It’s been two weeks since I worked in Enköping – I have three working days remaining (in the last week of July) before my sabbatical starts. This time away is time-in-lieu for working full-time most of June. Even after the first few days I noticed a huge change in how I feel – everything seemed so much more appealing and far less harduos. I have been at the studio a lot … doing what I think of as settling in … preparing myself for being here full-time after the summer. It’s pretty quiet here – usually just three of four of us around. It’s so nice having time to eat lunch together on the balcony, last week we went for an ’after work’ (veggie) burger and drink at a pop-up summer cafe a short cycle ride away.
Yesterday evening I watched a short YouTube video about the ’signs of burnout’. I immediately recognised my employed self – especially in the emotional exhaustion – the sense that one is very very close to simply not being able to cope or deal with things. I am smart enough to know that self-diagnosis based on one YouTube film is hardly a medical assessment that one can rely one … however it certainly gave me pause … cause … to think. Have/had things gotten so bad at Enköping that I was a hair’s breadth away from burnout … emotional collapse? I think that they have/had. I don’t need to go in to detail here, but I do want to acknowledge to myself that my sabbatical is more than a period in which to focus on my own practice – it is a necessary stage in extraditing myself from an unhealthy situation.
I am slowly slowly and very pleasantly gathering my materials and thoughts in preparation for the two upcoming train station installations. On the way home last night I picked up the parcel of ’flag holders’ that I had ordered. I have to say that they look far better than I had expected. I am always sceptical when ordering something on the internet – especially something from an unknown supplier. Today I am going to the hardware/diy store to get dowelling and paint to make the flag poles. I’m looking forward to getting on with that task … it’s so nice to know that I can spend a couple of days making a good job of it.
The list of things to do … to catch up with … is ever increasing, however it doesn’t seem so daunting as it did when I was working for the council. Then it seemed positively threatening … which in both physical and mental ways it was. Now things such as updating my website, updating my mailinglist, meeting with the new administrator and project leader at the artists’ club, re-writing parts of the club’s operating manual(?), registering my works bought by local authorities and national arts organisations (for which I will receive a small annual ’rights’ payment), and sorting out the materials and tools that I bought here when I left the studio in Enköping in February, seem like natural parts of my working week – things to to be interwoven with the making and playing that takes place at the studio – rather than things that take time from, or even completely prevent, the making and the playing.
Having time to exercise (in the last two weeks) is also having a positive impact on my wellbeing. I am someone who really needs quite demanding physical exercise to feel good. I am very pleased to have time and space for that in my week now … getting fit for my sabbatical!
