Response to Sarah Rowles debate about the artists insecurity and the lack of time to ‘find oneself’ as an artist because of the constant pressure to define ones practice in order to gain grants, exhibitions, funding…”
At this stage in my career there is little time for relective activity – the way I work often means that I m not sure of the direction I’m taking until I’ve finished the work – so much of my practice take place in a state of just about controlled anxiety – which is fine but does lead to feelings of insecurity. I have had period of continuous art projects since april 2008 – some funded some not funded but all of which have pushed me forward quite quickly so that I feel I have some momentum and have things lined up until May 2010. I am also at a stage when it would be useful to have some kind of assistant for a few hours a week but not sure how to work this out. I also have to fit all this around teenage children and family life plus earning a living – I teach and do gallery education and generally say yes to any other work. Whilst I feel invigorated by the range of activites that I do, I am sure that I am not spending enough time on developing my practice fully – some projects feel like just something else to get done rather that something meaningful and engaging. I have a place on an MA course in London Sept. 09 but the economic climate is reducing my work opportunites and the projects I have committed to mean I might not have time to take it up. It’s all swings and roundabouts and I think I just muddle through.
23 July Boulogne – my second trip to France for research and project development. This time I am staying in B & B run by an English couple. Great room with fabulous view of the cathedral and an altogether different atmosphere to St. Omer. On arrival I walked around to get an idea about the layout and the kinds of buildings/structures that might be useful. Boulogne is very vital and varied with ancient and pointy turreted castle and vast cathedral, busy quayside and harbour plus moden angluar Nausicca (sea life centre) … lots to see and investigate.
14/7 St.Margaret’s at Cliffe – was invited to explore a 2 acre garden which held the remnants of the homes of several generations of one family. Enjoyed photographing old pillars, a gun emplacement, and particularly some patches of concrete – of which there was plenty…. the views across yellow fields to the smouldering blue of the channel and over to Holland were just sumptuous. The area is rich with traces of the Second World War – a pillbox, traces of trenches and a fuel store.
Am becoming drawn to expanses of concrete and to flat empty-ish landscapes – common here in south east Kent and in Pas de Calais.
Off to Boulogne next week to continue my research and make work for St.Omer. Am looking forward to having time to collate and reflect on all the bits of video and photography I have collected and begin to construct some kind of narrative.
14/7 Capel-le-Ferne – stopped at Battle of Britain Memorial overlooking the channel. The site is landscaped to emphasise the skies and sea where much of the battle of Britain took place. The memorials to those who died in World War II at both Dover and Eperleques are stirring with their fresh flowers and long lists of names.
The horizon vanishes and the sea merges lazily with the sky yet the whole place is alive with buzz of lawn mowers and the drone of aircaft over head. Life goes on.
The landscape and history of North East France and Kent visually echo each other – both marked by flat plains, Napoleonic canals, and fortresses and more recently by pillboxes, gun emplacements, defensive structures and blockhauses. These mementos to a collective history of war sit benignly amidst the buddleia and ivy, often hidden but still able to transmit a sense of shock and awe.
I have been filming and photographing some of these elements with an idea of somehow highlighting and amalgamating these forms and scars to explore how we exist within Europe.
6/07 Maidstone – was taken to this bleak and abandoned industrial estate by Mel who did work experience with me earlier in the year – admired her tenacity at dragging a projector, battery and tent from the station out to this very lonely place – where she made work for her degree show.
Not quite so brave myself but intrigued by the miles of concrete roadways and side roads almost like a series of short runways – perhaps it was somewhere to park vehicles ready for something.
The site seems quite remote, with a large sewerage work one side, fields and woodland on another side and an impenetrable wilderness seperating this site and the nearest human activity – functioning factoris about a mile away.
Nearby Abbey established in 12 th C. nearby and still functioning adds a human scale to a really strange place.
