Looking About – Auto-Bio-Stratigraphy – conceptual geologcal mapping

Betrayal Fish in a clear trout stream

Sit still! Don’t, catch his eye!

Stay invisible in the clear trout stream

Even if you think, he will see you

Stare intently reading the patterns on the dull wooden desk

as the lines flow and form

constantly morphing

Absorbing?

taking all your concentration away from the departing words

that run, scared all over your pages of handrawn neural camouflage

Wear your bulletproof jacket with the heart shaped whole!

Snared?

cornered escapegoat

Released into your dessert playground

with each child’s burdens on your back.

Sit still, he will catch you!

See his tall thin voice

blood red stare, cut through the darkness

like a searchlight!

Transfixing you in its pungent beam

Night frighter on your tail!

my fault, normal fault

ready to separate me with a final movement

Waiting to bring you down

Blue cold icelight, running in flight through my veins

Inevitable

his flak shaped anger subtly

sharpened by passive words

arc Baghdad style towards me

Tantalus sacrificed, by books

flung in front of favorite fancies?

Turning

Laughing

issuing forth from a bronze nebuccanesser that tells me to eat grass

Look down!

Eat grass!

Eat grass, as I watch

the 5 fingered words form across the comforting wall

Unseen pictures telling me to rest, wait, be still

Only another thirty years of hushed stupidity

as you are the silenced lamb

who dies each week on grounddown day

poem about sitting at my desk at school aged 11 written in 2000

‘Swimming free in a clear trout stream’

Tuesday 30th July

Very briefly in addition to last post why I believe All children should be encouraged to fulfill their artistic dream – I said I would be an artist aged six – I can see it now and touch the comment. At school I was bullied for my aspergers/dyslexia after I could cover it up no longer – aged 11 – I couldn’t spell but I could draw – unfortunately after my latest picture – a Tudor Street scene was chosen as the best of the year and to be hung on the wall my teacher intervened – he asked me to write my name and subject on the picture – I cant spell my name not a good position for a kid in 1972 – I chose to guess rather than ask for help and be mocked – he took it when offered up – held it aloft and tore it in pieces – I had spelt my name wrong – I hid from then both ‘me’ and my ability to ‘draw’ for many years and never went to art collage – the next time I showed my drawing was 13 years later.

Nothing up here for a few days as have been diverted…..

It was not a good weekend

Started with promise on the Friday – looked through a few really good geology books – maps etc and some web material. Then the hydra raised its head on Saturday morning in the form of a brown A5 envelope – with disappointment and implication at its core but a no hope ’30 days to appeal escape clause’ that takes to much effort stands out.

Saturday then gets worse much worse 19.7 inches worse.

Spend Sunday quiet trying to recover from Saturday

unable to sleep again – feels like ‘last year’

Monday a bit better – Finding it hard to see through the fog and dark clouds others have gifted me unwanted – at least I go outdoors all be it a ‘late start’ and draw some Look About diagram in at the University – personal fan on setting 2. Back cat sitting in the bath flicking through ‘Sedimentary Structures’ 3rd Edition.

Tuesday: Some good news parts the dark cloud briefly to let some light and direction – I take some bearings with an immoral compass and search my map and gather some six figure locations – bad dreams scare but spend productive time on admin – not by choice but by need – decisions emails diary and the luxury of re-delving into my collection of geology books as front door is firmly shut.

and the cat sleeps 247

A short list of found words/phrases found in the bath:

1. Ripple morphology

2. Depth fluctuations

3. Mega-bedforms

4. Saltation

5. Ventifact

6. Dropstone

7. Stromatactis

8. Product of dissolution

9. Erosional relief

‘rollercoaster week’

Friday 26th July

Its been a hard week – almost finished – sitting here with tea after sleeping the night through for the first time in a week – in the mists of memory – easier the further back you go – delving into the past plucking fossils

and on the radio they are talking about. . . . .

remember 2012?

so its a year since?

the sports legacy – I think far to early to use that word – where does legacy ‘start’ and ‘effect’ finish? Legacy is the encouraged creative 7 year old who interacted in school with a Cultural Olympiad project with artists and leaves school for a future as the artist they were always meant to be?

there was never that opportunity for me at school which is why I actively took part – politics of the Olympics and sponsors aside – and worked in schools to encourage what I never had the chance to believe in – myself – one child even said to me during a ‘Flag’ day’ they didn’t know dyslexic adults existed? she was waiting to leave school for it to stop?

I know that the Cultural Olympiad also changed my life….I regained the promise to myself aged 6 – I will be an artist…

and also on the radio they are talking about scientists implanting false memory in mice

so what do you remember?

Regressions and transgressions

Thursday 25th July

morning regression prevailing anoxic shales with intercalated incursions of fresh biota

afternoon transgression of refreshed biota and hope

‘who’s system stratigraphy’

Wednesday 24th July

My day

morning transgressions with fast falling sands bringing rich new biota

afternoon regressions of dark dead anoxic shales closed inwards