Degree Project: Digital Sketchbook

Thoughts of a repulsive side to the work arose from group crit 23/02/21. Reflection 18/04/21: And even more so from my 1-1 with Matt on the 15/04/21 – violence, destruction and abjection. The imagery of individual breasts being in a place where food is prepared/consumed/cooked, suggests what is done to food may be done to breasts. There’s this tone where they’re desirables/consumption for men, but with this comes the dark tone of the clay breasts creating this imagery of being real, raw flesh being eaten by men. In my opinion there’s some mode of abjection present.

Reflection 20/05/21: After my final group crit 19/05/21, Srin mentioned Moving in and around To Bite B&W Repeat in the studio has the ‘affect and abject’ come together. I liked this. It’s been apparent my work has aspects of abject in but it falls more thoroughly with causing an affect through the abject of the mouth eating the breast. Artist such as Dali and Brunel’s Un Chien Andalou were mentioned addressing the uncomfortable.

18/04/21: Consumption, mouth and breast become a rather uneasy approach to the female form, especially when the consumption is done by male. Currently I am projecting these to trial for the exhibition proposal and creating unusual spaces which make you feel surrounded.

Rachel Maclean, Make Me Up, 2018.

Within my dissertation I am currently analysing how there is a range of modes of abjection in artists work like Maclean’s Make Me Up there’s more this mode of abjection where watching too much of the film it disgusts you, see above, and with Cousins Finger, see below, the visual of a menstrual blooded flower suggesting a vagina shows the ‘real’ of what comes with a female body. It brings the ‘grotesque’ and the natural into the picture which is often forgotten about when we imagine the ‘idealised’ female form.

Maisie Cousins, Finger, 2017.

Abjection = “threaten our sense of cleanliness and propriety particularly referencing the body and bodily functions” (Tate, n.d.) , an actual breast shouldn’t be eaten and the fact the imagery/placement of the space conveys this weird thought it suggests within my work there is a mode of abjection is at play. However, even though this mode in my work isn’t as visually horrifying and bodily fluid covered like Sherman’s Grotesque series, the imagery and thought is enough to create these disturbed reactions that were present with my peers.

Reflection 10/05/21: Upon reflection of my formative assessment with Jane, I have mentioned Hal Foster many times within my blogs but haven’t gone further as I felt I wasn’t ready to understand, however now I am and above I mention Sherman’s grotesque series. It was Foster who acknowledges her swift changes from Untitled Film Still #2, to where “deidealization is pushed to the point of desublimation: with scarred sacks for breasts and funky carbuncles for noses, these bodies break down the upright lines of proper representation, indeed of proper subjecthood” (Foster, 1996, p 111), in “Obscene, Abject and Traumatic”, Sherman appears “the maternal body made strange, even repulsive, in repression” (Foster, 1996, p111), exploiting the true natural elements of the body to the viewers in a way we don’t like or often see. “This body is the primary site of the abject as well, a category of (non)being defined by Julia Kristeva” (Foster, 1996, p 111), I have discussed Kristeva further below where she suggests the abject with the natural being a terror as artists like “Sherman evokes these extreme conditions in some disaster scenes suffused with signifiers of menstrual blood and sexual discharge, vomit and shit, decay and death.” (Foster, 1996, p 111) to accentuate these visuals in Untitled #190 which she used civil war and sex images as her inspiration, see below.

Cindy Sherman, Untitled #190, 1989.

Foster talks about the obviousness of these images, they are extreme and “where it is invaded by the gaze, to the recent work, where it is obliterated by the gaze” (Foster, 1996, p 112), it becomes so hard to look at. “Sometimes the screen seems so torn that the object-gaze not only invades the subject-as-picture but overwhelms it.” (Foster, 1996, p113), they become almost too much to look at. I have this similar approach within To Bite B&W Repeat to the extent of different abjection, more of a disturbance and this unusual pairing of the body food and the body.

