Project Me

Suddenly one day last week a (’the’?) perfect title for the piece(s) that I am working on came to me – Rest.

I was not thinking about a title at the time, I was just quietly getting on with neatening collars for that part of the work.  At the moment I am considering that the work is one piece with two parts: one part collars, and one part cuffs – two companion pieces that together are a whole.

The cuff part is complete, all the cuffs have been neatened and buttoned together.  They are in the order that I unpacked them – only occasionally in pairs … I have not checked to see if they all have a partner.  French (double) cuffs and cuffs with press-studs rather than buttons are in a separate stack as they cannot be included in the length of buttoned cuffs.  I sat for while looking at the piece … I like it … I do not understand it.  it is a once playful and melancholic, it hints at bunting at the same as being rather sad.  The range of tones is quite extensive however seen en-masse they seem subdued.  Perhaps it is the piece’s stillness that lends it a somewhat mournful attitude.

Rest captures something of this quietness.  It suggests pause after action.  It also refers to something that remains – ”what about the rest of it?”.  Rest in Swedish means remains or scraps: matrest – food scraps, tygrest – fabric scraps.  That the word works in both languages makes it even more apt.

There are significantly more collars than there are cuffs.  I wonder why … perhaps some cuffs got lost in passing the material from one person to another (I do not remember ever asking Elena who she got them from), perhaps some cuffs got used along with the bodies of the shirts in the patchworks.  The pointed tips of each collar give that piece quite a different feeling – almost more mechanical, as though it were some kind of drive-chain – the angular tips having engaged with cogs or wheels and driving them on as part of a larger machine.

Buttons or collar stiffeners sometimes reveal the make of the shirt, most though are unbranded.  Nor is the fabric known, most feel to be cotton or a cotton blend.  Some immediately seem out of fashion, the proportions or design details suggesting a garment from the early 00s, the 90s or even the 80s.  Others are timeless – simple checks in beige, brown, and green that might equally be from the 50s as from last year.

As I have mentioned before I am very aware that the form the pieces have taken is informed(?) by the studio in which they were made.  I did not consciously decide not to unpack all the material when the parcels arrived at my studio in Enköping well before I had even thought of asking about studios at Hospitalet.  Could I have subconsciously known that the material needed another kind of space in which to shine?  I have plenty of other unused materials in Enköping but for some reason something made me take those packets of collars and cuffs to the new studio.  I do not need to know why or how.  Some things do not need to be, and cannot be, analysed they just are as they are.

I do not know why the work came to be, nor why its name came to be, but it has and it did, and for that I am very happy!

What a difference a week, or two, makes! As if I needed reassurance that I enjoy hands-on doing the four day ’art camp’ (non-residential!) and five days of distributing ’art-bags’ demonstrated to me just how detrimental six months of computer-based working from has been for me.

In addition I also realised just how much my paid employment affects my own practice. Or perhaps more accurately how much how I feel about my paid employment affects my own practice. Without being conscious of it six months of working in a way that does not suit me has had a significant impact on what has happened, or rather what has not happened, in the studio. It should not have come as a surprise that my mood at work seeped in to my abilities to be creative and playful but it has. It feels very good to have had this realisation. It is something that I am determined to bear in mind after the summer break. I have already begun planning Creative Saturday 2.0, and activities for both the half-term and Christmas holidays. After my holiday I will return to working at the office – I have missed my colleagues and the inspiration that I get when talking something through with them, it is just not the same in a video meeting.

I found myself longing to be a participant in the art camp workshops, and on the receiving end of an art-bag. The studio – my two studios! – provide more than sufficient opportunities and materials to replicate both situations. With that in mind I feel myself much invigorated!

Quite separately (or perhaps not) I have been thinking about compromise. What I previous considered to be a sign of failure might actually be a route to accomplishment and success. It is something that I want to understand better and learn to embrace … use … enjoy!

compromise 1 n. settlement of dispute by mutual concession; intermediate way between conflicting courses, opinions, etc. 2 v. settle (dispute) or modify (principles) by compromise; bring (person or oneself) under suspicion or into danger by indiscreet action; make a compromise. [F f. L (promise)]
The Pocket Oxford Dictionary, seventh edition, 1984

concession n 1 the act or an instance of conceding. 2 a reduced price or fare for people in certain categories. 3 a grant of land, property, or a right made in return for services or for a particular use. 4a a small shop or business that is allowed to operate on the premises of a larger business. B the right to operate such a concession.

concessionaire n the owner or beneficiary of a concession
The Penguin English Dictionary. 2002

On first reading dictionary definitions seem to bear out my negative reaction to the term. Second and more considered readings make me wonder if I have simply had the wrong intonation. Focus on the settlement, the mutual, and the intermediate way rather than on the dispute and the conflicting course, opinions, etc.

