You only need one unicorn to prove their existence
Autism Research Centre and Train to Portsmouth. October 26th : wake struggling fast in the gloom –fear stimulates deep inside – headphone on snooze till hungry – bath legs bent – down at the same time to empty dining room as yesterday – relish in the sameness so much I break the rules for unconventional breakfast – bacon toast scrambled eggs (new) and hash browns (new) coffee (new)- pack and pay then walk into ARC the usual route – sharper colder – note to self other side pavement smoother for pull case for return to station later – nose to tail exhaust – spot patterns on pavement to photograph later – In – remember hellos and make tea. Time to sit and learn part one – white and grey – highways – sex differences – brain train – volume – density – pruning – tea before immersion – fractal coastlines – bass revelations visual thinking sores – images – guitars – translocations – enigmas – MRI FMRI – to engaged to write notes properly – diffusion – concentration, noise and artefacts – patterns – connectivity sync – ethics – abide – boundaries. Can feel the need to correlate all the ideas and connections is now too much to be able to sit on my hands any longer – urge to systemise the patterns running in 3D – break memory full – Late lunch, pecan pie is no problem, the turkey another matter – Wash bowl after tomato soup and settle down with computer before part 2 – DTI – axial – regions of interest – music cognition – homework – amygdala – fear processing PTSD answers – crows – neurotransmitters – referrals for head hunting – details – results – interesting. Am i ready to Konfirm? Sad as its time to go the time here flies to quickly – goodbyes as warm as welcome – will good luck twice – out into cold. Walk to station remembering to gather photographs and walk the other side of the road – bell rings to pass – finally at very packed station – ticket to return – miss train by 30 seconds – wait on platform with tea peanut brittle and banana and wait fior train to be called – train called 5 mins before leaving to board as far away from where am standing as possible – rain and pain – fast train. Enter underground apprehensively and head to Victoria line – Warren st change over – train far to full to contemplate boarding and remaining happy – wait for the next one minute later – make Waterloo in time to step straight on – walk platform 15 to its end find usual seat and sit – Train fills – dice throws and I loose as woman steps on me several times to sit opposite – squash and curl – train empty’s Guildford and can stretch – far to tired to write – think through the darkness – rework day again and again – consolidate this visit and start to see correlation between the 2 visits. Gathering materials over, now for global project systemising and highlighting its direction – distracted by potent aftershaves as youth stalks the train hunting mass seating – no signal – counting 2 stops – 1 stop – Home after short walk under a Grimshaw sky. Unpacking is saved for another day
‘Neuron tuning and orientations’
Autism Research Centre. October 25th: vivid dreams – wake late – up late – only person at breakfast much to staff disappointment but heartened by rush as I leave – Bath – redress – leave late – no students on streets – arrive at ARC and make tea – into lab – meet new PhD student – tuning filters – wham – ideas start to spring into an ‘empty’ ready head – focus in on details of information with translation into design for experiments – fill – attempt to blog unsuccessfully – TIME – Lady bird spotted – meet with new contact to chat ‘adult aspergers’ – call – The Arts Catalyst Jo arrives from London – carry on conversation with 3 way interest – no notes as concentrate – systemising quotients – process conversation – additional introductions – lunch conversations are ‘outward facing’ – apple – soup of 2 points – art meets science to breed – Russia – location neutral for new audiences – wait – expectancy – nervous – we meet with Simon – ‘Konfirm’ titles confirmed – joys are real not printed on paper – geological museum – maps – disconfirming – dis-conforming – unicorn discovery – repeating correspondences – explain modular synthesisers CV ADSR VCA LFO – time flies – forget to ask – over too quick – listen intent few words make it to paper – seeds planted – implications of brokenness best avoided – walk in conversation against thick traffic – return working to blog successfully – converse hidden sonic annoyances – high frequencies – Neanderthal brain sizes – people then dispersing as night grows in intensity outside – tea – ‘notes geologique’ unearthed – fossils discussed – look up to find we are almost alone – walk back to hotel in the dark each step glowing – child waves from stationary car – shop for tea to the single last point – in settle unlatch magnetic catch – bath twice as enjoying train of thought plot artwork ahead of time – restraint from fitting puzzle pieces – seen RED28 at 8:28 – IQ on BBC4 – resting – drawing to 8 intelligences and Corinth mystery – frothy coffee – resting but cant switch off – Pandas – repetitive n – light out – music as people social dancing overhead.
