meeting points and disconnects: the cultural nuances of emotional expression.

How dare you go away so silently and leave your family who is loving you so much.

00:10:12:00 – 00:10:23:12

We are missing you and loving you. We are reluctant to let you go. Papa

00:10:23:12 – 00:10:32:02

Papa! Papa! Please go slowly

00:10:32:02 – 00:10:40:13

You children’s hearts are so broken

00:10:40:13 – 00:10:57:10

We will make a date in the next life and become the loving family again.

00:10:57:10 – 00:11:14:12

Papa! Why do you leave us like this?

00:11:14:12 – 00:11:31:10

Take care of yourself, during the trip to the heavens, we wish you a pleasant journey.

00:11:31:10 – 00:11:48:03

Oh, god, why do you take our papa away?

00:11:48:03 – 00:12:12:22

The wind is strong and the rain is heavy during the journey to heaven, your kids wish a pleasant journey.

2722.mov

0.00.00 – 0.14.18

Dear friends. Dear community.

0.14.18 – 0.22.22

Hello everyone. It is an ordinary night for others.

0.22.22 – 0.33.03

To the children, tonight is a sad night.

0.33.03 – 0.37.08.

Tonight we loath to part from each other.

0.37.08 – 00.49.22

Papa. Can you see, your filial children have all come to see you.

00.49.22 – 00.57.22

Can you hear? Why? Why have you gone?

00.57.22 – 01.11.22

Papa. Please come back. Your children are calling out to you!

01.11.22 – 1.18.03

Your children are shouting your name loudly! Papa!

1.18.03 – 1.27.13

Papa! We are kneeling for you now.

1.27.13 – 02.10.15

My tears are like a river flowing. The drops of tears fall down in front of Papa’s alter.

02.10.15 – 2.32.01

My belly is full of words. But don’t know how to express.

2.32.01 – 02.43.14

With tears in my eyes calling my papa.

02.43.14 – 03.04.10

My long-suffering father.

03.04.10 – 03.18.10

Papa. Please open your eyes and look at the world again.

03.18.10 – 03.35.00

Can you see? Can you hear? Every one of your filial children has come back to see you!

03.35.00 – 00:03:40:08

Come to your alter!

00:03:40:08 – 00:03:47:11

They want to talk to you! They want to tell you their intimate words.

00:03:47:11 – 00:04:01:22

Papa! Papa! As you are gone, your children’s hearts are so broken.

00:04:01:22 – 00:04:14:08

Papa! Papa!

00:04:14:08 – 00:04:36:03

Papa! Don’t go away!

00:04:36:03 – 00:04:53:13

Your children can’t live without Papa!

00:04:53:13 – 00:05:18:20

Papa! You worked so hard raising us

00:05:18:20 – 00:05:28:23

Going through hardship his whole life, raising children.

00:05:28:23 – 00:05:39:07

Our papa!

00:05:39:07 – 00:05:49:16

Papa!

00:05:49:16 – 00:06:15:04

Papa! Can you see? Our mother was pregnant ten months and then we come out to your arms.

00:06:15:04 – 00:06:30:06

Papa! We grew up in your arms since childhood. Fed by your care. But now your are gone!

00:06:30:06 – 00:06:41:18

As your children, we haven’t rewarded your kindness and your nurture of love.

00:06:41:18 – 00:07:03:17

We haven’t enjoyed enough time as your children in this life. We are hoping to be your children again next life to appreciate you kindness and love.

00:07:03:17 – 00:07:17:14

In the journey to the heaven the wind is strong and the rain is heavy. Watch out!

00:07:17:14 – 00:07:21:08

Take care of yourself!

00:07:21:08 – 00:07:33:14

We can’t look after you Papa! You have already gone.

00:07:33:14 – 07.44.18

When we miss you, all we can do is look at your pictures.

07.44.18 – 00:07:50:21

We can meet only in dreams, Papa.

00:07:50:21 – 00:07:59:01

When we miss you, we can only talk to your grave.

00:07:59:01 – 00:08:12:22

During the festivals we will burn joss sticks for you and come to see your grave.

00:08:12:22 – 00:08:22:20

Papa! Have a pleasant journey, Papa!

00:08:22:20 – 00:08:39:22

Papa! Papa! Papa!

00:08:39:22 – 00:08:48:16

hardworking

00:08:48:16 – 00:09:05:19

hardworking through your whole life. Enjoy your peace.

00:09:05:19 – 00:09:40:00

You work hard for your children. We are rewarding your kindness.

00:09:40:00 – 00:10:01:00

our suffering father.

00:10:01:00 – 00:10:13:16

Papa! Can you your children are calling you intensely!

