Konfirmation systemizing: Revaluing Autistic Thinking – Autism Research Centre residency

Missing Dangerous Animals card number 19 of 48 – ‘The electric eel’

Portsmouth: January 15th

Collected fear at 5:32am

I have always collected – not because of values or imposed hierarchies represented by the objects – but just because they are interesting.

We collect what we are interested in or curious about – rough fragments for us to polish – define the missing – explore – the science of geology would never have gotten out the ground had it not been for curios and curiosity.

curiosity – what happens if – as a child its what encouraged me to bypass the dyslexia and learn – an over active sense of curiosity also drove this desire – answers in detail please.

I remember as a child a trip to Malta – the stones – caves – goats in trees – heat and landscape – the history – early catalysts for my aspergers drive to answer questions what – where – why – how – never who which was an important but supplemental question – secondary

I didn’t want to know all the answers though – you need mystery to keep on asking questions – as important as the answers – as a child collecting confectionary or tea cards – 1-48 – missing 6, 9, 34 and 47 – finding sets drove me on but as soon as it was complete the desire left and all you had was an archive – fixed in number – paper and print – unexpandable – unevolvable

while looking there was hope of finding the unexpected and asking another question?

question the world around you

question yourself

stimulate interface

ask

what

what if

what if I

what if I do

what if I do this

what will be the outcome

234,534 times a day

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‘He is on his way so turn left on to the A146’

Portsmouth: January 13th

Awake un

surprisingly

at

4:27

with jolt

c l o c k w e r k

regularity re starts

I would

rather

FOR

go

away

systemic infiltrations

its so

hard to put

one word

in front

of

another

so i will go and draw

instead

s low

frequency

oscillation’s

win

my day

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Portsmouth 11th January

PTSD influences been bad for the last few days this week – I wake early part way through nightmares that cling well into the day – clear thinking distracted by neutral grey mists – the colour drained and replaced. Highlight of the week – an unearned island – respite – unexpected – was a comment received here about my use colour – positive – thank you.

Difficulty with colour – why – how – being synaesthetic evidently goes with my aspergers – objects and especially colours to me are not unliked or unappreciated but taste and shout connotations across the room – confrontations – overwhelming fears – often literally. Aspergers thinking often trends to the black and white.

Since early childhood colour has never been an easy duty – unexplained reactionary till recent – I have drawn since I can remember (4-5) always in thick dark graphite pencil or biro – the line – the non distracting line – pin sharp marks leading the eye to discovery.

As a book illustrator I desired the black and white commission – rare – satisfying – a self complete system – rare – rare – rare- often i had to ‘spoil’ this completeness by ‘realistic’ colouring in. It was hard to concentrate while I tasted yellow mold or heard red whisper contentious thoughts each time tube liberation to ceramic plate and then there was the mixing cacophony duality to catch and distract me wrong-footed at every stroke.

I am not saying I dont appreciate colour – some colours I desire – some I detest with vengence – I have my favorite shades and schemes that taste calm or are easy on the minds ear – i know what I like – in its rightful place they rest – just don’t ask me to choose from scratch – colour mind-blindness.

I have a known system with the use of a pencil – I know what I will get if i press hard or soft – tilt or twist

a known reaction

to my action

on the confines of paper

real or imaginary

alternatively

not near

as clear

with people

a

unregulated

systen

of often

disapointments

I will escape to calmness and sought for solitude in the grey pencil lines.

‘The collective effects of changes in my movements upon well-being’

Portsmouth: January 7th

Woken at 5:17

go back to dream – have to find those missing – search

Up – bathe – dress – before the weekly walk and wait – called but no finger movements today – i am folded instead – symmetrical – human conditioned origami.

Walk in the not cold

First afternoon back at the University with others – reading papers for research – directory listed at end – dark again before I realise the time – natural system – dark – light – dark – light – repeats but there is a subtle difference each day – taste the difference – a cycle imposed upon the cycle – an oscillation – minimalist difference each time – weave this in – these cycles can be recognised in the rocks too – layers – depositions that repeat to a marvelous word – milankovitch cycles – this apeals to me – sequences that change and flow – not all is perfection – problem – 100,000 – 400,000 – split peak – difficulties in reconciling theory with observations written within the stone.

test the system – how long will the testing take – each cycle – each hz – each frequency

I desire answers – I need answers or else there is no point asking questions – if you dont like answers – any answers – proven or dysproven.

http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/new_pubs

http://www.autismresearchcentre.com/project_30_syn…

‘The importance of accidental meaning can be found in the smallest things‘

Portsmouth: January 5th

home

Awake early again – dreams started but unfinished rudely interrupted by 7.27am – spend most of the night systemizing the situation – results not favorable on social level – juggling – hiding – out – dis-understandings – wish my head was clear – a fog – not filling my lungs with salt waters – clarity please – act on minimal instincts…..

Positives….

A natural way of thinking – inquisitive – I have been systemizing since inception – start of the project – systemizing the pages of understanding needed to evaluate – metaphor – complex layering – intimate interpersonalisation – hardware and autobiostratigraphy.

The project is one system

what do I need?

An understanding of the systems involved within the wider system – invented – composed – figured from smaller syatems. A system composed – interwoven – hiarachical – each important within its own and wider worlds – vital detail to the running efficiently of the whole.

task one – identify the systems involved

task two – learn each systems value in the metaphor of the whole

task three – identify the metaphor systemic process and modes of operation

task four – learn – identify – needed components create the ‘proposed system’

task five – desire – research – organise – evaluate each part – draw – order – buy

task six – play – experiment – learn – repeat – stimmulate – repeat – question – repeat

input – action – output

input – action – output – Konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

new input or new action = new output

input – action – output

input – action – output – Konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

input – action – output – konfirm

I play

sequentially

I perform

sequentially

I become part of the system

konfirmed

I am the system

Konfirmed

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