meeting points and disconnects: the cultural nuances of emotional expression.

The weather is amazing. Blue sky! oh blue sky! I haven’t seen you for so long – it feels so good to have you back. we walked down the street, and it seems to have affected everyone, more shouting, more laughing, more smiling. We had some dumplings for lunch – oh, I will miss this food. Pablo and Matt have gone out to play soccer, and I am to meet She to do another session of translation. We have translated three out of seven.

She came over. Now four out of seven done.

DC2824.mov

0.00.0 – 00.15.03

Papa has gone thousands of miles away. His children’s tears will never dry

00.15.03 – 00.22.12

The silent and dark night. Papa you sleep in the coffin lonely.

00.22.12 – 00.28.18

Your filial children come here to say goodbye to you.

00.28.18 – 00.35.19

We feel reluctant about you leaving. We are not willing to let you go.

00.35.19 – 00.40.05

We don’t want you to leave papa

00.40.05 – 00.44.17

Let us look at you one more time papa

00.44.17 – 00.49.18

Let us call you papa the last time

00.49.18 – 01.04.01

papa! Papa!

01.04.01 – 01.22.17

Your children’s tears are like a river flowing.

01.22.17 – 01.39.11

Drops of tears falling down in front of Papa’s alter

01.39.11 – 01.58.16

Papa. My belly is full of words to tell you. Papa.

01.58.16 – 2.05.19

I don’t who to say

2.05.19 – 02.14.19

With tears in my eyes calling papa

02.14.19 – 02.25.05

My dear papa

02.25.05 – 02.33.12

The most kind and best papa

02.33.12 – 02.38.16

Papa do you hear us calling? Papa

02.38.16 – 02.44.04

Can our calling wake up Papa?

02.44.04 – 02.53.19

Papa? Wake up? Papa! We are your children?

02.53.19 – 03.09.20

Calling Papa one time, don’t go away! Papa! Our dear Papa

03.09.20 – 03.17.22

Dear father, you work hard your whole life.

03.17.22 – 03.25.11

You raised us to adults.

03.25.11 – 03.41.04

Papa, my papa, my most dear papa.

03.41.04 -03.57.04

Dear father you work hard to raise your children.

03.57.04 – 04.12.16

Dear Papa, my most dear papa.

04.12.16 – 04.28.04

Dear Papa, take care of yourself in your journey. We won’t forget you forever.

04.28.04 – 04.43.10

Dear father you work hard to raise your children.

04.43.10 – 04.51.08

Dear father you are hardworking your whole life.

04.51.08 – 04.59.00

Your children are kneeling for you now.

04.59.00 – 05.13.23

Dear Papa. My most dear and best papa.

05.13.23 – 05.29.04

Dear Papa, take care of yourself in your journey. We won’t forget you forever.

05.29.04 – 05.53.10

Dear Papa, please rest in peace, let us call Papa for the last time.

05.53.10 – 06.06.14

Papa. Let filial children call you Papa one last time.

06.06.14 – 06.27.05

Papa Papa keep safe in your journey, have a pleasant journey.

06.27.05 – 06.39.19

Papa, your teaching we won’t forget forever. We will talk of your moral character generation by generation.

06.39.19 – 06.48.18

If we have a next life we want you to be our most dear and greatest father.

06.48.18 – 06.58.23

Papa – rest in peace. Papa.

06.58.23 – 07.14.02

Papa! Papa! My dear Papa! Have a pleasant journey. Have a smooth journey.

07.14.02 – 07.24.07

We will love you forever. We will remember you forever! Papa!

07.24.07 – 8.09.20

Papa! Papa! Papa! Papa! Papa! Papa! Papa!

8.09.20 – 08.16.07

Hope you have a smooth and pleasant journey to the heaven.

08.16.07 – 08.24.22

Enjoy peace for ever in the far away heaven.

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2827.mov

0.00.00 – 0.05.14

Please open your eyes and see

0.05.14 – 0.17.15

At this moment, all of your children come back and kneel here

0.17.15 – 0.31.14

Watching you, our heart is full of sadness. Watching your ghost leaving this world

0.31.14 – 0.38.21

Mother. We are the flesh from your body

0.38.21 – 0.45.21

mama. We are so reluctant to let you go. Mama

0.45.21 – 0.55.16

Why are you gone? How could this happen? How could you leave?

0.55.16 – 1.06.04

Where can we find you when we are missing you? Mother

1.06.04 -1.16.13

We are calling you, deeply, at home. Come back Mama

1.16.13 – 1.31.04

Mama……mum!

1.31.04 – 1.35.08

Mama!

1.35.08 – 1.48.01

We have so much sadness and are reluctant to let you go.

1.48.01 – 02.13.09

My tears are like a river flowing

02.13.09 – 2.32.10

Drops of tears are falling down in front of mothers alter.

2.32.10 – 2.42.03

Our good mama

2.42.03 – 2.52.00

My belly is full of words to tell you my dear Mother.