00:10:13:16 – 00:10:34:05

Papa! Let your children call you Papa one last time. Papa!

00:10:34:05 – 00:10:57:00

Do we need more?

00:10:57:00 – 00:11:05:11

twenty minutes is so long

life has been going to fast. more translations, meeting people, gave talk, thinking about how to leave, and sadness creeping in that time is running out.

DC2724.mov

00:00:52:05- 00:01:00:20

Our kindly, kindhearted, never-ending loving kindness, father

00:01:00:20 – 00:01:11:19

You have gone. You have left exhausted. You have gone like this in peace. Papa

00:01:11:19 – 00:01:30:18

Do you know all of your filial children’s heart are tearing and bleeding since you have gone.

00:01:30:18 – 00:01:59:04

In this last night you stay with us, let your children call you our papa, our kindhearted and great papa.

00:01:59:04 -00:02:18:20

Your children’s tears are like a river flowing.

00:02:18:20 – 00:02:36:11

Drops of tears are falling in front of Papa’s alter.

00:02:36:11 – 00:02:45:10

Our good father.

00:02:45:10 – 00:02:55:22

My belly is full of words. Papa!

00:02:55:22 – 00:03:03:21

Don’t know how to start to express

00:03:03:21 – 00:03:15:00

Don’t know how to start to express! With tears in my eyeys calling apa

00:03:15:00 – 00:03:35:17

Our kindhearted Papa. Our good papa

00:03:35:17 – 00:04:00:18

Father you are the pillar of our family. On your trip to heaven could you please look back to see us.

00:04:00:18 – 00:04:16:22

You are alone on your trip to heaven, as the wind is strong and the rain is heavy, take care of yourself.

00:04:16:22 – 00:04:25:14

We couldn’t see your kindly face since this moment

00:04:25:14 – 00:04:31:12

We couldn’t hear your teaching of virtues since this moment

00:04:31:12 – 00:04:47:00

Tonight in our family table, we can’t see your being or your chopsticks and bowls

00:04:47:00 – 00:05:00:18

We really miss you and love you, we are reluctant to let you go, Papa!

00:05:00:18 – 00:05:20:11

My suffering father, please leave slowly.

00:05:20:11 – 00:05:37:18

We will remember the days we spent with you forever!

00:05:37:18 – 00:05:57:21

Our good father, you were there for us, Papa!

00:05:57:21 – 00:06:05:00

Suffering, lots of suffering and tiredness.

00:06:05:00 – 00:06:16:07

With tears in my eyes calling Papa!

00:06:16:07 – 00:06:25:21

Our great Papa!

00:06:25:21 – 00:06:35:09

Our father!

00:06:35:09 – 00:06:59:08

Papa! You are alone on your trip to heaven, as the wind is strong and the rain is heavy, take care of yourself. Papa!

00:06:59:08 – 00:07:23:09

If there is any circles, or next life, let your children come back to your arms and be your children again.

00:07:23:09 – 00:07:30:16

Could we be the loving family again?

00:07:30:16 – 00:07:46:02

Our good papa! Papa! Papa! Don’t go away

00:07:46:02 – 00:07:55:08

Your childrens hearts are so broken!

00:07:55:08 – 00:08:12:12

Take care of yourself during your trip to the heavens. Your children are kneeling for you.

00:08:12:12 – 00:08:30:02

Oh god, why do you take our father away?

00:08:30:02 – 00:08:48:02

We can make a date in the next life to become the loving family

00:08:48:02 – 00:09:05:03

Papa! Why have you gone like this?

00:09:05:03 – 00:09:21:08

My suffering Papa! Take care of yourself. We wish you a pleasant journey!

00:09:21:08 – 00:09:44:10

Papa! Its you that gives us our new life, it is you who gives us a loving family, it is you that raises us up, holding our hand.

00:09:44:10 – 00:09:51:23

Now we have grown up, we have our own family and career already.

00:09:51:23 – 00:10:04:14

But it is time for you to enjoy your happiness of autumn time.

00:10:04:14 – 00:10:12:00

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We went to dinner at Pizza hut last night. Oh, we had a craving for pizza. Highlight of the night was when our warm beers were served with a straw in them and with a warm empty coffee mug accompanying it.Remind myself never to give in to ‘western’ food cravings in china

We went to a hotpot restaurant down a back lane. She told matt about it – the hotpot is chongqing’s dish and its proudness – its like a fondue burning in the middle of the table – a big soup like dish, brimming to the top with fragrant chillies and peppers. and then you add what you want and then fish it out via chopsticks! After trying to point to things on the menu (all chinese), then our translation book out, and then seeing if anyone in the restaurant could speak english, then touring the kitchen, then calling She if for translations, we worked out we want beef, potato, tofu and cabbage added. The hotpot was so so fiery hot, with the sichaun peppers it felt like you no longer had lips. So drinking beer was the antidote, and I found myself walking out the restaurant three beers later, at lunch time. A big rarity for me! 6 beers later, and the lunch was 60RMB – less then $10 for the three of us. was very lovely. We haven’t seen cutlery for months now, and we are managing OK, but have to wash the clothes a lot!