In Are You Watching?, is it becomes quite scary and uneasy as my film Consuming 2 was put as a food for thought for this exhibition, as you watch you see where my work has become more sculptural and less performative in the kitchen space. I think Consuming 2 has more peculiar qualities as you actually see the male biting into the breast, yet it is a white icing breast, no tonality and no realism to it. Whereas with the clay breasts displayed in the kitchen appear life like and this deeps this thought of them being eaten as real flesh breasts. Cousins and Maclean bring back this reality where the real effects of the body can be lost by its appearance – this is what I have done by forcing the viewers to see the male gazes’ approach to the form and how it’s so wrong.

The pink pretty light/party like feel in Are You Watching? could be a way of glamorising what is actually happening to women in society/male gaze – women being consumed.

06/04/21: Recently I have contrasted the glamorisation of abjection. Women being consumed has been redirected through Sweet Tooth B&W, I have taken to this new approach by eliminating the colour, using cellophane to almost show this desirable like ideal of consumption in a treat/sweet way with the aggressive chomping of a soft breast. Explores this uncomfortable grotesque act of abjection.

!!!!!! Reflection 10/05/21: Upon reflection from my formative assessment 06/05/21, Jane suggested to refer to the primary text of “Powers of horror; an essay on abjection” by Julia Kristeva. Kristeva suggests we first experience abjection when we separate with our mothers. She includes Freud and Lacan’s research but writes “It is thus not lack of cleanliness or health that causes abjection but what disturbs identity, system, order” (Kristeva, 1980, p 4), abjection is oddly unnatural, even though it is all about showing the ugly side of the natural we all don’t want to see. It’s the unusual/grotesque which is present within my recent works for the exhibition proposal. Especially in relation to the female form and the male mouth under the ideas of pornography. There enters sexual control, to a point we don’t want to visually see.

“Abjection, on the other hand, is im- moral, sinister, scheming, and shady: a terror that dissembles,* a hatred that smiles, a passion that uses the body for barter instead of inflaming it, a debtor who sells you up, a friend who stabs you.” (Kristeva, 1980, p 5), Kristeva talks about abjection being a terror that dismembers, this made me think immediately of Sweet Tooth B&W and To Bite B&W Repeat, to see a breast dismembered sitting on its own in the males mouth. There is already this dismembered feeling before the breast is viciously chewed, it becomes worse and worse and the film develops. Interesting to see this relation to which the abjection, which is the terror in this instance, taking place as the male mouth. From this, Kristeva mentions that “from the start, fear and object are linked” (Kristeva, 1980, p 33), especially with To Bite B&W Repeat, the breast shares the objectification and the fear of what is happening next.

“There is fear and fascination. The body (of the ego) and the (sexual) object are completely absorbed in it. Abjection—at the crossroads of phobia, obsession, and perversion—shares in the same arrangement.” (Kristeva, 1980, p 45) these are contrasting words placed together to explore the meaning of abjection and the fascination is that is suggested speaks to the sexual objectification present in the film, of the breast being the main show, where the viewers are forced to watch it become chewed and destroyed over and over. Many have described the film to have this fascination quality where you can’t look away. This invites the abjection  into the film – the being disturbed/unsettled/disgusted but continue to watch.

Lastly Kristeva writes “Freud discusses it at length in connection with taboo, totemism, and more specifically with food and sex prohibitions.” (Kristeva, 1980, p 57) regarding the way food and sex is spoken about immediately invites this disturbance when they are placed together. Kristeva talks about how food is “surrounded with a series of taboos” (Kristeva, 1980, p 75) prior to being paired with sex/body. I pieced an icing breast as food, with the mouth of a male prior to thinking of their pairing in this regards which has allowed for lots of different outlooks, research and approaches.

Yayoi Kusama was an artist I was given from 19/02/21 group crit. Kusama is “influential to the development of assemblage, environmental art and performative practices” (Auction Central News, 2016). She changes environments into immersive experiences – similar to how I worked in Are You Watching?

Reflection 26/05/21: I have taken Yayoi Kusama’s infinity room feel towards in my digital drawings for the exhibition proposal series. I used the use of the repetition from the Phalli’s Field into the way I’d hope to project To Bite B&W Repeat in the studio. The feeling of continual mouths.