Interestingly the Swedish dictionary defines ’kompromiss’ as 1 mutual agreement, a levelling out, a middle way, a place halfway between two things or places; 2 arbitration, award. In verb form 1 to take a middle way between different suggestions, 2 to be met halfway.

I appreciate this considerably more positive view of compromise – no mention of disputes, or conflicts, or suspicions, or putting things in danger, or indiscreet actions. I am not unaware of the potential for compromise to flatten things out to such a degree that they become banal but acceptable. I hope for compromises that retain sufficient integrity on all sides to keep them vital and vibrant.

What does this have to do with art … with my art … my practice?
Well I am realising that it might be smart to think about how to meet people halfway, and by people I mean galleries, museums, funding bodies, and the like. For all my interest in accessibility, inclusivity, and social engagement I can be very bad at making compromises that might enable me to move closer to my goals – ’my way or the high way’ is pretty meaningless when you have no authority. It is also a somewhat aggressive and egotistic stance.

If I want to make a living from my practice, and I do, then I still need to take in to account other peoples needs. I will very likely have to make compromises, and it has to be better to see this a positive and mutually beneficial process. Ultimately compromise is about not being so selfish, it is about building healthy relationships, respecting other points of view, learning to adapt … it is about belonging in, and to, a society.

I think that making good and appropriate compromises is a skill. And one that I want to learn!

Tomorrow is the first day of the four day children’s summer school and I am both excited and nervous. It has been a year since I last ran a workshop and I am feeling out of practice. I am pretty sure that everything will be fine but I am nervous – which is perhaps no bad thing, it will keep me on my toes.

The summer school is part of my work for the local council, and is a new way of working. I have wanted to do something like this since I started back in 2017, and it is the situation with Covid-19 that has enabled me to try it this year. Normally I have to run drop-in activities suitable for all ages and all abilities. This year we are required to limit the number of participants and they have to book a place for all four days. It will be really interesting to see how both the children and I get to know each other over our time together.

Hopefully working practically will shift my mood about my job. I continue to struggle with it and how far it is from what I would prefer to be doing – being in my own studio. Actually it is not just that. I want to be working with other artists. I was reminded of this on Thursday when I had five meetings with different artists about different projects. The day was really good fun, I felt inspired, enthused, and encouraged. Yes there is lots do to realise even the first stages of much that was discussed but everything felt so positive. I find it very frustrating that I am unable to bring my passion to my paid work. And I think that is perhaps more acute because I work with art. When I have worked in other industries (to support myself) I have not expected to be passionate about what I do – though I have often ended up being so, I became a bit of an espresso nerd when working in both a local cafe and a bakery! I think the problem is that the local council is not driven by passion.

With all those meetings I did not have time to do more than open the box of reject and faulty ties that Sarah kindly left outside of my studio. Sarah is a professional photographer who also recently moved to the studios. One of her commercial clients is Sweden largest tie manufacturer/importer. Sarah (via email) introduced me to the company director who was more than happy to give me a box of ties that for one reason or another do not meet their exacting standards. It will be good fun to play with these new ties. I do not know what I want to do with them yet but I know that I do something different with them – no heraldic references, no roses …

I think that my starting point for the ties will be the materials themselves … give myself time to play them on their own and in combination with other materials …

Pavel came passed the studio last week – my first visitor! We had a really good chat about various things that concern us both: our artistic identities, how to develop our careers, our commitment and/or interest in being in an artists’ group. I had not expected to get feedback on the chains of cuff and collars that were hanging on the wall, however Pavel really liked them and saw them not only as finished pieces but being very attractive as public art pieces. His interest and appreciation of them is timely as there is about to be another chance to submit work for public collections. This time six counties in ’middle Sweden’ are buying work from each other’s artists. I had not thought about including either of these pieces but now I think that it might be a good idea. If nothing else it will make me get the work to a point where I can photograph it! I really do want to spend more time at the studio and I am looking forward to doing so during my time off from my job.

I saved 20 kronor (about two pounds) and an inevitable sense of disappointment by not dashing out to buy a copy of Uppsala Times last Saturday. The article about the group show appeared only in the online version of the paper. As I do not subscribe I have not seen the article however I will ask one of the show’s curators for their press-release which they said was basically reproduced as the article!

The show has lead me to reflect on my understanding of curating. Over the past week various thoughts have risen to the surface … I am aware that some other as yet unformed things remain in the depths – where they may well stay, or they may acquire the shape and energy to make their way towards the light. Speaking with a couple of artist friends helped.

