There’s so much about motherhood that I wish I had known beforehand but nothing quite prepares you for the madness that comes with it. I’m still processing day by day whilst caught up in the wider messiness of day to day life.
Having had such a beautiful journey through pregnancy, I was naïve to think that the birth would be the same.
I was not prepared for the emergency C-Section that was decided and the emotional trauma that it would bring. At that point, my only concern was to get my baby out safely. And then to add to this trauma came breastfeeding. What can I say about breastfeeding? Something so “natural” turned into something mortifying and emotionally and physically draining. The pressure to breastfeed because it was what the baby needed. It also saved the midwives a lot of hassle. It hurt continuously due to my boy being a “lazy latcher”. I just assumed it would come naturally. I tried skin to skin, different positioning, hand expressing to get a good start, shield and no shield but NOTHING! After two weeks of “breastfeeding” and pumping, the time came where I just couldn’t take it anymore and switched to bottle feeding. The relief. I felt this weight lift off my shoulders and how the role could now be shared with my partner.
This journey of motherhood has its highs and lows.
The bond.
The connection.
Body transformations for both of us.
Change is so quick. I can’t keep up.
With every new beginning, something has to end.
Motherhood: I am learning to walk the fine line, balanced between life’s joys and sorrows. Fully feeling. Fully living.