I visited Kusama’s work in Amsterdam in 2016, I saw Infinity Mirror Room – Phalli’s Field and it was incredible. This work has sewed and stuffed fabric tubes surrounding the floor which is then boxed in by mirrors, see below, it created this ongoing ‘infinity’ appearance to the space, made it look huge!! It was very overwhelming but also had a cold feel to it, the continual white walls felt very surgical which was peculiar. This piece also had a walk way where you would go to get into the middle of the work, made it feel consuming and part of the work. There’s a resemblance to Anthony Gormley’s Field. These objects have a characteristic feel to them.

Yayoi Kusama, Infinity Mirror Room – Phalli’s Field, 1965.

NOTE: there is this relation to display of bodies I created within my CUBED exhibition in October, I used a projector in a very similar way, to help created an illusion of more clay bodies than there is – working with the shadows. As well as the placement of the figures surrounding the floor around you – I tried a variety of way soft how to display the figures, and looking back, one way I went with was using this similar lay out of the walk way to Kasuma was really successful in relation to involving the viewers.

The numerous figures surrounding the space, the use of bright red dots on the fabric made the work feel as though there was loads more than there actually was. You get lost looking at where one ends and the other begins. It’s a peculiar technique, of which is reflected in Are You Watching? for the interim exhibition, see still below. The projection of these circular breasts were said to have an illusionary visual of them, from afar they didn’t look projected but real. There’s this imagery of a repeating pattern in relation to the shape of breasts, circular and dotted around the space that was the kitchen.

Like how Kusama also used a domestic space where she invited people in to cover  the space in coloured dots in Obliteration Room in 2002. With this flows the use of a domestic space, like we as a group did in Congruous. There’s something oddly homey abut Kusama’s work here – even though it’s covered in dots! It also feels beautiful and inviting, a completely different feel to Phalli’s Field.

Yayoi Kusama, Obliteration Room, 2002. 

In Obliteration Room above, “upon entering, visitors will be invited to cover every surface of the furnished gallery with multicoloured polka dot stickers, gradually engulfing the entire space” (Auction Central News, 2016). She chooses the colour and the sizes of the dots, as well as the space and furniture, but she gives the control to the audience to allow them to ‘make their mark’ and involve themselves into the piece of work. As these circle stickers resemble dots, she uses this as her motif to continue to work with, she is known for it and has become a recognised artist for them. The dots are a reflection of Kusama’s vision as she suffered from hallucinations and “often in the form of nets or spots multiplying to dominate her field of vision” (Tate, 2015).

NOTE: I liked this idea of inviting the audience to join in, this wouldn’t work well due to COVID, however I had a idea in L5 where I wanted to display the female figures in a room and allow people to enter and pick them up, touch them and see if it would evoke feeling of discomfort as though ‘you shouldn’t be doing it’, not just being they are pieces of art, but because they are also the female form – a body that no one else has the right to touch with out the female’s say so.

“The interactive character of the room is typical of the way in which her practice engages the viewer directly, breaking down boundaries between subject and object.” (Fritsch 2015). – the audience become the artwork and there also becomes this confusion between object and viewer!!

Reflection 18/04/21: Currently I am exploring this technique of the audience also being the artwork by witnessing and gaining a reaction from being in the space/work.

Obliteration Room feels bright, welcoming and full of emotion. The emotion element to this installation was also a comment made by a peer in my group crit of Are You Watching?, it felt seductive, happy, exciting, inviting, feminine and welcoming to other women – among this element of a cinematic/stage like lay out it created interesting feedback where instead where I was trying to explore women being sexual objects in the kitchen, it was highlighted that they appeared to be celebrating being women. This element of emotion through colour and placement can change the whole aspect to your work, creating multiple meanings etc.

Reflection 02/03/21: I have been interested in repeating patterns, seems to be occurring in my work where I explore breasts and the female form, without this being acknowledged till now.

Reflection 18/04/21: Even in Sweet Tooth B&W works with double projections, has double impact. The feeling of visualising two breasts has double the effect of the gaze both at the work/from the eye like breasts.