2.52.00 – 3.02.12

I don’t know how to begin to tell you

3.02.12 – 3.16.01

with tears in my eyes, calling “mum”

3.16.01 – 3.26.13

my dear mum. Mama.

3.26.13 – 3.37.00

You shouldn’t go.

3.37.00 – 3.55.16

mum, my good mama, you work hard to raise us up, you taught us good morals.

3.55.16 – 4.02.03

Mum. You give us happiness to our family.

4.02.03 – 04.07.16

Now your children have grown, and are able to take care of you.

04.07.16 – 04.12.05

But you are gone.

04.12.05 – 04.19.16

Mum, we don’t have enough time to be your children.

04.19.16 – 04.31.01

In our next life, we would like to go back into your arms and be your children again.

04.31.01 – 4.39.04

We could repay your kindness of giving birth and raising us

4.39.04 – 04.57.07

Our good mum. But you have gone.

04.57.07 – 05.11.21

Your kids will remember you for ever.

05.11.21 – 05.27.21

Our good mama. You are working so hard, mum.

05.27.21 – 05.46.02

You raised us, taking good care of us.

05.46.02 – 06.03.09

My good mama. Mama. Come back.

06.03.09 – 06.14.12

Even though we are calling your name so intensely we still couldn’t stop your rushed pace.

06.14.12 – 06.27.15

Mum. Its time for you to go. You are tired. You should take a rest. If you want to go, please go.

06.27.15 – 6.33.08

Your children will miss you for ever and keep you in their hearts for ever.

6.33.08 – 6.45.05

Your kindness of giving birth and your virtues you taught us, we won’t forget, forever.

6.45.05 – 07.02.00

Our good mother, you have gone.

07.02.00 – 07.15.19

Your children will remember you forever.

07.15.19 – 7.32.15

Our good mama. Appreciating your kindness. Mama

07.32.15 – 07.51.11

My mum, keep yourself safe in the journey to the heavens.

07.51.11 – 08.11.10

My dear mum, you have gone for ever.

08.11.10 – 08.19.07

My mum. We are apart, never to meet again. Keep yourself safe in the journey.

08.19.07 -08.23.13

Take good care of yourself in the journey.

08.23.13 – 08.39.00

In the last night we spent together, let your children call you mama for the one last time.

08.39.00 – 08.47.12

Take good care of yourself in the journey. Keep yourself safe in the journey.

08.47.12 –

Mum

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7.10.20 – 7.25.00

My good mama, its hard to forget you. My dear mother.

7.25.00 – 7.41.22

I will reward you in the next life.

7.41.22 – 08.11.18

My dear mother. Mama. Let me call you mama, the final time

08.11.18 – 8.28.08

My dear mama, my dear mother.

8.28.08 – 8.56.00

mama. Mama

8.56.00 – 9.32.08

mama

9.32.08 – 9.40.22

Mama could you please look at your children one more time. They are your most filial kids, and they are the ones that will never forget you.

9.40.22 – 9.51.08

My mama. Please go in peace. You will be immortal. Enjoy your peace in heaven. You virtue affects the world.

9.51.08 – 10.18.23

my mama

10.18.23 – 10.36.09

kneeling three times in front of the alter to appreciate mother’s kindness.

10.36.09 – 10.40.14

appreciate mama’s kindness of raising us and the virtues she taught us.

10.40.14 – 10.44.03

remembering your never ending care

10.44.03 – 10.54.15

with deep love, I hope mother arrived to the heaven early and enjoy your peace there.

10.54.15 – 11.10.20

my good mama, my mama

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Mov.2823

0.17.02 – 0.21.12

The funeral music makes peoples tears fall

0.21.12 – 0.26.03

The white flowers show the sad memories of the deceased

0.26.03 – 0.32.10

The saddest thing in life is to lose the people they love

0.32.10- 0.41.10

Dear Mother. The world is so big but your love is bigger

0.41.10-0.47.20

The rivers are deep, the oceans are deep but your loving kindness is deeper

0.47.20-0.53.22

The trees grow to thousands of metres, but they cant forget their loving kindness and support of their roots. filial piety is the foundation of all values.

0.53.22 – 0.58.00

Mama you are gone for ever.

0.58.00 – 1.01.21

tonight we part never to meet again

1.01.21 – 1.08.05

tonight we put on our funeral clothes. filial piety is the foundation of all values.

1.08.05 – 1.16.03

we devote the flowers to our mother. We stand respectfully in front of the alter calling your name with deep emotion. Our livers and intestines feel like they are cut into inches.

1.16.03 – 1.21.06

Mama – Your children are coming to see you off.

1.21.06- 1.45.09

My tears are like a river flowing

1.45.09 – 2.00.11

The drops of tears are cast in front of Mama’s alter

2.00.11-2.24.06

The sadness is so deep that I don’t know how to express it

2.24.06 – 2.42.01

Calling my mother with tears in my eyes.

