Musings of a little known Artist.

A year on from my own degree show!

Last night i returned to my university for this years degree show. I year on since my own degree show, i made my way home feeling confused and disappointed. I mean no disrespect to any of the students participating but i left thinking that i didnt like a lot of the work.

There was a lot of painting, which i felt was of a good quality, as was the photography and the printing. The more conceptual work i seemed to struggle with. I found it difficult to appreciate and admire.

But instead of this meaning that the work isn’t very good, i’m now thinking that it has nothing to do with the quality of the work but comes from my own lack of understanding and my mental block when it comes to conceptual and sculptural work.

I find it very hard to appreciate sculptural and conceptual work. I just dont get it. i know it sounds ignorant but i really struggle. With the more conceptual work, if i know the history, the thought process, where it has come from then i will be able to relate or empathise better which in turn means that my appreciation is much better.

But at the degree show, i didnt have the opportunity to read about the work like i would have liked to nor to talk to the artists. The ones that i did manage to, i got a much better understanding.

So I’ve reached the conclusion that its me not you. Its my mental block the prevents me from being able to enjoy more of the work on show.

But it also worries me. I dont think that my work is particularly conceptual. Perhaps some people might thing it is, i see it as an obsession with night and darkness. How many people at my own degree show went away feeling the same way i did last night? what if the people that see my work at the the exhibition in august, leave feeling the same way that i left feeling yesterday?

i dont people to come along to my private view and think, wow that was really crap! So surely, hard work and effort will prevent this from happening? does one need anymore motivation than that?

In January I set myself a year long project that i would be able to complete alongside my full time job. The idea, to keep me making artwork and gain some exhibiting experience. I’m interested in the theories of the sublime and the uncanny, I’m slightly obsessed with darkness, mainly through an irrational fear of the dark. Though I’m scared of the dark, i have always been compelled to walk at night, through the city, the countryside, abroad and in the woods. I find it theraputic, inspiring and terrifying.

I approached a friend from my degree to see if he would be interested in exhibiting together as our work stems from an interest in the same theories and thoughts but has completely different outcomes. This is not a collaboration. I just thought it would be nice to do this together for experience as it appeared we had each set ourselves a project.

I’m a printer, but a lot of my prints are developed from drawings on walks and long exposure photographs, i wanted to split the project over the year with a summer exhibition of the photographs and the prints at the end of the year. I feel that its time to give my photographs some credit, i dont think they’re half bad. i dont see myself as a photographer but I’m not an amatur. Maybe i am, who knows.

The photographs are taken in west london in an inspiring urban environmental that i’ve always loved. There are elements to the area that remind me of ‘blade runner’ and ‘rear window’.

I’m really pleased with the way the photos are coming along, i’m starting to see groups that could be placed together for the exhibition. I’m starting to identify themes and i now want to take more photos with this in mind.

But as time passes i’m starting to take heed of the gallerist, perhaps the photos on their own won’t suffice? How will they look next to the other artist’s work which at the moment looks like it will comprised of large paintings/collage/screen-prints? Part of me thinks that the stark difference in the aesthetics of the work could really work. but what if the work is too different? My digital cityscape photographs and his handmade rural paintings/collage/screenprints? match in heaven or a disaster waiting to happen?

I have started planning out prints that i want to make. At the gallerist’s suggestion, i had thought to display both photos and prints together. she even suggested some sort of projection or animation but i dont know where that suggestion came from. in some ways my photos and prints could tie our work together quite nicely, but then i’m not sure that the photos would work next to the prints… and so the doubt continues.

But as i take more photos and start looking at which ones look good together in diptics and triptics, i get excited. Is that because they actually are good? Can a actually make this work? I think the rebel is coming out in me and though i have doubts, for the first time since I got the exhibition space, i’m starting to feel like i’ll be able to say, that i presented my proposal, photos that I’d already taken and you (the gallerist) agreed and this is how i want things to pan out.

And i want to be true to my original idea. It won’t be the end of the world if our work doesnt look good together, we’ll learn from the experience and move on.

But i want it to work. I’m proud of my photos and think they can stand on their own two legs, but will the audiance agree? what if i’m actually dilisusional and the photos really are just average photos, afterall “anyone can take photos at night”. But the point is, most never do. How many people walk around at night? How many people hear the birds singing at night? How many people feel safe outside at night? Are they any safer behind the closed windows with the lights on? Personally, I always sleep better after a midnight walk.