It is with a heavy heart and a sore head that I approach the last day that our degree show is running.
Paying adequately for the night before, the final celebration, I sit here in the air conned computer room and reflect on the last three years.
It is bizzarre how a time period can seem so long but also so short. Annoyingly, I find myself only very recently getting truely excited about Art. I once again feel like I did at school when I would spend days at a time working on something, not because I had too, but because I wanted too.
The last three years have seen high points, and some low point. The constant battle against my own neurosises and ego, the realisations and challenges. I joked with my tutor the other day that 'when' I recieve that third (gulp) I will be breaking the noose out. He replied snappily that this was obsurd, and that if people enjoy my work it means more than any fucking instutional thumbs up in the forms of grading.
This is true, the comments and phrase mean more to me than any grade. And having just finished reading my first review on this site, I am continueing to allow a feeling of elation to overcome me, or maybe thats the dehydration talking. But yeah, I am going to sign on soon, and take that shoddy first step into reality. But for the moment, I'm just going to nurse this sore mind that feels like its been covered in soggy bread.
It seems every Art peer I have is now on AN, trying in their own way to be profound and fresh. Maybe to feel that validation as an Artist and as a human being when they are quoted in the latest issue. I wonder how that feels…
I fear my ego might get too large. As someone whos practice relies on negativity; it might destroy the last thread of creativity I have left!
We are running into the final week of our public degree show, and as I pace the floors invidulating my allocated area I can't help but crack a smile upon hearing the same people who enter my piece, anxiously breaking away from their friends, emerge 5 minutes later only to splutter…. 'Wow'.
I don't think the feeling of happiness will last forever, I'm alittle too real for that. I carry an umbrella, not sunglasses. But for the mean time its nice to see a flicker of sunlight through the pouring rain. Hurrah!
Being moments away from crashing due to servere exhaustion brought on by the degree show up's and down, I thought i was take a second to relay some thoughts I have been having of late.
Degree show private and business view done and dusted, already becoming distant memory I am allowing myself some mental breathing space, wallowing in a small glimpse of pride and accomplishment.
My work, challenging to create and manage, required constant invidulation to control the flow of people in and out. This meant that myself or one of my very helpful first year chums were never out of ear shot from people leaving the ominus room I had created. Possitivity just courses through convosation to my absolute suprise. Sometimes I forget that I am (was) at university, on an Arts Course that I can do, I have made achievements and tackled goals. It is validation of the last three years which have become such a big part of who I am. It is just fantastic to know that what you do has worth. Of course I did hear one girl remark 'I don't like this' upon leaving but you cannot win them all!
Dispite crippling problems with our catalogue not being made in time, the show went down so smoothly, pleasantly ending a truely amazing three years. I can only hope the future holds such good fortune, pride and success. I strongly advise viewing the Nottingham Trent Degree show 2009, the best we have ever had.
