Limits

Re integrating the studio offers a mix of excitment of being there again and having my space and a certain embarrasment and inhability to express in ” Justesse”.

I filmed my first attempt of performance last week and the reality of it seemed far from the first idea.

It gave me an outside view on how my body moves now with its new limits and also still in the recovery process.It looked alsmost too real with clumsiness and struggles.

It certainly matches how I feel inside though.It made me sad and frustrated.

On the other end, I decided to keep the flow of the project and do a bit of work outside where it all seems playfull and adventurous.

something in the view from the caravan has caught my attention; an open door to a set of buildings which were part of the first serie of photos, an invitation to walk over the line and test the limits.

On my way there, I find a sign:”restricted area, authorised access only”. I stopped to explore this further and discover a new perspective on the view I thought I knew.

I question: Will I cross the line?

My age and my experience tell me not to. 10 years ago, I would have gone straight through without thinking twice.

I finaly decide to ask for an official authorisation for long term benefit.

There seems to be an age and time in life when you stop breaking the rules.

I wonder if artists are here to break rules , to push boundaries or maybe to follow them, question them and use them in new ways?

Went to france for a week to look after my mum who broke her leg. For the first time in 13 years spent in England, I felt funny about leaving the country thinking of the studio and my work!

We got flooded on the 2nd day of my absence. Strange fate.

I am back at the studio sweeping the dust brought in by the water. The work hasn’t suffered too much but a few lines have taken a strange twist and a few curves. The water seemed to have strecthed my Limits!

Back home and I feel stretched to my limits by the demand of a job left alone for a week + half of my family stayed at home while I was away and expects me to catch up for lost time.

Mad life trying to be an artist, a mum, a woman and a daughter all at once.

I haven't visited the blog in a while.I have been busy moving in the studio.

Actually, it has been quite strange as I kept painting all the walls white and preparing white sheets of paper to work on , adding coats and coats of white, almost to postpone the time I would have to make my mark, holding my breath days after days… and finaly I came in one morning, Isabel had been and she had filled her wall with experimental prints, and textured paintings.Suddenly the space had taken a completely new shape and meaning; it was homely, warm , inspiring, thrilling and within two hours, I was working hard on my new project: limits.

Strangely enough, the work started outdoor. We have a caravan to use as a kitchen and each time I seat there for a break, my mind and eyes stretch into the wide green field laying at my feet.

I decided to stretch a red line to mark the limits of where the landscaper cuts the grass. He seems to be marking how far we are allowed to walk and yet I am only guessing this ex military park, full of strange buildings, secret hide aways and long straight roads. What terrible secret is hidding behind the hill, amongst the trees and bushes, under the ground even?

The limits of my perception seem to stretch my imagination.the less I can see, the less I know about the place the more i can create.

I am enjoying holding myself back from running through the space and discovering it all. It all becomes a meditation state where I have to explore what I see before steping further.I look deeper into it.

A few days later, I decide to start working indoors and strectch more red lines. This time, I only can hear my own breath and feel my own limits as I am visiting the space.

Each fixing point reflects my own state of mind; This is when I decide the write haikus at each stop.

I become more and more conscious of the journey I am creating; I feel my own presence. I also feel deeply emotional about moving and following the limitations dictated by pain. Don't we all?

from day one to 1month later;

I call day 1 the day that Isabelle, an art student and friend, told me about a studio space within a stone scuptor's workshop somewhere outside Salisbury.

First reaction was excitment, followed by a made up list of problems and finally seeing how I was erecting barriers around the idea, only to respond to my fears.

As soon as I realised this, I decided to pay the rent before I could change my mind.

This was followed by two weeks of scraping and cleaning, slowly discovering the space and its potential;5 meters tall, 10 long and 3.5 wide (compared to my 2.5by4m shed at home).

This preparation time has been precious for me to rediscover space with a new body and find adequate movements and tools to reach higher places.

I am currently redefining a perception of my physical and psychological limits.

Limited by space, limited by fear, limited by pain, by the restrictions of my body and mind.

Limited by time, always…

I know now that the work I am willing to explore started on the operation table 6 months ago and as I am moving in the Studio next week, a new phase will begin.