‘Distressed – I sit for a while with a fallen tree and keep her company’ part 3
Portsmouth October 29th
The third of 5 ‘catching up’ posts documenting the conversation and encounters on the next stage of the ‘Konfirm’ journey leading up to premier of play and start of ‘Konfirm 2’ which will then be a new blog later in 2014
‘Holding the flow’
Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth
Friday October 18th
Bad dreams
Work in the morning on the computer – my head is elsewhere – the lack of ability to concentrate is hell and the anxiety is making me worse – where has this come from? Up and tidy the house and myself.
Walk out the house – takes a few minutes as I have to check several times – cats fed and watered and settled.
A brief walk to the station and I’m settled into my usual single seat – those usual stops pass with friendship and inaction bar the last where after a ‘walk’ I arrive at Tate Modern – I am disappointed by the building work – they have closed off the main hall – I will not hear the seagulls today – in fact I’m not sure I ever will again if the ‘space is changed’ ( In 2008 I did a sound installation in the Turbine hall for a single day – Playing the sound of ‘Seagulls’ – it’s what I hear due to my synaesthesia and I wanted others to hear)- I wanted to show ‘MM’ my ‘line’ too – closed off – I touch the wall just in case but the only response is one of rising forboding due to all the people – its becoming aspie unbearable.
I wait.
I am early so wait a while but here we go a smiled greeting – I am glad very glad. My instinct is to run out the building but I need to show him the picture.
The picture is venerable
the picture is life
We climb against the flow (Lift hell) and arrive in-front of ‘Letter to my son’ which inspired me to return to my original plan at six years old – to make – to be an artist – when I saw it at the Barbican Centre in 1983.
WE leave
We walk – he collects his bike –
I am suddenly startled – ‘made aware’ by the roar of a passing plane
We walk, I make sure he is between me and the bike as its yellow
We walk along the Southbank stopping – Sitting till cold we chat then hunt coffee
We walk, chaining the bike to the railing we end up inside the BFI
We sit and talk – I try to ignore ‘all’ around me but I feel the tension headache is creeping/knocking and I take2 tablets – I have to last this
1. Brooklyn
2. Aggressive
3. Childlike
4. Spectrum of light
5. Pattern
6. Spirit
7. Not forgotten
8. Richness of space
9. Implied urban
I tell childhood stories
1. Human
2. Vibrate
3. Fear
4. Internal motion
5. Simple
6. Birds
then the BIRDS flow
then the BIRDS flow
then the BIRDS flow
then the BIRDS fly
We leave in the dark – my head pounding but unseen – hidden from view
A short walk to the station
We part part way – on the corner – I am sad as I won’t see him till December now – a new friend – he goes to New York as his wife is opening in ‘Midsummer’s night Dream’ the next day
I sit on the train – the stops pass in a blur as my headache barks command at me
At 9:27pm I am home
At 9:27 I am glad to be home
Then it hits me
I have started
a most wonderful and terrifying journey