She came over in the afternoon for another translation. The translation are interesting, they lead to some great conversations about life in China and life in Australia. I say a lot of the funeral criers words are about sacrifice, and living a harworking life, devoted to children. She talks about that when she wants to buy her house, she will ask her parents for the money, she says most parents will give money for their children’s houses. They would work about 20 years for this. She says, that life here is about sacrifice, about going with out so others can share. She says that life is also about connections. She said nepotism is rife and also celebrated. Everyone is under morepressure to work hard, move to work, leading to a lot of pressure and often divorce. We talk about the divorce rate – she says its growing – now 8.5 per cent. When I say ours is about 33 per cent she is a bit stunned. She says the women don’t fare well in divorces here – they don’t get much of the wealth at all – its hard to move on.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-15536464

We talk about role of women, role of men, role of children. I say that I have noticed how Chinese children are very quiet. When I see children at galleries, I see them holding their mothers hands, contentedly. My son, runs around wild, says hi everyone, pulls me around like mad to look at all the artwork and then starts running wild between all the work. She says her upbringing was strict – kids are not supposed to talk at the table – only adults talk. Kids learn to sit still early. She says its not as strict now, but still a lot stricter than I would ever consider with my son. She then tells me more Chinese kids today know how to work an iphone, than tie their own shoelaces. I would think its the same in Australia.

We talk about facebook, youtube, etc. which are all banned here. She says there is the chinese facebook, chinese youtube and chinese msn – QQ. all are monitored by the government, so you just can’t write certain words. I ask if she would like to be on facebook – she says “no – none of my friends use it, so its not relevant.’

We are planning to get some pizza tonight with everyone.

We went out to Gunes Terkol’s opening at the organhaus Gallery last night. Before, we dashed into our local little restaurant for a quick bite. Pablo seems to have shifted into comfort mode here – off to see the people in the cafe, then off the see the people in the bar. I am chasing after him – then the ladies are grabbing his hand and taking him for walks, giving him more sweets at dinner time… Matt had dressed him in three quarter pants, as his jeans had not dried yet. oh, did we get told off for this – all of the ladies were cussing Matt! In winter, even if its not that cold, everyone should cover themselves, and no one has any problem telling you off if you don’t. Shaking their heads at us as they sneak him more sweets.

We can’t sit down for a dinner with out the ladies grabbing pablo’s hand and taking him for walks to see all the other ladies. He thinks if they are grabbing his hand, its OK to walk off – which leaves matt and I on a constant state of watching as he explores. You can turn for one second, and he is gone. I am trying to teach him to ask us first, but its not working. By the third week in Beijing, it was the same – Pablo would make him self at home with everyone. Walk in to gallery spaces, say hi to everyone, make himself comfortable on their couch, start flipping through the artbooks. Everyone was ‘Oh hi Pablo!’. He would walk into shops and studios – say hi, start playing with everyone. He knew more people than we did. He seems like a little explorer and he doesn’t seem to stress at all if we are not beside him. I love his curiousity and don’t want to dampen it with fear, but we are on the constant look out with him. We are off to India for a few months next year, so he needs to learn to stay beside us. I keep saying mummy and daddy don’t want to lose you – stay close to us, but he has so much trust with everyone, all he knows is people laughing, smiling and playing with him.

We then ventured over to an opening of the students. The students do courses so they can get into university – and interestingly, this is all about technique – so we saw hundreds of drawings looking exactly the same, and hundreds of still life paintings of fruit looking exactly the same. The same colour palet, the same brush stroke. One would think the whole exhibition was the same artist. Once the students master this technique, they make the entrance exam for Sichuan university. This can take years. As we walked in, all the students saw Pablo and all the focus shifted from the art to us. We had hundreds of people surrounding us, cameras out. Pablo, powered by the Snicker bar given to him by the lady at the Bar, decided that instead of his usual hide his face routine, he would pose for everyone, so he jumped out of the pram and started pulling moves like a model. This created a bit of a frenzy of photographers.

Gunes Terkol’s, the other artist in resident as Organhaus was great. She works with different local women – and she mostly uses fabric and stitiching, a real sense of things have been hand touched. Gunes is from Istanbul.

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