MFA Journal

As my performance comes closer I took the time today to have an Alexander Lesson focusing on the first few minutes.  The performance is improvised so this is not about planning what I will do – but rather how I will do it.

As is usual in an AT lesson I showed the teacher my movement – and my teacher with some questions and hands on helped me consider the key elements of the activity and my use of my body in movement in the space.

We considered gaze and focus – we thought about speed and timing – we talked it over and I tried out different ways to say hello to my materials as I began. I had been concerned about how to start as in the show I will need to begin before I enter the space – and thinking about how I will walk and then how the ball will take my attention revealed my concern with getting down to the floor in  a way that doesn’t distract from my saying hello to the ball. The hands on helped me re-calibrate the dynamic poise of my head in relation to my body as I looked – I can gaze with less movement – and show attention with less energy. The softness I experience as I release in extension helps me fill the space – to fully inhabit my body and the activity. I begin to be less concerned about getting down to the floor and the whole movement becomes free-er and more fluent.

We turn out attention to ending – again the sense of where my axis is as I look makes a big difference to the quality of the movement – paying attention to this makes it very clear to the viewer that I’m fully engaged with the ball – and also makes it very clear when I am not  – this is another kind of release – as having said hello to the ball in a new way every time – I will also be saying good bye to it in a new way each time.

This linking of extension with a kind of release – letting go – another element of being free to move – emerged recently as I was writing about my work. I realised that there were more links than I had initially understood for myself – with the three performances I had done before – including the one with the sorting out of stuff.  The sorting out stuff images will be the basis for future work that I can combine with the balls – for now I like to both and either or of the two balls – so won’t add a third dimension either to my performance or to the projected or printed images.

Moving into ‘realisation’ means a change of gear. Last term for me was all about process and play – and now there is outcome to consider.

This has meant clarifying and re-clarifying the key themes that I want to be at the heart of my show.  So, as I continue to experiment I go back to base each time and think about how much the most recent emerging idea or image complements my key theme. Key themes are extension, freedom to move, age and gender.

Some of the questions about my performance are –

Day light or Spot light ?

What Activities?

Relationship between stills and video from previous performances and planned live performance.

Video or stills – separate or together – either or both and ? Why layer the images?

Projected images or photographic ones -and where in relation to the performance.

So far I am drawn to spot light – how many mature women are relegated to the shadows?

I can perform extension and freedom while standing – but would anyone other than a fellow alexander teacher be able to see it?

If I try other everyday activities or movements – How many and what kind?  Contenders so far are sports ball crochet ball and sorting out stuff. These activities all have the potential to extend and constrict – and my trial performances suggested that things were working for me when I worked with objects. Working in this sense was getting engaged in a way that allowed communication with an audience.

My three performances made for interesting video footage visually – but the sorting out stuff element wasn’t fitting conceptually – the two kinds of balls juxtaposing in the stills – sport and crotchet – offer two domains of activity that resonated for me and after discussion – with an audience.

Creating stills from the video footage enabled me to layer up the balls in juxtaposition – this together with the sense of movement that emerged from the stills – was exciting as the images fitted with the key themes and started to interest me their own right. There was something sensuous about the colours and shapes – and when I showed them to people it got them talking about the issues I had in mind when I was making the piece. It reminded me of Ali Smith’s novel How to be Both – which I plan to re read.

I am continuing to struggle with the relationship between what I have done already and what I plan to do in performance  – I have in mind that visitors may be drawn in more by seeing images in the space where I am going to perform – but the transition between that and the performance would have to be simple and clear – could I indicate absence with a spot light on the unaccompanied balls – prior to performance – I will have to try it out in the actual space.

This is the first time I have started to consider audience – I want my show to articulate the concerns that have preoccupied me in my art making this year – but I also want it to be accessible  for the mixed audience that we might anticipate at an MA show.

I was invited along with fellow MFA student Jodie Nicholson to contribute to an exhibition at Vegetable Agenda.

