Noise and whispers exhibition at GV Art
Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth
November 5th
The day starts well enough although the cat sits on me from 4am – this is a distractingly regular occurrence.
OH has day off so no alarms at 6am so a rare sleep in till 8 – cats then extort breakfast.
Check CD players and CD’s burnt yesterday – unfortunately as the CD finishes there is a burst of noise – not the sort of noise I want or even in the right place to be ‘part’ of the noise artwork itself – I dress over shorts and head to university to replace files – walking past the tree still laying prostrate like a compass facing away from the winds direction – all the leave dry and silvered – make CDs and walk back – test – still the same – one option – I use usual software and laptop at home – success they play fine and are better quality –
Bad news in the post – there are tears shed
my installation CD player display plays up so pack a newer smarter player instead – late bath – attempt to de-stress badly ready to catch train to London to deliver too
Noise and Whispers
GV Art Gallery London
I have 4 sound works burnt on to the CD – 3 are from the Konfirm project – made from the fMRI scanner noise – samples thru granular synthesis and played and the 4th a ‘private’ work made the same way but the source is more ‘human’ in nature – ‘Le petit mort’ – all made in a very synaesthetic way – felt and sculpted – shaped – an example of positive autistic mind wiring up – characteristics put to use
at the last minute bad news in an email – there are tears shed
The train
Sit in usual single seat angry – lunchtime train so not busy – frustrated by the patchy ‘radio’ dead zone between Havant and Guildford as I try to tweet with ‘issues’ arising – I write watching
Low swoop
crow
Horse mane
flow
Pine wood
grow
Oak stooped
low
Now you all
know
because
I told you so
Guildford 2 get on and sit in row in-front – his coat smells appalling – sensory overload – oil – overwhelming – pull headphones on tighter to no avail – headache brought on by the smell gathers on top of the stressed pain I carry with me.
Here at Waterloo now to brave the underground
Bakerloo line too
Baker street
journey
quite complete
Into daylight – short walk and here – in – recognized – hello’s – shown spot to set up – unwrap – powered – test play – gifted headphones – low drone – action score – projection – looks a good show – all set up celebrate with a grand cup of tea and conversations – joyful place
shy
I say goodbye
annoyed in some way that I am unable to attend the preview Thursday – leave for underground – play with ‘bus thoughts’ but reject and head to Waterloo – train at 6 pm
Bad news by text – bad news as I look in email – there are tears shed
Train leaves but carries my panic with me
part way home a relief solution
home
sit
tea
Be free
Watch the BBC4 – Challenging Behaviors program on ABA and autism – get quite distressed – some will stay with me – normalizing the autistic way of thinking is medieval
i write
I tweet and get many RT’s
touches a nerve
Train me
Like a dog
for treats
Make me
acceptable
in your eyes
Take away
my difference
To please
your conscience
tell me your lies
unable to sleep
stressed by these attitudes of changing – fixing – normalizing autistic thinking – having personal experiences and all the tears today – lay awake till 4:12am
brief tea relief
at 2:45 plan a synthesizer layout before returning to attempt fragments of rest