These are just two examples of the Infinity Rooms by Kusama, she has 6 in total. Infinity Mirrored Room – The Souls of Millions of Light Years Away is another one she created works with light and space, it’s a beautiful surrounding pace like atmosphere, in 2013. See below. “The installation is a mirror-lined chamber populated with a dazzling and seemingly vast array of LED lights creating a disorienting sense of limitless space” (Auction Central News, 2016). It resembles kaleidoscope qualities that are pulled together to create an inhuman experience, outer space ideals with ‘Light Years Away’. As though you’re stuck in time or moving though space, it looks peaceful.

Yayoi Kusama, Infinity Mirror Room – A Million Light Years Away, 2013.

“Kusama has underlined the importance of the role the viewer plays in her rooms and how he or she continually experiences the work in a new way: ‘One is more aware than before that he himself [the viewer] is establishing relationships as he apprehends the object from various positions and under varying conditions of light and spatial context … For it is the viewer who changes the shape constantly by his change in position relative to the work’ (quoted in Applin 2012, p.37).” (Fritsch, 2015).

• I want to expand on this immersive installation path: colour, lights, projection & sculptures, to create an emotion/experience that can also be felt through an image.

Reflection 18/04/21: I am definitely creating emotion within my work, especially taking a black and white take with a pornographic twist on the Sweet Tooth B&W, it evokes a straight to the point, clear objectification. Which appears both quite grotesque and uncomfortable.

Following the group crit we received with the L5 as well on 19/02/21, they also critiqued our individual films and its context which helped massively as the main focus as been on the practicality of the making the film. See notes below.

One large piece from this feedback was how effective the pink lighting was – a mood of femininity. The lighting/projection gave the representation of women as a whole and the pink feeling of femininity. The imagery projected of many small breasts equated with the sculptures, see below, they felt mirrored in some distorted sense.

But, a peer said the projection of the breasts make the sculptures seem even more like small objects, the fact the breasts are individual created ideas of women reduced to one hard/cold object, questions is this the only worth they have? – This made me want to explore this path way more for my final project – direct objectification.

Reflection 06/04/21: This is where I have decided to go with Sweet Tooth B&W – eliminate the dancing around it with pretty colours, more direct/cold/it is what it is approach in black and white. It draws attention to the issues at play rather than the ‘pretty feminine’ display.

Another comment was that the breasts didn’t read as breasts to begin with, far away they resembled pieces of dough, small objects that made you squint to see what was coming – this was the aim for the film, I didn’t want to showcase too much in the beginning of the film – I’m glad it was seen the way I wanted it to be to create some suspense as to what they were.

• The fact they were apart from the body confused the image even more so – if I would’ve used my clay figures in the kitchen instead, they would’ve been too easy to read and wouldn’t have had the same effect as the clay breasts.

It was questioned ‘is this problematic? The context was taken out of them’ – I don’t think so, I think it added more once you get into the film/ environment, hopefully leaving an after thought in the viewers mind. It would have been problematic if the breasts were unreadable throughout the whole film. Continuing the analysis of the sculptures, one peer said they represented COVID – socially distanced which wasn’t the initial intention but I found this quite funny as it does appear this way. There becomes this playful ‘confrontational/playful with a dark side’ – I like this comment because Rachel Maclean in particular channels this way of addressing issues in Make Me Up, playing with this idea of ‘sickly sweet visuals’ to the point it gets too much/too close to home where you don’t want to watch anymore. There’s this attitude with Are You Watching? that visually addresses these issues e.g. ‘get back in the kitchen’ – Martha Rosler inspiration.

‘The colour scheme was seductive, fansinating and beautiful’, it gave a ‘party/concert/theatre vibe’. It’s great to see that this idea of audience/main stage like a cinema visual is being recognised by fresh eyes – Laura Mulvey and Metz when it comes to the cinematic display of women. Women viewing themselves, viewing themselves. Is it a negative or positive way? While writing my dissertation exploring this theory I have approached it to have a negative impact, yet viewing the work from the POV as a ‘party’ a peer said, it acts as a celebration of all kinds of women/femininity, almost like another world, the colours and the lay out – I love this! Would be worth exploring more in-depth.

Reflection 06/04/21: Interesting contrast to where I am at ow with black and white imagery/film. Almost cancels out this play of colour and seems a lot more serious/intense.

