People talk of how what we wear speaks of who we are, or perhaps of how we wish to be perceived. Yet what if neither of these things is really true? I, for one, have never had any problems appreciating fashion, indeed I love beauty and detailing strive for elegance. But I’m fairly certain that often I don’t appear how I’d wish to; on a day-to-day basis at least I’m aware of often falling short of this goal even, or most especially perhaps, when it’s only I who sees myself.
Why is this? In my case it’s surely a combination of factors including: i) ease in terms of dressing myself quickly in the morning so as to get on with the day rather than with labouring that first act; ii) the fact that whenever I go shopping I find this or that part of an outfit, which I like, but rarely do I find what I’d set out knowing I needed. Therefore I end up with disparate things that may or may not gel cohesively. I tend not to find what I would have imagined or created for myself either. Therefore my wardrobe’s informed by other people’s visions and is ever an incoherent whole. It’s always been full of examples of this and that but often enough I struggle to make coherent outfits from its innards; iii) though I would not chose to wear designer clothes particularly, I can’t deny that expense is a factor as regards my actual wardrobe’s ability to fall short of my own ideal for it; iv) in my particular case I would deem this final reason the most significant of all however, that is, body image!
In fact it’s more usually not my clothes I have had an issue with so much as how I’m feeling inside the skin that I’m trying to make fit within them. I have always struggled to inhabit/wear my body comfortably, so how much more uncomfortable am I likely to be when it comes to adapting my wardrobe according to the fact that my body changes. I believe most people who know me would describe me as slim, indeed some might still describe me as too slim, and yet my body and/or my sense of it is a slippery entity. One that (from within at least) is seemingly ever changing; literally from day to day.
How can you dress such a thing? Surely it can only be dressed in any one particular moment of time and might, in the next moment, need to be changed. I think I understand why rich women in the past might have changed their outfit several times in a single day. One moment can make redundant and inappropriate the choice made in the one before. Is it because I’m female that I feel this way? Is it because I’m me? I don’t know and really it matters little. It is what it is and my reactions to the fact are what they are. Maybe some people believe it’s only our minds/psyche’s that exhibit ephemeral qualities. It’s perhaps more obvious that they’re unfixed and ever changing (moment by moment). But in my experience bodies also demonstrate that proclivity.
My work with paper and fashion is allowing me to capture moments, to portray my mind upon them, then to move on to the next and to fashion it/myself completely differently.