2.42.01 – 2.52.14

My dear good mother. who brought us into the world is you, my mama, who raised us up is you, my mother

2.52.14 – 3.01.09

taking care of children. My mother works hard and lives thriftily

3.01.09 – 3.07.10

Past memories are hard to forget. The children come crying from birth.

3.07.10 – 3.14.21

It is our mother who brings us warmth, selflessness and love to us.

3.14.21 – 3.26.00

Mama. We appreciate your kindness of giving birth and the affection of raising us and the virtues of teaching us.

3.26.00 – 3.35.14

We are so appreciative of your kindness which is deeply ingrained in our hearts.

3.35.14-3.40.00

The favor of drop water, should be rewarded with emerging springs

3.40.00 – 3.44.10

Such kindness like the warm sun can’t be repaid by heart as grass.

3.44.10 – 3.50.09

Keep hardworking for your whole life rewarding your large family

3.50.09 – 3.59.16

You didn’t have enough time to enjoy your autumn years. Mama. You are gone for ever

3.59.16 – 4.09.03

Calling your name thousands of times can’t bring you back. Kneeling thousands of times can’t bring you back either.

4.09.03 – 4.14.09

Kneeling, drops of tears, step by step,

4.14.09 – 4.20.01

My good mother, dear mama

4.20.01 – 4.25.18

Its hard to forget and hard to separate

4.25.18 – 4.38.15

my good mother, you are gone

4.38.15 – 4.52.03

My mother worked hard and lived thriftily her whole life

4.52.03 – 4.59.09

Mother’s whole life was spent worrying about the family.

4.59.09 – 5.08.17

I have not rewarded your kindness yet.

5.08.17 – 5.30.21

I keep mother’s loving care in my heart for ever

5.30.21 – 5.43.00

Dear mother, mama, we miss you, thinking of you and love you.

5.43.00 – 5.51.15

It hard to meet and harder to separate and we know its hard to meet you again.

5.51.15 – 5.59.00

saying goodbye to my dear mother. Keep safe in the journey to heaven and arrive there as early as possible. Go with peace.

5.59.00 – 6.10.02

We will work hard. Bring a lot of honor to the family line. Revitalize our family, and try our best to live and raise our children.

6.10.02 – 6.14.20

We are seeing you off and don’t worry

6.14.20 – 6.24.03

Even though we won’t be together this life. We want to be your children in the next life.

6.24.03 – 6.30.20

and hug you, appreciate you as much as we can.

6.30.20 – 6.35.03

We all have appreciation in our hearts

6.35.03 – 6.45.04

Rivers have its source of water, trees have their roots, we have your kindness as big as the world and as high as the sky.

6.45.04 – 6.58.05

My good mama, keep your journey comfortable

6.58.05 – 7.10.20

We are seeing you off and hope you arrived to heaven early.

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I talked a bit about Ai Wei Wei – ‘Ai Wei Wei has always been so very officially connected, and ‘If it happens to him, what about us?’. She says we know more about this situation because they can’t even type ‘ai wei wei’ into a browser. She tells me Chinese would never revolt, most people feel happy – or feel they are free -this is the most amazing thing, is that the government constricts us, but most people don’t know they do. I say – I think its the same everywhere. Then ‘We are peaceful people, we have never attacked another country in 5000 years. I am then left wondering about Tibet, about Taiwan and about the propaganda of the west and its fear of China, and the propaganda machine of China and how much I don’t know.

As we translate the funeral criers, we talk about the role of children and parents – she will always look after her mother and father – it is her duty – both financially and with physical help she says. Her parents will get the pension, but she will still be there to look after them. Her parents support her now, and there is no question of that either – there is no way she can support herself. She will be ready to move back with her parents, not now she says, but in the future. She asks me what happens in Australia. I say, Oh, many people put their parents into homes and nurses look after them. Parents like their kids to move out around 18 years old and begin their own life. She looks a bit stunned, and I feel a bit heartless. What happened? Reading these lines, from the funeral criers, and the words of love, it makes me think a lot about family relationships, expectations and roles. She says that you never really argue with your parents, it is your duty to respect them and do what they say. They have such a tight network of support, and a tight network of expectation. The pressure on these only children is huge. The careers they choose, the people they marry, but this expectation is both ways – love, blood and respect binding them together.

These funeral cryers are screaming as they sing these songs, banging there chest, throwing themselves to their knees, to the ground, throwing their arms in the air – eliciting the mourners to cry. The words are of love, speaking of virtues, and speaking of a life spent working hard to look after the family. Traditionally Chinese people must cry really loud and make really loud sounds at the funeral – this shows their love. She tells me that love is not a word that is used often between parents and children when they are alive. Parents do not tell children ‘i love you’ – in China, its sort of an implicitly known fact, and doesn’t need demonstrating with words. Its also not shown through hugs or affection. When I hug pablo and he kisses me, we get a few looks and smiles.