I posted Consuming on the Instagram post for the take over – within this crit, one peer said it changed the way the film was received, more as edibles/treats – seductive? They are also repulsive as they do represent flesh/grotesque that is visible in Cindy Sherman’s Grotesque series and Maisie Cousins’ Finger.

• !!! It has become a unique form of grotesque a point I want to revisit and explore.

Reflection 23/02/21: It also has Hal Foster’s ideals of abjection but in a new form. This is something I have discussed in my dissertation, that I have realised there is different forms of abjection, even though they’re not labelled. – Sherman has a form of abjection that Maclean does not – bodily fluids etc, but it has the same affect on the viewer e.g. ‘sickle sweet’ too uncomfortable to watch in Maclean’s Make Me Up. This questions if there’s a form of abjection within Are You Watching? that is different to Sherman’s and Maclean’s use of abjection. In my film, I create imagery of real breasts in a preparation space, ready to be eaten, not sweets, clay breasts painted real, which is gross when you think about it and makes you feel uncomfortable. Which is a similar reaction to Martha Rosler Hot Meat with the display of the naked female form on a consumption space.

Was a very useful group crit – infinity room illusions at home, the grotesqueries, abjection & placement of the sculpture. This exhibition has made me realise where my work is most effective – projection/photography and film, again! Suggested artists:

• Yayoi Kusama – Constellation installation pieces (I am very interested in this artist and her installation – I visited one of her Infinity Mirrors in Amsterdam). I can see the resemblance to the imagery of growth on the walls/never ending.
• Chila Kurmari
• Singh Burman
• Sarah Lucas

Jane finalised the look and lay out of the website, see below. Congruous is up 15 – 21 February and then will be archived available to be viewed for a while after. The website lay out makes our work feel very put together in the sense of group outcome, even though our topics are very different, the lay out of the website and the format of the film makes them all feel very similar. See the website below.

Reflection 19/02/21: The website has a gallery like feel to it, even though the work isn’t in an actual gallery, it carries the same professional approach.

The Art Station website Congruous

Reflection 18/02/21: The live website worked well, smoothly and clean. It was easy to navigate with a good relation to lay out of film first, followed by our individual descriptions and gifs of work. It was really exciting to see my work on a website among other artists artwork.

We sent Jane 10 still images of our work – she created moving gifs to have next to our names and bio as we couldn’t use a slide show of work – works a lot easier for the viewers to pause, sit and watch them roll through. See the stills below a screen recording of the gif that was also uploaded to Instagram.

Reflection 26/05/21: I was contacted by A-N to be part of their Degree Show Guide 2021, so I put forward a still from the selection above alongside 3 other images capturing the graduation of my work from them to now! Following the same themes of consumption, it was so exciting!!!

18/02/21: See the rough Instagram plan I had for the take over below – this didn’t fully go to plan due to the change of word count and being unable to post other Artists work directly onto the instagram but on the story (we were still unsure of the restrictions) – worked just as well as broke up the time between posts.

Instagram posts from my take over below, Jane uploaded them for us – they were received really well and had a good amount of interactions. 20/02/21: A comment on the whole reflection of this process is that it would’ve been good if we could have individually uploaded to The Art Stations Instagram ourselves, would’ve been able to have more of an engagement with the audience and viewers e.g. add polls to stories/possible questions.

Reflecting on our L6 meeting about the end of the exhibition, overall, the social media/technological aspect of the exhibition has been a lot harder to do compared to a normal exhibition in a gallery – there is more to do/acknowledge with a virtual exhibition at home. E.g. social media interactions, the physicality of editing the film, documenting the work in a way which is received as well as it could if it was in a gallery, making of the logo/poster. Besides all this it was really successful and very enjoyable. See notes below from our reflection meeting: 19/02/21

The communication/flow online through the team worked well, however it would’ve been easier if we could’ve been in a space together to help bounce ideas off each other about the film editing, situ and work itself. – I think we overcame these issues well/adapted to the online environment. There were many home obstacles which I would normally have to tackle if we were to have done this exhibition in an actual gallery. People in the space/home constantly due to COVID, was a challenge as there was never any quiet to film. Many films were taken where you could hear the cats meowing in the background, walking into chairs and the tripod – this was a stressful point to the documentation of the work but I managed to work around it! Time scale/management was also very tight, we didn’t have a lot of time to create and plan work for this exhibition but the less time we had the more it worked. Luckily I started to try placement in the space early on and realised I still needed an extra 40+ breasts to make the space more impactful – was good to keep it rolling/developing constantly.

