Manchester School of Art (MMU)

Well I think the last 5 days have been the worst I’ve ever had. Every second was dominated by worry and doubt.

This is due to me getting to a point where there are a lot of decisions to make about ‘the future’, and not wanting to choose the wrong one.

It all started with getting a string of bad emails on Friday evening. The first was that the April exhibition in London I was in was being postponed till the following year due to lack of funding. Then some ceramicists I asked for work experience were not able to do so.
A magazine who called earlier in the day were interested in putting me in their April edition, but in their email it turned out that they wanted me to pay for this.
Finally the Arts Council email saying it was unlikely that I would get funding for my residency.
All these opportunities, which would have been a great boost to my practice, fluttered away in a few clicks of the mouse.
The worst was the residency funding as I’ve spent months researching, organising and contacting people in New Zealand and there is no way I would be able to self fund it. The reasons they gave made sense, but after all the other emails it made me start to doubt my work, my ability and myself as a maker.

I think I sat in front of my computer screen for a good half-hour until I realised I had to stop and evaluate the situation. What were my choices, but most importantly what did I want to do?
I made a cup of tea, sat down with a pad of paper and a pen and wrote:

What do I want?
1. To go to the Royal College of Art
2. To travel
3. To improve my making skills
4. To teach

Ok so to go to the RCA I need money, providing I get in!
I can go back to Yorkshire as I have the opportunity to live in a house rent-free and set up a small studio there. I also have a job I can walk back into so have the opportunity to save up, as well as getting on with my own work.

I want to travel, but that costs money and I’m trying to save up.

I want to improve my making skills but so far have been unsuccessful getting work experience, I started researching other avenues, but then it all starts getting expensive.

I want to teach. This is something I’m really keen on, as I love passing on my skills to other people. I want to give kids the opportunity to make with clay that I did not get when I was younger, I love seeing the joy it brings when they realise that they can actually make something out of the sticky stuff!
So I need a PGCE, but that’s another year at uni, more spending, and something I’m not sure if I want to do yet.

So that’s what has been going round in my head all weekend. Then going back into uni on Monday and trying to get on with my work in the studio, with business report deadlines looming, I found it so difficult to concentrate and then…

…I started questioning my work.
I haven’t been happy for a while with my work, and I think its due to being on a course that is about business. I was seeing things as products: Are they too expensive? What can I do to make them sell? What is my unique selling point?
This is all valuable information, as in the end we all have bills to pay! But I knew my work was loosing its integrity and I had completely lost my focus!

I was making things for the hell of it, changing it all of a sudden and doing something else, never really any structure, just all over the place.

It all came to a head today and I knew I needed to write. I wrote down everything I was interested in and made myself answer why.

By doing this I was able to see the connections in my work, what my focus really is and have found a way forward through the mess. I now have a project, which I am happy with and see a lot of potential in.

I have also decided on going back to Yorkshire to start saving for the RCA as that is where my heart lies. I have the facilities to make work for the London exhibition in May next year and good contacts with local galleries. I am also thinking of organising an after school ceramics club at my local school, with an exhibition of the children’s work at the end. This will let me continue to teach and put to good use the skills I have accumulated in the last 4 years at Uni.

So, it’s been a pretty horrible few days. I’ve had doubts about work before, but never on this scale, and not with the added worries of what to do after this year. I used to get them on my BA course coming up to the last few weeks before a deadline, and I’m sure many of you have too. Is this work right? Do I have time to change this or that? What do I do next?

I find writing helps, even if its just nonsense at first, eventually a glimmer of sense rises up from the mess.

I’ve posted all this on my blog as a way to finalise it I suppose. It’s up here, I’m happy with the decisions I’ve made and can finally get on with doing what I want to!

Hope everybody had a great Christmas and New Year. I spent the holidays finally getting my own website together!

It is now up and running, however I’m sure I’ll still be tinkering with it for the next few weeks!

I’d really appreciate any feedback you could give me i.e layout, style, ease of navigation, content. First website I’ve ever done so I’m sure there is lots I haven’t thought about!

www.anna-whitehouse.co.uk

I also have a new and exciting plan for my ceramics which I will be posting in the next few days, so watch this space!