shake hands

I snatch a pavement photograph as I wonder did that happen? and head to the station passing the Old Vic

————- hiatus —————–

On the train home I touch the day – hands explore the nook and cranny or a new surface

I write while hurriedly watching the films laid out before me

Everything about me is pale

All Fallen into shadow

Remaining hidden

Terrible to touch in my minds eye

should I choose to do so

Calling through faint muslin

Astounding stories

No Wait

I will touch time for comfort

Wrap my cloak around her

surface crusted

with minute moments

Reading her beauty with

tactile words

Through worn

Familiar finger tips

As the feelings swell

Awaiting capture and release

• 
• 
• 

So who will tell the chairs?

‘Day thirteen’

Portsmouth 22nd August

I Lay in bed after OH leaves for work as:

Gang of giant seagulls

Running rampant races

Thru the bins in the street

Calling for more to come

To their second-hand party

Up I check into the bathroom and while waiting for a ‘certain level’ to be achieved I open my emails by hand

Notice Simon as header – we have been chatting about Autistic arts last day or so – and open first over and above social notifications

An introduction

A recommendation

I am Astonished at the feelings that follow as the words flow from the page and tick tick tick open with unfelt surfaces that morph my day

—- m e t a m o r p h i k —–

I

read

request again

am I free to go to London ASAP

—- m e t a m o r p h i k —–

yes I am

spoken out loud

as all sense

changes about me

—- m e t a m o r p h i k —–

so I reply and almost immediately a lifetime later exchange details of where and when the next day

so now Day 14 although it will feel smaller and less significant than 13 – the largest day is important

—- m e t a m o r p h i k —–

I research

I need to see a bigger picture

A new connection – a new experience leading from another new experience comes into view leading in correlated colour from Konfirm unfinished

I can close my fingers about its possibility tightly

—- m e t a m o r p h i k —–

they wish to talk to me?

—- m e t a m o r p h i k —–

to me

—- m e t a m o r p h i k —–

who me?

so

who

will first

tell the chair

i’m seated in

the news of

permissions

to rejoice

—- m e t a m o r p h i k —–