My work, reasons behind it and what happens to it.

I’ve started to think about all sorts of possibilities that could open up with having a studio.  Instead of it just being a space that could lie empty 5 days a week while I’m working, there are options to use it for exchange, collaboration, display…

My mind was racing last night as I explored the things that can be done, rather than those that can’t.

My group SCI, now actually has an address for a start.  This only occurred to me as I was printing off a pile of potential opportunities I could chase up. Hmmm… this opens up a whole new ball game.

I’m not moving in till the end of the month as I need to get two exhibitions out of the way first and free up some time.  We are touring a mini version of our NY exhibition to Arena Gallery for their Biennial exhibition :    http://arenastudiosandgallery.com/2014/07/01/whats-next-for-arenas-biennial-programme/  followed by my other group ‘Soup Collective’s ‘ (SC) exhibition at Tate Liverpool.  I’m trying to get through both without taking leave, so its going to be a trying few weeks.

They do say that everything leads to other things though, so  I am feeling a lot more positive now :-)

I’ve been trying to work out when things all began to change,  Did it happen gradually – so slowly that I hardly noticed it happening, or was it just a ‘Ping – that’s it, I’ve had enough’ moment?

I’m talking about the change from being a bright eyed graduate many years ago– applying for everything, full of excitement and optimism for the future – to this, me now, cautious,  jaded, cynical.  Trouble is, once you get to that stage, it’s so hard to break the cycle.

But I’ve started… painfully slowly….. putting myself back into that mindset.

I’ve done so much since I last wrote in this blog, but it’s been like carrying a heavy weight – making changes, but full of self doubt.

What came first? Oh yes- the open studio tour.  That was a huge leap for me but it seems ages ago now… it was a hot and sunny weekend, and we’d set up camp in a brand new restaurant/ event venue. Our rooms had a balcony leading down to a patio and it was like being on holiday.  The weekend brought 80 visitors, more curious about the building than us I suspect, but it was nice to talk to them.   I don’t know if all open studios are the same, but our visitors were mostly craft type people. No gallery owners or anyone else that would offer ‘opportunities’. By the second day, I’d removed all prices from my work and this seemed to encourage more conversation.  It was good, but I don’t think I would do it again.

Four days later, I began my first workshop session at the Williamson Art Gallery. These things had been been on my wish list for such a long time, but I was always creating obstacles for not doing them. Setting them up was relatively easy.    I got nine attendees and it went really well, but the following two weeks meant that I had to swap my days in work to free up the evening.

It was good to talk to a different set of people and exchange ideas. I loved that they brought in ‘homework’ before each class – showing everyone what they had learnt and how they had adapted their ideas.

I also loved that I had a day free (apart from the prep time) so that I could do things I would normally do on a day off, but still get paid. It would be great If I could do that every week, but I think that’s unlikely to happen (uh oh – a little bit of my cynicism creeping in there)

Mid way through the month, I’d installed my paper boots at the Barnaby Festival in Macclesfield. I think it went well, I liked that I got mentioned in the papers and axis web ran an article on the festival, again mentioning me.  This persuaded me to apply to axis ( on my ‘ to do’ list for the last two years or so!)  I was accepted, but I hope that it will still a good move with them losing their ACE funding.

The last thing on the list was bagging myself a studio. I’d been reluctant about this for such a long time, because I couldn’t see how I could find the time to be there. Would it turn out to be a waste of money?  Why do I even think this way now? I wish I could stand on that precipice and jump and not be looking out for scraps of twigs to reach out for ‘just in case ‘.  I never used to be like this.

But hey – this is the year of change and at least I can say I’ve tried.

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That felt like the longest work week ever! But finally I have a day off ( sort of) I’ll be heading over to Macclesfield in a couple of hours with the paper boots crammed into boxes to install for the Barnaby Festival : http://www.barnabyfestival.org.uk/events/factory

That not only ticks another item off the ‘to do’ list, but creates a little more space in the house :-)

Tomorrow……the Open Studio install, ready for the weekend…. sigh. It’ll all be worth it. ( I hope!)

I’m trying not to think of how much I need to do over the next week and a half. If I take it all in, I’ll just panic and not get anything done at all.

