about to do something i havent done in a while – walk away from the computer and read a book.
I have studio/making anxiety and find myself surfing the net instead of knuckling down. I am avoiding the situation, the moment and feeling very out of synch with art, my art and the art world.
I have cried twice this morning both about the same thing, the shootings on Utoya, I read the texts sent between mother and daughter whilst the shooting was going on. How they could be so calm was amazing, makes me tearful just typing this post and i cried again when a radio 2 dj read out an excerpt when i was driving.
The power of text in real time is frightening, absorbing, addictive and detached but at the same time provides a space to project and to latch on personally.
The mother must have wanted super powers to fly in and swoop her up, and all the others.
The boys are out of the house and its very quiet and i am surprised by how furious and angry I am by my powerlessness.
xxx
I submitted another application for a residency today – so fingers x’d something comes up.
Am feeling less ranty and trying to be positive. Hence the photo. How can i be too miserable when that’s my view.
generally f’d off.
just annoyed, full of cold, first time in a month for childcare for art and not money work and i am panicking about being skint.
i’ve had bt engineer out for phone line and probably have to pay £130 he fixed it in around an hour – brilliant rate of income -BT, thinking about going to cable and not having a land line, just mobile, skype and internet.
Next we’re are shafted by the electrician who has managed to add on another £200 on to our bill from his original quote. – total a-hole. mass apologies for text swearing but need to get it out before boys home. I have never seen such a crap invoice, no breakdown of labour & parts etc. he was recommended as being good and fair. argh Nick is going to try and dispute – i can feel the frustration in his voice, I dont think he needs much more for him to disappear abroad for work.
and i have had to book car in for a service!!!
Anyone want to give me a job?
Our first foreign student has been here 3 nights and havent really seen her. Makes me realise that I lead a very quiet and routine existence. Two more arrive saturday.
maybe i should buy some bunk beds off of ebay when i get paid at the end of the month from my last bit of teaching. Or I am sorely tempted to move boys in with us and move two more students in to their room as its nearly the end of the summer and temporary – will see how nick feels.
He wouldnt be the one making 5 lunch boxes and dinners every day.
Right Rant OVER!!!!!! and hugs to everyone else feeling rubbish and lacking cash.
Have at least finished a proposal for a residency today and trying to get my head round another.
I’ll be back when i’m more articulate.
xxxx
