Sometimes I just need to sit.
Sometimes I just need to leave alone.
Sometimes I just need to wait.
Increasingly I associate this blog with the artist and my own personal blog with the teacher. As the boundaries between the two have become progressively more defined and obvious to me, new questions and dilemmas have presented themselves to my thinking and engagement with this project, and it has taken leaving things alone to resolve and move forwards once again.
Elena is on my case to write something……. PR towards the show……. My thoughts, my silence needs addressing……
I haven’t reread previous posts. I’m writing this as I think it to fulfil Elena’s request as I recognise that she is right.
I hit a wall. My thoughts changed daily. I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue. I haven’t wanted to blog…. To share my anxiety….. To burden you who read this with my self doubts that seem to be more prevalent since the Masters ceased……
OFSTED…….. Family…….. Exams……. Work………
Tired….. Pressure…..
Can teaching and making Art coexist?
So I rested and played on my iPads…… No thought, just experimenting with formulas. No intentions. No planning. No meaning…..
Waiting……
The conversation between the two of us, (Elena and myself) continued. I know I worried her….. Sorry…. I considered quitting not just the show, but the making of Art altogether. Over analysis, evaluation and giving meaning to, no longer seemed like a reasonable pursuit of my time. Did the great masters explain their work in depth to justify its existence? This was no longer fitting to my role as educator or artist. Perplexed….. What could I do?
Leave alone…..
Yet through the conversation; through the experimentation; through the leaving alone of the rationale, the work started making itself again and the results seem to fit back neatly into the theme we are pursuing in this collaboration.
Stimulated, I returned to where I left off…… not just here but from my Masters work to. The progression of me, my thinking and the work I want to produce, rather than feel I need to produce, brought me back to my partners illness and the virus…..
Virus….. Pixel….. Stitch…..
Multiplication causes what in each context?….. The sum of the whole?….. The bigger picture?…..
Now, working with viruses my attitude is changing. They are my pixels – but by mutating them to I am finding new beauty and understanding in them….. to a degree, a cure that aids me in my daily approach to the frustration of my partners disability….. I’m bugging the antigen….. The artist is returning and I am pleased with the results.
