i have been doing a lot of thinking since coming home, mainly about residencies. so i thought i would try and formulate some sort of collection of thinking about it all & then thought this would be the best place for that.
for me being away from home on a residency is a big deal for several reasons. the main one is that i have kids, saying that it has got easier as i now have a partner who is brave enough to have a go at wearing my hat, plus, the youngest is nearly 15, the middle one is 18 and the biggest is at uni. the other thing is i have never been away from home for a month, (home being the house and its south london surburban surroundings, always lived in the same town, in my day few went to uni or even college, i left school at 16 and got a job) let alone the children. i have been on a couple of residencies/art related journeys but they were all less than 2weeks.
i was really worried that i would get unbearably homesick so i think i tried to help matters by blocking the melancholy out and replacing it with action & fags. i didnt stay still for long and smoked alot.
my making and thoughts about making were more focused, there were few distractions, living outside the town meant we did not party hard, card playing with voka was the evening persuit. we were met with a full itinery of important things to see, which meant that we gained a full understanding of the history and the city. the frustrating thing wasrelying on others to do the talking bit. once i had found a man with a boat who knew another man with a boat that he was willing to loan me, i was off. so from that point of view the logistics of making were the same as at home. it felt as though i was living there tho, the routine was strong.
i think the difference is the bit when you return. i left gdansk the day after the pv, so it was a quick change of location and pace. i suppose that happens after most openings, after that rush to install but then the change of place made it more acute. for me, returning was a toughie. evryone at home had coped (there were a few fallouts but they would have happened anyways, its normal teenage stuff), i had coped too. there was no way i could convey all that had happened and how i i had felt, the same goes for them. so it feels like there is this shared void. it also feels so remote, the month of may, like it was not real, tho it was, so is june real? i feel very divided. there is part of me that wants to flee, not that i will til the youngest has left school, but i have an urge. there is also the oddness that occurs when friends or acquaintances ask about how my trip went. explaining how i converted a row boat into a ship with cardboard, string & gaffa, was towed for an hour around gdansk shipyard island, playing solidarity songs whilst being filmed. how i took a fishing bouy on a 850km trip to its home using public transport, and then did a ‘turn’ singing – it feels a bit odd. its not what people do in bromley. however i have noticed that a lot of people in bromley do complain very loudly about their jobs & bosses, they seem to be following me around and doing this – at the train station whilst on the mobile, yelling from their houses with open doors whilst i am walking past and even my partner, who now has his own hat on, has been very vocal this week. so i am taking it as a sign to not overthink the oddness, not to run away from the place, but perhaps just to stick to residencies of less than a month. for now at least.