!!!! This was a massively different experience to CUBED previously this year, it felt more intense and professional as it was with a website/gallery and a larger online presence! I have subconsciously continued this development of sculpture/projection from CUBED, further in my work – more bold/expressive way!

Group crit feedback on Congruous with L5 on 19/02/21 & reflection: see notes below.

The actual film editing side of this work was a new experience, it felt like a lot of pressure to work with everyone else’s work digitally as I was creating this final outcome, however, it was good for one person to work on the film to continue the visual flow of “being situated in the same home” – 19/02/21 group crit, to outside viewers. I think it successfully gave the viewers the feeling of them stepping into one home/witnessing 5 different works in that one situ. The home tour was a “clever construct” and gave this illusion of what everyone is going through with COVID using the space to our advantage!

• !!!!!! Re-reflection after group crit – my thoughts: This development from the beginning of the film – darkness to light at the end of the film once you enter, creates imagery of how the homes have become this safe space for us all.

Theres this growth from outside/darkness (suspense) to light (comfort) in the domestic home. Reflection 19/02/21 group crit: the filming made the viewers feels as though they were interacting with the space and the work, felt like the artists POV film that wouldn’t normally be accessed in a gallery. A new clever way to document and share the work. And also stirred thoughts how different film documentation is to still imagery documentation, they create completely different auras. The stills give an up close detailed view, where as the film gives an over view of it all.

I pieced together the film on the 05/02/21 for my group and our exhibition followed by a group crit on the film. We’re still in need of stills/final films from everyone, but it was good to see these images/pieces of film together to get a feel for the final cut. See film below. I followed the pattern of how edited my film so there’s a continual flow/relation to each of our films, even though our work is individually different. It works well with combining us together with the imagery of the house/room too.

The stills between the films work so well – it gives a much better scope of the work/environment/details that may be lost in a continual film. The order of work flows very well and this was a comment made by all peers – good relation to the movement around the house/jump between works.

Reflection 23/02/21: Stills was praised by peers in group crit 19/02/21, it broke up the film and helped make the film feel busy and compact.

We then had a group crit on Friday 05/02/21 about the first draft of the film I created – it was really useful to get everyones feedback as well as get an idea of how the film will play. See initial notes below. Everyone was really happy with the first cut of the film, there are a few tweaks of actual filming for people to do but overall we’re not far off!

We have to think about the transitions between each person, it may simply work as a black screen between each other and a cross fade added which will the introduce our names and title of work. We are yet to finalise the info for the film. We need an intro to the exhibition and our reasonings for our group exhibition, credits, copy right, blurb with the collar with The Art Station and the university once we have all this information. Reflection 12/02/21: These have now been included in the film.

Reflection 12/02/21: We have also now completed our poster, individual posters for the exhibition labels, bio and group bio. See final posters below. I will begin to post these on my Instagram for our opening next week. Elgin created a few different styles we can chose to use for Instagram and other social medias.

The bio was difficult as I wasn’t sure how much to add regarding my artwork and me as an artist. See my final edit of the bio and group text below for the website.

Reflection 12/02/21: I had a 1-1 with Jane on the 10/02/21 regarding the finalising edits for the film. It really helped to talk it through slowly and analyse it from an outside POV. See below, it has been very hard and intense but the editing is nearly there.

There were small tweaks to edit e.g. transitions, fades, information and titles etc which I have now finished. Still waiting on a few pieces to finally add in from my peers for the films of which I will have by today after our meeting, other than that we are nearly there with this film and ready for the the website and exhibition!

Reflection 13/02/21: I have now finished the film!! See final cut of film below, this is now ready for Monday mornings opening. I added the sound to create a background noise which include foot steps/hums of projectors for the film. It was very exciting and has turned out really well – I really enjoyed doing this editing of the film.