These images are taken from the web site – the work is by Mita Solanky, Colin Shaw and myself – and was photographed by Julian Mckenny. Full descriptors are available at the web site:

https://vegetableagenda.co.uk/basichumanneeds/basic-human-needs-featured-artists/

It was a great opportunity to be welcomed by Debbie and Julian to their home (being built) and their beautiful area for growing. Do go to their web site to see what they have been doing – they are making spaces for people and plants to grow – the basic human needs agenda is being lived – and we all benefited from the energy of their endeavours. There was a wide variety of work on show from well established artists and students alike – this made for a community feel which was added to by the provision of stone baked pizza.

Thank you Debbie and Julian for your welcome and for the opportunity of taking part.

My first experiences of making and moving in a large space evoked a sense of full extension. It  took me back to many different life’s moments. I remembered Iris Young’s feminist essay on Throwing like a Girl – I remembered an Alexander lesson on throwing, all about full extension as you let go of the ball – I remembered my dad saying he hadn’t thought to throw a ball at his daughter – it was a regretful comment made as he watched me play sport later on.

These resonances suggest to me this is a theme I can take with me into next term – what is it to embody full extension at different times in our lives? What will it be to move and mark full extension in my mature female skin?

I was excited to be introduced to the book Hyperdrawing at the start of the term. Reading more about performance and drawing indulged my long standing love of lines and gestural marking and I hoped might give me the chance to consider this in the light of  my other experiences of embodied process and performance.

One of the things about studying as a mature student is that you have an opportunity to re-appraise past learning and loves through new lenses. I have been keen not to rely on past learning as a default or defence against the new – and have concentrated on reading about ideas I haven’t come across before –  now in my second term I want to work towards being more explicit about how I can integrate new learning and previous experience.

Here I want to consider  about how my Alexander Technique training is influencing my approach to drawing and walking and performance.

The Alexander Technique is at its most simple the study of thinking in relation to movement – or more particularly how we direct ourselves in activity. How we direct ourselves in activity influences every aspect of our being.  Actors, musicians and singers have traditionally been interested in the technique as a method towards improved performance – however all performance – from the complex as in singing or drawing  or the more simple sitting or standing can be explored through an AT lens.

There is one idea that underpins the whole technique:  The poise of the head in relation with the body in movement is the key to freedom and ease of motion. Arguably if we develop a capacity to pay attention to this head body relationship and to the relationship of body parts to body parts as we move – we can utilise Alexanders discoveries – and learn to access increasing freedom of movement and mind in all of our activities throughout our lives.

Learning to teach this technique involves learning about Alexanders work through his writing, learning anatomy of movement and learning the use of hands as well as use of self in communication.  Interaction with a pupil in a lesson requires careful observation of movement and how this reveals conception.  A teacher needs to come to a lesson without anticipation of outcome but with a capacity to use a flexible framework for enquiry.   A lesson comprises of further interactions lead by the student and directed by the teacher – which are all at once and together about body and mind – a conversation with words and hands  – where there is no imposition – but potentially considerable challenge.

I hope the connection to an arts practice might be beginning to make itself clear here.

I have been wanting to use my Alexander Hands ( as it were ) to draw. This means accessing a kind of attention that is at once broad and focused – that is both thoughtful and embodied, it means accessing a way of using my hands (connected to a marker)  that does not cling to one idea – that responds not reacts – that stays with the moment – that asks not tells – that doesn’t impose and doesn’t anticipate outcome.

My first walks were drawn using a concertina sketch book – I bought several of these last term because I though they were fantastic objects – I wasn’t sure what I might use them for. As soon as I thought of walking and drawing they leapt to mind as they offered the possibility of ending up with a long continuous record. I soon saw that the folds broke up the drawing – in my tutorial we wondered about refolding the books for each journey and also about using a roll of paper in some kind of drawing contraption.

I played with these option for my month of walking – the folds in the concertina provide contrasting  containment and flow – and they are small enough to carry easily. My contraption was initially furnished with very cheap paper – the continuous isn’t quite continuous as the roller can get stuck  –   – it’s thinness provided a transparency and temporary  feel  – and it’s easy of crumple might provide interesting ways to display – eg in a huge pile of a tangle. The thicker paper in the books offers more resistance to mark making and more texture.

