My work, reasons behind it and what happens to it.

3 well deserved days off work (part normal days off plus one days leave) a new mattress and a dose of antibiotics and I’m feeling half human again.

I’ve enjoyed the fresh air, doing things in my own time and generally just catching up with ‘stuff’.  Times like this always lead me through the regular routine of ‘Can I afford to go back to part time work? ‘And every time, after making endless calculations, I realise ‘No I can’t’.

Working in the arts, my pay isn’t that great, but to even drop just one day a week, I would need to earn in the region of £3500 per annum from my own work. Can I do it? Errmmmm… simple answer is that I don’t have enough faith in myself to believe that I can.

It’s far, far easier to have a guaranteed income, no matter how low.

So, knowing that I can (and also because I’d been suffering from a bad back) I bought a mattress.  I can do things like this occasionally without breaking the bank, so I have to remember this when my thoughts turn yet again to the dream of making a living as an artist.

Just existing and actually enjoying life are two different things.

So art wise, I’ve been finishing off work that I’d started and getting ideas together for new projects. I’ve updated the group website http://sciartistprojects.wordpress.com/  and chased after people about their work, vowing yet again not to work with groups.

Of course, this only ever lasts a short while until I see the potential of new collaborations.

What else?

I saw some exhibitions….. its taking me absolutely ages to get round the Biennial as I’ve been so tired lately, but yesterdays jaunt got me up to the ‘Old Blind School’ to see what had been labelled ‘the best of the Biennial’.   Hmmmmm… I thought it was crap. Very poor…awful…and relieved to find that so many others thought the same.

I finish work earlier tomorrow, so I’ll head up to see the John Moores. It might give me some faith in art again.

Finally, Oh yes, I marked an email I get from an artist about exhibitions as ‘SPAM’. If I was interested, I would have signed up to be on a mailing list.  I’m not interested, and gloating about being in some trivial little exhibition is a little sad and it puts other artists under pressure thinking that we haven’t been working hard enough.

I just want to do things in my own time…..oh here we go….where’s that calculator again?

Today is my Friday. Last day of five in, five days of breathing air conditioned dry air, making my nose even stuffier. Tomorrow I will be able to breathe again.

As I was feeling so sorry for myself in my last post, I forgot to mention that I was invited to exhibit in Searching: Unexpected Treasures at Bridewell Studios Gallery in Liverpool, which will run 12th – 21st September and I really wanted to make something new for it.

Fortunately, with my state of mind at the moment, I already had the beginnings of an idea in my head, so I was able to get on with it, without that usual panic of OMG what am I going to do?

The pile of stuff that ‘may come in useful’ one day was in fact able to be used as I thought about my daily life…the pair of old wellies that leaked too badly to be worn but I couldn’t throw them out… the box of keys that I had no idea what they belonged to…the images I liked in magazines, crumbled by momigami… tea bags – stacks of them bound for the garden, but not quite making it, drying on my window ledge to be stitched together….

I made a book.

I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been invited to exhibit  (that is, not something I’ve applied for myself)  Is there something about my work that puts people off?   Do people think I’m too busy or wouldn’t be interested?  …. Or do they simply just not like it?

Axisweb seem to like it anyway.  I’ve been featured twice since I subscribed :   http://www.axisweb.org/discover/   ( paper artists)  and

http://www.axisweb.org/features/spotlight/five2watch-liverpool/

(though this hasn’t made anyone go – Ooooo – must have this person in my exhibition !!)   :-(

I’ve just been scrolling through my emails, only to find several potential opportunities I had flagged to follow up, but had still forgotten to do. Deadlines have passed.   I’ve applied for nothing at all.

I’ve been a mess this last month. I’m still sick.

How can I have cold and flu symptoms for almost a full month? I must be so unbelievably run down.

But anyway… Just to touch base…our group exhibition (Soup Collective’s ‘This is not my beautiful house’) is still on at Tate Liverpool. Image of my work here..and more on my website :  http://wendycwilliamsdotorg.com/

That’s it – energy depleted :-(