‘I should have done art – I liked art more’
October 30th
Portsmouth
I tempted fate with the last post and have ‘missed a couple of months’ before adding with this post – as with the Konfirm blog – I now play ‘catch up’ – there is a certain duality between these two blogs – the unexpected has happened and Konfirm is continuing out of the blue as it tracks the legacy and the renewal for part 2 to come.
This blog though, has been uneasy – uneasy with respect to choice – being busy making or writing about things – also the more I am stressed to more as a person with aspergers ‘I close up’ – the last 2 months have been not good – personally a few imposed issues of support have affected me – we aspies often find the ‘social world’ imposing without a map – I need a map – well I need an interactive guide – this has been silent in its absence’ leaving me stranded in an alien landscape.
Why write? the blog for Konfirm is part of the artwork – this blog is still young or too late whichever angle you look at it as it was impossible to start from the beginning unlike Konfirm as most of the logging was pen on paper.
Time spent has been taken by the work and not writting about it – my energy has been spent on product not documentation – this is a ‘disconformity’ – an allowed ‘disconformity’ – I has not been writers block but a lifers block – yes I am free of the PTSD but I have retained fragility, vulnerability as a person and artist – some times this is unlivable with sometimes not – it finds its way leeching – invaiding – the work – artistic diagenesis if given time.
we often
do not
have time
to sink or swim
The posts to catch up will be out of place – be that faulted or folded eroded and examined – they are part of the landscape – my issues are part of the landscape all be it imposed stress – unnecessary in taste – I do not make to ‘make myself better’ a therapy for periods of anxiety or depression – I make because I am compelled to make – not to make is hell – death – so anything that stops you is to be feared – reviled – avoided unless foisted upon you
so here we go