I first used wax in the paint workshop at the start of term – I loved its texture its softness and capacity to layer up and still hold some transparency . I mixed it with acrylic paint and enjoyed the feel of it while using a palette knife – it seemed good to capture flow and energy – to keep the gestural marks of the line. At this point I wasn’t sure how I might use it in my work.

A few weeks later I was buying oil stiks – and bought a stick called a blender – which turned out to be like a very soft and oily wax crayon. I used this as an experiment in one of my early walking drawings in the concertina sketch book. I was interested to see what it was like / and what happened when I made marks that I couldn’t see. The wax marks were a second layer over a 6B pencil – and I could see some of the marks as the blender smudged the pencil – introducing more movement in the lines – it was freeing not to see the marks and the blender slid over the pages very fast and easily – so I got to the end of my book more quickly than previously. The next layer was another experiment this time with water colour and a large soft brush. The choice of colour was arbitrary – what I had close to hand as I set off – and the challenge was more one of control than anything else – as it was hard to manipulate the colour washes while walking – some of the wash revealed the wax underneath – but this wasn’t the intention – the intention of the coloured lines was to capture my looking and experiencing  as I walked and drew. The last layer in this book was another  colour wash – I chose colours to contrast with the previous layer so as to see each journey – it was very windy and I was losing control of the refolded book. In some desperation I decided to forget the intention of making more journey marks and made a wash over most of the pages to reveal the rest of the wax marks. I became interested in making and revealing my marks.

My next experiments with use of wax and colour was with a new set of journey transcriptions my walk to the bathroom at night  – night moves. I chose this after a discussion with a tutor about experimenting with rules – it was more practical to try out  rule making with a nightly journey than the one to college which can be affected by many other contingencies. These journeys I planned to mark with a thin black ink pen – tentative sleepy maybe stumbly steps in darkness.   I decided to use the wax to make a first  recorded walk –   my responses to the dark.  I washed over the wax with thin grey water colour to reveal the light and shadow and allowed that to dry before using the papers to record my nightly journeys.  These recordings are ongoing. The rule is to record every night until my birthday in April. I trace my walk while not looking at my drawing – I have 7 pages – one each for the night of the week.

More recently I used the wax blender over my first recorded walked drawing  this time the marks were made not as transcriptions but as a response to the marks already on the paper – the concertina sketch book. I then used a colour wash to reveal the marks. The choice of colour was like Dennis the Menace – I just did it – I was of a mind to use red and orange.  In my tutorial with a tutor he asked me if I was intending ‘decorative’ – I am not – yet there is a tension for me between just making and transcribing – being in the process which is my intention – and being curious to see the images and lines that emerge – what I am looking for is lines and images that connect with lived experiences which speak of life, energy and movement – breath and rhythm – these emerge most fruitfully when my attention is on my own attention to my use in movement  ( not on the drawing) while I draw.

Notes made at time of planning walks

I will use transcription during activities ( walking and observed performances) as my main sources of marks –  my main starting points – in these activities I can fully engage with process and be least concerned with outcomes. I will use oil stiks as these are soft enough to reveal textured marks as I move them across a page – yet they are more permanent than charcoal marks – and as I refolded the papers I don’t lose the lines as I can with the charcoal – losing some is interesting – but losing too much and I end up with a muddy nothing ( so I do want something from the marks after I have made them- I do want to convey a journey a traveling / and movement in the marks and lines ). 

 I will use the wax blender  to respond to  transcript  marks and then use colour washes to reveal the wax marks –  responding with the wax – means you can’t immediately see the wax marks which helps me stay with process and immediate response. I will experiment with layers of journey and response. 

The question I have been posed is – ok where is this going – and I haven’t been sure. So I have been thinking about other ways to bring movement and journeying into studio  and looking at a whole new set of artists and literature – its only this week that I have begun to read about improvisation in an arts context. I have experienced  ‘improv’ workshops in the past as these skills are important for Psychotherapists and Alexander Teachers – I am excited to think about how I might be able to utilise this with my Alexander practice in my art work.  Instead of using my skills solely as a responder I will need to think about how I respond and then share the response as a work. This is a key theme for my current practice.