I am taking this time to reflect on the subject of my paintings and I have decided to look at the work, I made at the beginning of the year and to paint over them, because I do not feel they are relevant to the work that I am making now, which has developed a lot since the start. I normally paint over a lot of my work because I am not happy with them so I keep re-using the canvas until I am.
Here are a couple of the canvases I have re-painted and I am very happy with at the moment.
This painting is called Dry Cut and represents the anxiety I have related to the items shown, like going to the hairdressers and losing my keys. I wanted to make a spray painting that looked like a photo-gram, so it was supposed to be a white background with blue spray paint but, I forgot what I was doing and started to spray the canvas yellow. I stopped when I realised what I was doing and obviously the yellow turned green. Although it was an accident, I quite like the added colour; it’s like a scan showing brain activity.
The objects I used are related to things I fear/dread for example: I recently lost my keys and panicked til I found them because I do not like not knowing where my belongings are. I was getting stressed out thinking about how much they would cost to replace (£45), the money potentially lost because of not being able to go to work if I did not find them; constantly thinking the worse. Did I lose them taking the dog for a walk? Did they fall out my bag? Did I leave them at home? I am not normally this careless, why are they missing? – Over and over. Luckily I did find them.
There are some imperfections on the canvas, where I have pulled the objects away while the paint was still wet and usually I would repaint this but, I have left it this time because the painting exposes my irrational fears (faults).
I found another extract that I thought was quite fitting and that I like from David Batchelor’s ‘Colour’.
The other day I went to get my hair cut. From the outside the place looked quite forbidding with bright lights and blue neons that flashed on and off. Opening the door, I was thrown into an electric blueness that pervaded the whole space from the neon lights that seemed to duplicate their own reflection because of those countless mirrors that make it seem like there were a hundred people all having the same haircut. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how grey I looked but was then reassured to see that the girl cutting my hair looked equally grey, or perhaps more…But what did it matter, authentic was the least problem. It was all getting quite Alice in Wonderlandish as I was mesmerized by the black and white chequered floor and the thumping white neons that flashed on and off to some unrecognizable dirge. Perhaps I was the one in my own small world.
Melanie Smith, Statement for Colour, 2007. (Cited in Colour by David Batchelor, pp.224-25)
This painting below is called Hypnotic fear; I have only used pink and blue spray paint with a yellow acrylic background. It is an A3 sized painting and shows a cycle of fears that people with anxiety usually feel trapped in, with triggers. The moments when you feel like you are in a downward spiral and can’t escape.
More paintings:
Mind Map
Celestial Fracture
This piece was the first biggest canvas (A4) that I tested the cotton pads on but, there was something about it that I did not like and parts were not painted, so I decided to pull the pads away from the surface and see if I could get the whole lot of in one piece, which I nearly did. I thought that what I had removed would look good with a white background so I found some paper and Ta Dah! Personally it is probably one of my favourite pieces.
Going back to the whole key thing, I have made this work below using my old house key, a frame from an old canvas and string that I have used in the process of my final piece.
This relates to being worried about losing my keys also. With this old house key (which had my primary school locker key attached and a keyring) I had chucked in a hedge in the front garden while playing football after school. I had tried to find them after but could not (I was not that bothered, as I am now that I have more responsibilities being an ‘adult’ and because I roughly knew where they were). They were found several years later when the hedge was pulled up. I am now always checking I have my keys and the doors are locked repeatedly. I have made it so it looks like the key has been caught in a web (thoughts that play on my mind).
Another work I have made involving thread:
The image on the left is how this idea started. I cut up an old band shirt and began adding strands of colour thread to symbolize hair. I was planning on sewing the shirt up and then filling the inside with objects, but a friend suggested hanging it from the corners (letting the ‘hair’ down). liked this idea so I bought better quality fabric and doubled it in half for more thickness. I also bought some brighter thread which looks a lot better than the first lot I used. The right image is the final outcome; it is currently hanging up in the studio space.