One of the things that interests me about working with curators is the intellectual framework(s) that they bring – particularly to group shows. Through their selection of both artists and artworks they are able to enrich what might otherwise be a rather flat experience. The best curators draw out what is always already there and make it really sing. The skill set for doing this is vast, and is something that is acquired through concerted effort.

My expectations of a curator are considerably different to those of an organiser. And this is where I am struggling with the Adelante show. The show has certainly been organised but I find it difficult to say that the show has been curated. On the show poster is says ’curated by …’ and this unsettles me. I think that it does everyone, not least the artists claiming to have done the curating, a disservice. ’Organised by … ’ or possibly ’produced by …’ would sit a lot more comfortably with me. I have nothing against being in a well organised show.

What I find difficult and uncomfortable is being involved in things (artistic or other wise) that are one thing while claiming to be another. There is nothing that I can do to change the current situation, my question to myself is about what I do in the future. Maybe I do not need to actually do anything until the future arrives. Maybe it is enough to be aware of how I feel and learn from it. Learn to be more critical and more questioning from the outset. Learn to trust my judgements. Maybe it is better to commit to that than to try to make decisions about as yet unknown situations.

There was mention of a group meeting over the summer. It will be interesting to see what is on the agenda. I need to have the courage of my convictions and raise the question of working with external curators. It will be interesting to have a proper discussion about that, and it will allow me to tackle some of my frustrations with the current show in an indirect way – which is more appropriate than making direct criticism.

I do not think  that I necessarily have to know what something is to apprecaite it … but maybe I need to recognise what something is to appreciate it …

The untitled Adelante groups show (very discretely) opens today. No fanfare, no vernissage but an article in the county newspaper – I have to wait until Monday to read that at work … or should I buy a copy today?

It is certainly the most diverse show that I have been in. It reminds me of exhibitions that I used to see at the library in the town where I did my foundation course. Even then I found those shows lacking something … or not really connecting with me.

Perhaps I am looking at things from the wrong perspective. Perhaps it is the very lack of cohesion that screams something that I do not want to admit – that I belong to a group of artists desperate to show and willing to take any opportunity to do so. A lack of critical judgement?

The number of mentees now seriously out weighs the number of mentors – not that we have those roles anymore. So to put it another way the number of non-Swedish born artists is far higher than the number of native Swedish artists. This significantly shifts things. When the group was part of the national Art of Participation project every non-Swede was partnered up with a Swede. To me this made sense when we exhibited together as there was a dialogue. I felt that both sides benefitted from the acknowledged crude but equal ratio of Swedes to non-Swedes. I do not get the same feeling from this show. What I get is a cacophony of disparate voices rather than conversations between international peers. Perhaps we just had better luck with our first show back in 2018. The work simply worked better together. The space was more conducive – three distinct rooms rather one large open space where inevitably a group show of sixteen artists presents something of a visual jumble (sale).

The space itself is not easy. It is a kind of mezzanine overlooking the café and facing the glazed facade of the building. The floor and walls are neutrally treated pine which lends a definite character (sauna-esque?) to the venue. The ceiling is not particularly low yet manages to feel as if it is. After installing my work I tried to take a couple of pictures for Instagram. I gave up after several attempts. The room, or our show, has committed the modern sin of not being Instagram friendly! I think that it would take a very skilled artist/curator to make a solo show work in the space. So perhaps I should not be so hard on our group attempt.

Full disclosure: all the artists are getting a fee for exhibiting. While this was not my sole reason for participating it certainly made the offer more attractive. It feels good to acknowledge this. The extra income is very welcome now that I have two studios to support. This was the first time that I calculated what my fee would be as part of my decision making process. Until now I have made judgements about participation based on less overtly economic factors. As far as I can recall I have always chosen to be in group shows because the show itself sounded interesting.

Writing this it dawns on me that I have never before been a member of an artists group that shows together. And now that I have had that realisation I wonder if I want to be part of a group that shows together. My initial interest in the Art of Participation was the opportunities for meeting other artists and making connections. It was never about putting on group exhibitions And the first thing that was mentioned when Adelante was formed was a project with an artists’ initiative in northern Sweden – that is what I have been holding on for – projects rather than shows. This distinction should make it easier for me to decide my level of involvement in the group’s activities.

I am happy if a project results in an exhibition. I am not however looking for a group of artists to exhibit with. I am pleased to have reached that conclusion, not least because it puts all my fears, apprehensions, concerns, and anxieties about the show in to context.

That all said I wonder if we will get any feedback about the show.

Adelante Group Show runs until 19 August at The Sports and Culture Centre, Knvista, Sweden