Nadja

The Culture of Shame/It’s time to stop making excuses for being human, Part 2:

I recently bought a Trinny and Susannah book to see if they actually do help people find clothes that work for them. The idea is really powerful (see rule 5), and no doubt contributes to their success. In telling people what clothing they should buy, they attempt to introduce cold, hard reality into self-perception. This translates into using peer pressure, insults, and categorisation to force people to feel ashamed by the status quo. For Trinny and Susannah, shame is a motivational tool. They scold you for not taking the time to iron your shirts or buff your shoes, and tell you that it isn’t just you, but a whole group of frumpy, old, boring women who do the same thing. You don’t want to be a part of them, do you? You want to feel good, don’t you? So- put in all the effort we tell you and you’ll feel great. What they completely ignore in their message is self-acceptance. They also make no allowances for individuality.

Whatever happened to the notion of self-acceptance? I don’t mean learning to live with yourself. I mean truly accepting who you are, with flaws intact. That you are not perfect, you can’t do everything at once and fulfil everyone else’s expectations. That you do what you can in your life, and being human is normal. By self-acceptance, I mean feeling proud of what you’ve accomplished instead of always bemoaning your failures.

So I am sending out a call to all shoppers everywhere- do not participate in the culture of shame! If you go shopping with your mum or your best friend, tell them you will only accompany them if they promise to not tear themselves down, and that you won’t participate in the role of the companion. It is tiring and pointless to spend time trying to convince someone that they look good. You are only responsible for your own self-perception, not someone else’s too.

It’s time to stop making excuses for being human.

-The end-

My artwork often responds to my experiences as a salesperson and as an eating disorders support worker. However this is based on very specific, individualised experience. What do the women out there reading this think of the article? Am I making too many generalizations? Should I stick to self-portraiture like the Fitting Room series (see attached images)? Does this article ring true for you?

See more from the fitting room series on my website at www.dianearcher.co.uk

Thanks for reading.

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I recently wrote the following for a women’s e-zine, check it out:

The Culture of Shame/It’s time to stop making excuses for being human

As an artist and a keen observer of human behaviour, I have something I would like to share with the world about the culture of women’s clothes shopping.

I have worked for years as a sales assistant- you know, one of those on commission types that hangs around outside the changing room asking how you like it and offering an unsolicited opinion. More recently, I have also been working at an eating disorder charity. Sometimes I have a hard time reconciling myself to all the conflicting roles in my day-to-day life and so I feel a great need to share my observations.

Changing rooms are a focal point of self-perception for most women.

There are a whole set of unwritten rules that women generally follow when trying on clothes. These are cultural expectations, passed down through the generations until the patterns are firmly established. Roles are set, and are interchangeable amongst individuals. One person tries things on (the try-ee), and the other (the companion) hovers and comments. Even though I am now keenly aware of these behavioural patterns, I find it very difficult to stop following these same conventions when I shop myself.

Here is my list of observed rules thus far:

1. The one shouldn’t shop alone rule. Shopping is something to do with mothers and daughters, sisters and husbands, or best friends. It is a “fun” activity to do together.

2. The one shouldn’t appear vain when trying clothes on rule. In fact, drawing attention to all your flaws is essential in appearing humble to those with you. Example: “Look at my fat arms, this sleeveless jumper isn’t a good idea” or “I can’t wear dresses, I’ll look like a man in drag.”

3. The pretend not to like anything too much rule. Being uncertain is the watchword of all good shoppers. If you don’t commit, you’ll never look stupid, right?

4. The tell everyone else what they think of you rule. One needs to pre-empt the worst news by attempting to guess what one’s shopping companion thinks of you. Example: “Don’t you think I look like a great white rhino in these trousers?”

5. The “You’ll know it when you see it” rule. Somewhere out there, there is a garment that has the power to transform me into a beautiful person and hide all my flaws. It exists. I know it does. I just have no idea what it would look like.

The entire structure of shopping is set up in such a way that the try-ee is prevented from deciding things for themselves. There are always other people ready to jump in with their opinions, including myself as a sales assistant. Even if you don’t ask, it is given as a part of the routine experience.

Sometimes a shopper takes the plunge and decides to buy something on their own, without any companion present. Unfortunately, more often than not they get home and their husband/sister/daughter hates it, and it comes back to me the next day as a return. Every time they see themselves in the mirror wearing it from that point forward, all they can see is someone else’s negative perception.

You have to have a pretty strong sense of self-worth to come out of a shopping trip unscathed.

For the rest of the article please check the next post!