‘Ebb and throw’
Portsmouth 17th March
Awake 5:23 – listen – close my eyes
I watch
as he stumbles
towards bare wood
lightening struck Wood
focal point of finality
she follows
6 paces behind
knowing
dreading the
quiet
inevitable parting
but too scared to touch
as he sits upon
riverside rock
he turns
red shirted
catching her gaze
eyes revealing questioning
not tear
guessing the time
before his passing
while behind them
he
shouts ‘Paris
France’
falling to the floor
knocking
on heavens door
I cry
snooze
switched off
laying still – unmoving
pretending I am never leaving
passive by the river as she watches me
what to say?
wake?
————- concentrate ————–
C ON c eNT rate
suddenly – finally the build finishes
in my head I am up alone – tea – spam on twitter – toast 8am
hunt under
stairs for
‘thin’ wood
find
cut
shape
smooth
drill
fill
finished
i have made again
will i
sleep
or lay
planning
compiling
secrets
before
system talk
tomorrow
Rinsey Cove aged 18, 22 and 47
Portsmouth 16th March
Awake 5:27 with radio make lists
lay awake thinking of ‘system’ whilst trying to dissociate from vivid dream that has interlocked into the daytime – unwanted intrusion containing fragmented country rock – stoping – consuming – metamorphosing
intimate xenoliths dissolving needed memory
ha ha ha
7:23 E U R E K A M O M E N T
steel
wood
aluminium
mix
i know
i know how to do it – sit draw final plan – count the parts needed – raining hard will wait for a break and head to DIY superstore -set to work on ‘other’ system addition – electrics to be installed
aluminium drilled
slots filled
bolted
build
cut
secure
M2.5 and M3
————– rain hiatus ———-
out for
list:
a. M4
b. M5
c. M6
d. threaded rod
e. two apple pies
wing and bolt
hoping for empty shop
trains pass
graffiti absent
on my return
tidy
something not quite there on this frame – insulation needed – tired – will wait for morning
I sleep quick as I have MADE something today – I am still an artist
Aluminium, wood or steel?
Portsmouth March 15th
Awake 4:23 – seems to be getting earlier – dislike
dreams vivid and involving – definite change in taste – dislike
tea – toast -wave goodbye – bath
i
am
Waiting
Waiting in
Waiting for more system parts
sit and work – need to shut my eyes – without the distraction your brain has more ‘drive power’ – Concentrate hard -the system needs a portable structure
wood?
steel?
aluminium?
mix?
Have to build this in my head – dyslexic gifting in 3D –
cut
turn
twist
view
discard or keep?
constant streaming……………
a multitude of prototypes have flashed passed on the way to the bin with virtual deletes – gradually I keep parts ideas traces and follow new paths
still not right yet – back burner another few days as the deadline looms
—————– hiatus ———–
knock at 10 pat 2…….
the box is here so I leave without opening
restraint
i hate
restraint
walk and work – forms filled – panic – leave heavy and tired
tiredness
eats my evening
fall asleep on settee
so raise and head to bed
lay awake till early in the morning –
scared
of
myself
no closer to the system structure
wood?
steel?
aluminium?
mix?
‘Warning this appliance must be earthed’
Portsmouth: 14th March
Awake at 4am
Dreams different
slightly twisted
rather than overt
making me
Feel
slightly
corner turned
E M D R
delving
digging deeper
found
far away
moments receding
with
a mere
wave of
followed finger
exorcised
his Monday
fish swim
away
my
images
extracted
flicker
on imaginary
portabled walled TVs
just like the lions
who
once
ran across
abbandoned
50’s space ship
wall paper
when I was four
glimpsed
with roar
moments before
I hid
under
self folding cover
still vulnerable
Thursday 14th: allotted project day today and tomorrow
Today stay inside – Sun – slow reading – slow writing is getting on top of me – have to look – write about the project – write emails that hold promised opportunity – read affirming email that takes hold inside and cheers me – cat sits undercover watching my slow finger movements across the keyboard before giving up on pouncing – announcing his presence – so slow he falls asleep – finally I summon courage to order addition’s for the project system -i read
http://www.wildculture.com/article/affecting-perce…
I design and draw the casing ready for the making and test run next week – next i measure for the suit to fit the system – central meters on paper – I phone
and
the cat wakes and requests
should I eat now?
should I sleep now?
he asks with yellow eyed excitement
‘index’
Portsmouth 10th March
to calm I draw
to calm I systemize
to calm I write myself lists
11 words found today – swimming without accent
1: metuere
2: imperturbatus
3: tenuiculus
4: summa
5. simulacrum
6: fissilis
7: totus
8: subobscurus
9: formula
10: acutulus
11: filum
rest
