Triangle of light – eclipsing frequency 60 TPM
Portsmouth November 3rd: Awake before light – trains move in the distance – radio talks in high pitched voice – dreams bad again seem to be constantly hiding. Think back reminded by tweets and comments about being a child with undiagnosed aspergers – collected facts and items from a very early age – even told people about them – constant stream of people through the house I baffled with cosmology, taxonomy, airplanes and sharks – school was where the damage happened – then came hiding both of ability and difficulty for 40 years – I am not sure that this project would have happened any sooner – now I know now I know – the right time – out to the cold – wish you were here – imposed shopping – hear more relevant news in car and call as soon as am in – have to decide on the final part – decay decay attack maybe – cook taking pleasure in cutting – now to rest – no more people today – the TV tells me – don’t baby me – the trees fall – but you cant have your cake and eat it – systemize for the project required reading all evening. Make new contacts – irony of University emails apparent.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/news/page/0,,937443…
http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/featu…
Then I remember I had felt happy yesterday for a brief moment as I forgot about my PTSD or maybe it just forgot about me?
Behind veiled curtains the system stirs
Portsmouth November 2nd: awake at 4am disappointed – dream sequences – Spend morning in-front of computer dismantling the floor at Clerkenwell re-sampling continually looking for colours that taste right – strange to be using colour so often now as a black and white thinker – rely on other senses rather than visual translations to find them – out of blue receive konfirm good news – imminent arrivals for experimentation – struggling as this is not a social or a writing sort of day at all – hide behind the barricades instead.
Awareness of the darkside – quantified self
Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth November 1st: Awake before light bad dreams – realise yesterday waking late and OK was aberration – had hoped not now need few more days to match pattern to see any change – up – make ready to catch train. Leave late in rain – ticket simple no queue – move up platform to wait ready for ‘quiet carriage – fatal mistake – soon realise this will not be quiet journey – screams shouts under disciplined – train fills at next stop no moving now – couple in front shouters well guess they have to be to hear above this row – headphones on loud but noise intrudes – about as un aspie friendly as it gets – cant write notes for meetings – close down – twitter fails at Woking – anxious – arrive at Waterloo sit and spent 25 minutes rebooting phone – head in tatters wish for reboot too? – ‘aspie-ragged’ and dread grips as I catch a packed tube to TCR – free in fresh air – spend 30 mins shop hopping for midi to pitch converter – draw blank – walk to Holborn in rain crowds bad to find bus – bus stop closed move away but bus stops there anyway so miss – next bus ok – half way angry passenger berates fellow passenger – unpleasant – off and walk back to The Arts Catalyst space – ring and in – safe. Photo floor + sandwich + cup of tea + meeting and update on project passes in to quick a flash – revived out to face traffic – none in hurry for next meeting but bus caught seems to stop at every single light – off at Waterloo bridge and weave through Southbank noting construction infront of NT and cement mixer neon – here – meeting under arch with tea and scone (part) for look about Cultural Olympiad project next stage planning – Konfirm sprung from Look About – receive gift – contraband collected very last fossil for project – waiter pirates roundabouts and expensive boots – leave – part and wait for never caught before train at 18:15 – quieter at trains end – disaster – woman who sits next to me unfurls bright ‘evil’ yellow mac and rolls it repeatedly on lap before stuffing between knees as no room in her bag – close eyes but it’s obviously still there – resigned to ‘aspie-hell till Haslemere’ – 19:09 departed relief – spread out and sift through day to start and make choices of direction and focus for Konfirm – note moon through window – off train into colder dark than London – moon and Jupiter together watch the walk home
http://www.port.ac.uk/departments/faculties/cci/ai…
http://www.port.ac.uk/update/2012/10/jon-adams-%E2…
Brain Patterns – Brain chat
Portsmouth October 30th: Wake as usual, recover and head to University – Look About admin REF work plus Konfirm REF submission. Bump into Marius at lunchtime and have good but short conversation about project – ironic as have just bought his book ‘Brains – the mind as matter’ published by Wellcome. Interviewed and supply links for Konfirm web press in the afternoon. Home earlier than usual – think in bath – read book – spend evening doing research on web – draw – create overlays in Corel for note detection from wave – scales variation – may go for an 8 note scale – end up pattern finding till late into night.
Enigmas in the salty sea
Portsmouth. October 27th : As usual awake at 4 even though home now and exhausted – Spend day resting as need some quiet to digest the last few days and some time away from social interaction – aspergers requisite – start putting pieces together in my head – work on blog and post yesterdays post – sill research on web in the evening as have some practical problems to resolve – cant switch off once started so headphones and radio to try to fool myself into sleeping – does not work so back to problem solving in the dark.
Hand moves up and down oscillating in the slipstream through the open car window:
Portsmouth. October 28th: Getting to know 4am very well except now it’s called 5am – solved one during a waking moment which has shed light on the route to solve the others – sit all evening on the web researching after another day where the only ‘social’ engagement was with the newsagent and onTwitter – bliss –set out to find the oscilloscopes and AWFG’s that crowd on top of new hotlist – compare – systemise details – decided – brief look at neurons – bath with more thinking – Homeland distractions – but radio needed to initiate sleep.