I do have enough people signed up for my workshop though which is good, as I can now shove that to one side and not think about it again until after the weekend. I did get an email off someone saying that they couldn’t do an evening session, so would I consider a day workshop if they found a venue. Initially I thought that would be great as it would be leading along the path I wanted to go, but I didn’t get a response back when I said I would charge £65 for the two hours. Did they think that was too expensive? I’m not lowering the cost though – sorry! It just wouldn’t be worth it for me, especially as that includes my prep time AND materials!

My house is getting increasingly chaotic as I continue to pick up things that might be useful, shoving them away in boxes ( or more likely just dumping them on the floor !) for the three workshops

My evenings have been filled with making small books for the weekend…. but the next stage this week is setting up at the Barnaby festival on Thursday. I ended up making just 70 pairs of paper work boots as I thought more and more about not being paid. I did them more at my leisure, rather than working maniacally round the clock this time.

I have mixed feelings about it . I felt excited when packing them up as I felt a huge sense of achievement. My installations do draw poeple in, so I feel good about that. I generally get good photos of them too, so I can use them as publicity for my own work, but it’s a big no no over making a living. Best I can get from it is that it drives people to my website. I must keep thinking of the positives here and not get caught up in the negatives.

Friday is the day of setting up the open studio tour…..but really, its best not to even think about that now ( OR the two group exhibitions coming up over summer!)

Today is my 4^th workday in and I must keeping trying to do my best there and not see it as the damn nuisance it is for taking up my valuable time :-(

“Before people can begin something new, they have to end what used to be and unlearn the old way.” — William Bridges Not exactly a deep philosopher, but its completely true.

I’ve spent the last few weeks unlearning everything I’ve been ‘training’ myself to focus on… …then re-educating myself in other areas.

Unlearning is incredibly hard.

At times I feel really torn – I’ve put myself under a lot of pressure to make changes and at times I’ve thought ‘is this really worth all of the effort?’ Working for someone else – being employed that is, is ‘safer’ – You know exactly what you will earn every month and it’s almost completely effortless.

Making a living as an artist is not.

I will hastily add here that I am not giving up my day job, until I can replace each day’s pay with a guaranteed income. I am still in preparation.

It’s just over a week to the studio tour and preparing for it incredibly stressful. I find myself wanting to just go my old ways, showing one of my installations and leaving it at that, but I know now that I must show a complete range of work.

I still haven’t decided on the framed works yet as I change my mind all of the time, but I will have something. It feels so much work for what could be very little return – especially as I’m annoyed at myself for spending so much on materials.

But it’s a change I will try.

The struggle of what to show is clouded by the need to make saleable items – adding cards and would you believe it, necklaces.

It’s an area that’s crossed my mind but I didn’t feel a need to explore it further before. Its too ‘craft orientated’ and didn’t fit with my other work. I’ve enjoyed making them though – rolling paper and threading but the sudden urge to show them seriously came about in quite a bizarre way…

I decided to set up some evening classes. Playing it by ear, I‘ve booked just 3 evenings at the local art gallery and I will be teaching handmade books. When I went there to meet with them to discuss my proposal and show my books, I happened to be wearing a paper necklace I’d made. ‘We can sell them, along with your books, in the shop’. It never even occurred to me to sell either. My head isn’t and never was, geared for selling things.

So I went home, thought about it (a long time as I was too stunned to just go away and start a completely new career) and eventually began making. Though still at the back of my head, I am realistic. I had looked in the shop and saw the prices of the handmade goods. There were broaches for £7. The gallery takes 40% of that, so someone is working for incredibly low pay.

It’s a sideline I can consider doing while I’m watching TV at night, but I couldn’t give up a day for it.

Not being paid by the gallery for my workshops means that I have to tout for business. I had the stupid idea of charging a fiver for classes, as I thought that the lower it was, the more likely I would get attendees. The gallery set it at higher though – £12.50, or £10 a session if people book 3. To cover my costs, I need at least 9 people to attend. I think friends are under the impression that we can just sit round making one night over a glass of wine. Not now. Now it’s a business.

These changes have been tiring and I desperately need some time off, but I know that the wheels have been set in motion and I will see what direction they take me….