http://www.artscatalyst.org/experiencelearning/det…
‘Reverse preconceptions – high expectations’
Autism Research Centre. October 24th: Wake early disturbed by nights dreaming. Pack bag then wash – trying to ignore the hum. Down to breakfast sit on own and observe the few others down at that time – recognised by waitress – feeling ashamed I wasted half portion of marmalade – collect bags one with computer and the transparent case with artwork. Leave to find a foggy drizzle packed with students heading all directions – follow now familiar (takes only one trip to become available as a neuro ‘DVD rerun’) route to ARC using ‘stops’ on may as mnemonic to learn areas of the brain careful of leaves coating the pavement – pretty clumsy without any distraction or slipping opportunity – Ring door bell noticing patterns imposed on the Victorian tiles remaining – In welcomed again and sorted out with badge 12. No plans to distract day as a starting point give out ‘cards’ of image taken and manipulated last visit and showing ‘book work’ as previously promised. Spend morning chatting and catching up with various people about ‘neuro-imaging’, music and sound then set about an email listing links and backing up work done on new memory stick – distracted by systemising almost miss the communal lunch time. Accidentally capture spider while eating – the staff is quite international so the conversations are varied and rich – spend the afternoon chatting and gathering with people I haven’t caught up with yet – interesting but tiring as constantly looking for connections and patterns which correlate whist practicing badly to ‘read’ clues to expression – new information instantly floods senses with ideas – woken up shaken off PTSD cloak temporarily – accidental comments and meeting can be rich in material – arrange to meet with others I have missed later in week – I am questioned in return about how my aspergers influences or affects my work – as part of the project I am deliberately open to questioning – all or nothing – you would have thought neuroscientists would find conversing with a person with aspergers commonplace – it’s not – they only tend to collide with those on a ‘study’ or unwell – repeatedly told how interesting and opportune my openness is for them – people start to disperse – work for a while – head out into the gloom of nose to tail traffic and walk via ‘tea collection’ to the Hotel – hum – its they’re enquire at desk reluctantly source is found – the fire door magnetic catch – ironic – MRI information large part of the day. Encouraged by and elated by the sudden absence of ‘hum’ a bath to think – try to ‘relax but distracted by patterns of nozzle outlets in shower head displayed – multiples of 4 and 8 – sit and write blog from day – no discernible effect – write slowly – man whistles quite flat – mentally guard fire door – quite so far – regretting no Mahler on MP3 player – green robot – blue Godzilla – sleep late
‘Ripple marks and essential bodies’
Portsmouth and Train to Cambridge. October 23th: Spend most of the day on admin, drawing sorting the previous weeks logging on Olympic project at British Geological Survey – light lunch – prepare to leave for Cambridge – pack bag with less ‘useful objects than normal – Not been home much in last two weeks so plenty of emails to catch up on – travel later in day hopefully to avoid the same hell on the underground as last Friday coming back from Nottingham – unfortunately don’t quite make it – take Northern line to Warren Street then change to Victoria line for Kings Cross – stand on right hand side – try to be insignificant – only a few stops open that side so won’t be in way – people don’t have concept of personal space let alone know the pain to someone with aspergers when this is breached repetitively – train packed most of the way – human ebb and flow – record station times on phone as no room for note book – out – breathe – Manage to get 3 people walking in to pull case before leaving clutches of the underground – the last guy look through me so ‘hard (was his fault) I almost feel physically abused reminiscent of the lyrics ‘if looks could kill they probably will’ – unsettled I make the train before schedule but misreading restrictions in the pocket timetable panic and leave train – wait and catch one I am meant too – delayed due to weather near Royston so arrive at Hotel later than planned – loose 2 personal achievement points – settle in but disturbed by obvious vibration/ humming noise – under any other circumstance this would be recorded, cut & manipulated as treasure then used for ‘sound work’ but this is annoying my synaesthesia deeply – intensity and modulation varies in different parts of room but worse where headboard is (of course) – sonic mystery – examine space outside room in corridor CSI style but location remains a mystery – end up sleeping in bed reversed away from wall with headphones on hence sleep fitful – endure the usual PTSD bad dreams so wake before light with obvious attention deficit
‘Metrics of instruments – taxonomic obsessions’
Autism Research Centre. October 10th: Wake at 4 with start – PTSD bad during the night – snooze successfully till alarm – breakfast at 8 after packing – same items as yesterday – collect bags, pay and leave – More photography on way – arrive and launch into targeted conversations about possibility and systems – catch new people all through day – comfortable to wait and save absences for next visit – chat about Fibonacci obsessions with numbers over lunch – sit and catch up – plan sequences and process written down as graph – delight at sudden connections forming and confirmations – parts fit – something’s being written on the wall – blurred – working – snatch several more conversations before I have to leave – dark walk dragging cases – station – packed and uncomfortable train – remember next time to leave earlier or later – Hate train journeys in the dark – dislocations – tube not so good but sufferable with eyes closed – Waterloo station despairingly full of upward gazers – wait – called – tantalising train journey – review – plan disconformities – impatient – irrelevant drawings – exit and walk – home.
Fast train content rattlesway
darkness unobserved passing in double time
untouchable
thought streams within heading home
heading forward
