‘Look up but do not Fall’
Portsmouth – Bristol – Portsmouth July 11th
Poem written from the landscap viewed from the Train on route to ACE:SW in Bristol
Roll me
Downslope
Thru chalk
To ditch
Embedded flints field
Of polished bronze
Roll me
Thru fern filled wood
Of hesitant grey
where I live to shout
Welcome
To long lost love
Once ice cold
Tundra capped and
Held in potential
Until heated retreat
Roll me
Thru corn
Ripe for picking
With insect & crow call
Heard in the midst
Or defective in yaw
As I spin
Dirt sky
Dirt sky
Dirt sky
Till face down
I breath in richness
And look inward
At the fall
To cry
‘Survival’
Relishing her
Thin air
And hollow words
so
Rise son
Collect
Orchids
For their return
found Precious
Touch stone
A million year
Story gone Unheard
tumbled Streamward
Washed clean
Gaining
Acceptance
On my cluttered
Window sill
but
You I admire
Resilient book
borrowed
From a twice daily refreshed beach library
You I admire
now residing without number
Forever in my heart
Un-trained poet
Portsmouth – Brighton – Portsmouth July 10th
2 poems written on way to ACE:SE event
We fly
Thru
Fast fields
Tracks
Springing into view
Like tracer
90 degree avenues
As unsettled
Crows rise
At our passing
Sustained
With mirth
Sing to me
Tales of corrugated soils
Spun from note birds
Semi quavers
Set at distance and level
Written
In position
On 6 power line staves
and 2 poems written on returning after
Leave me
To wonder
Streets
paved with mould
As your shadow
Falls
Hesitant
On bird or beast
Complete
In their haste
To leave me
& wonder
Why?
Sun
Low red
Burns zero sized
Holes in my retina
As we cross
Her boarders
Where the hare’s play
Trespass
On the hour
Ever hour
Till midnight
‘I am a chair therefore I am a chair’
Portsmouth – Brighton – Portsmouth July 9th
Still resting and finding it hard to deal with ‘outside’ at the moment – sometimes its hard to push outside of you when the inside is unwilling – I repeat mantra ‘artist 247’ 10x on waking and 19x before bed – shifting minor continents and repossessing my confidence.
Now begins evaluation time – systemizing and bringing together.
Friday: Busy day helping to support the Accentuate South East symposium at Brighton University we had set up – Culture shifting one year on from the games: I was also Chairing the Public art debate with some great guests with an artist, CEO of IXIS, an officer from The British Council and National Director of AA2A.
I had a problem – where do I start my panel intro – I wanted it to be light but reflect the seriousness of the day and the weighty (not literally) panel. Also my aspergers causes havoc when I refer to anything – It has to be literal – I have a problem being referred to as a ‘Chair’ – yes I know its a title but like in Sunday school always being told ‘I am a door’ it just confuses the learning and situation – literalism. So suddenly sitting there in the audience in the first sessions not quite in a panic as there were a few hours left to write something it came to me – why not confess that – The session was ‘Disabled artists forging a carear…’ so had a problem with literally ‘forging’ too esp in the current climate of papers reporting on disabled people and austerity ..
Sat and wrote the 20 things I wanted to say – ordered them and placed in a ‘visual memory journey’ – something I was taught to foster buy a psychologist who saw I had a talent for this – as a dyslexic I have a duff STM but great LTM – so you input as pictures – I also have synaesthesia which helps as I can do the ‘journey’ in the dark and feel the memory objects I place – brilliant trick for sequencing and gave me confidence important to someone with hidden disability ( and yes low self esteem counts as the disability – not my aspergers or dyslexia)
So I started talk with ‘welcome – I have a problem….etc’ and people laughed so started relaxed (on the whole aspies should not tell jokes – i.e. ‘what do you call 2 crows in a tree – attempted murder’ – see told you.
Panel went well – though we were subject to some cuting in timing as we were the last of the day and by that time a deficit had accumulated from all the others..
Then a brief note from the return Journey
My Sun
Washes
In fragments
Across
Pink
Blue
& bow
While
Clouds
Whisper away
to nothing
A half
Turned smile
is My reward
for
Looking and
catching
Her gaze
‘The cunning of foxes’ Book of Mozilla 11.9
Portsmouth July 4th
I have rested
for almost 3 weeks
rest(less)
imposition
an intrusion of unwelcome hot magma
into my bedrock
cutting across boundaries
implying crystal alignment
as we are
cooling
exhaustion in a NW direction
body tells me
I needed
physical Space from projects
I have earned but never entitled
implicit direction
now time to pick through
evaluate
dys-create into fragments
reassemble
coherent
for application part 2
note one: the more i move back from digital to analogue the More digital application, presenting opportunity and sound work I seem to attract – enigma
note two: Thank you for following this blog – I will continue this blog less frequently during the documentary, evaluation and application stages – but will also blog ‘Look About’ for the next 4 months – turning 900 days of diary – logging my every move and interaction with London 2012 into a geological map of this recording – available in October 2013
‘and the truth will give you fleas’
Portsmouth June 26th
A collection of notes from the last few days with errors created by speech recognition software selectively left in:
20 June 2013
Unfortunately reach mental saturation overload point
21 June 2013
open my letter
with red marked
confidentiality
that tells me
Officially
I apear free
of the P T S D
22 June 2013
I can taste
Something
this way comes
Trembling
enharmonically
Restlessly
awakened
Enveloping
all in unforgiving
Stillness
Sound
bound
tied in many knots
rest of day imposed rest – in my head this is beyond a joke – my body slaps me in the face with reality
for sanity – I need to work
insanity – I live to work artist 247
bad dreams hit at 3am
23 june 2013
Am exceptionally tired – snatch rest all day – this also winds me up – ideas form unavoidably – artist 247 – ‘the pencil is willing but the hand fails me’
24 June 2013
Spend morning in the dark theatre bar editing images into performance PowerPoint and run through with the sound – may develop into a major new project. Its ironic that I am trying to find time to make more analogue music but receiving opportunity to develop digital sound-work in an oppositely direct proportion to my efforts to escape
25 June 2013
Perform in Portsmouth today using learning from Konfirm with aprofessional musician after mentoring them from ‘analogue to digital’ sound making. Goes well other than a few glitches like the laptop trying to do a virus check spot on the time the performance starts (not mine as would have turned it off)
The work is well received and have interesting conversations afterwards with audience members – glad I didn’t loose it as result of aspergers sound sensitivity and public becoming overwhelming.
http://www.ccichannel.port.ac.uk/dysconformity.htm…
Glad the 2 celebratory beers afterwards wipe me out before I arrive home.
26 June 2013
Today while uploading more work I discover my Sound work on SoundCloud is most popular in Greece this week.
Mysterious.
