Attending two quite different explosion workshops this week (as part of the ‘Normalcy Cluster’ activities – not that I really understand what that means) has led me to wonder if I am spreading myself too thin. This wondering concerns the impact of explosive substances rather than the attending of yet more workshops. It is all about energy – and its effective employment. Applying the metaphor to my current situation I can think that I am doing the equivalent of igniting old-fashioned caps (from my childhood cap-gun) spread across a large field, as opposed to detonating the same amount of explosive material in a single spot. This results in a lot of ultimately insignificant little bangs rather than something with some real impact. Have I been treating my energies as if they are eggs rather than dynamite? Conscientiously making sure they are never in the same basket … before I tie myself in a metaphorical knot I will say that perhaps it is time to begin consolidating and focussing what I am doing.
A week ago I began to write a post that remains unfinished, it listed the things that I had achieved in the preceding two weeks – things that had prevented me having time to write here. That (unfinished) post has now been superseded, and I wonder what to do with the unfinished un-posted unforgotten text. I wonder whether to try to re-call my impressions about the Supermarket Art Fair (now three weekends ago), my thoughts after two days teaching in Gothenburg, my excitement and anxiety in writing a PhD application, or to consign those things to an unrecorded past and trust that the impact of those experiences is now a part of me that will inform what happens from this moment on. A question of whether I write looking backwards or forwards. Today ‘forwards’ seems more appealing …
I feel a shifting of gears – this is not unsurprising as I negotiate my transition from student to teacher. This week I will begin teaching the Introduction to Artistic Research course that I was taking this time last year. Attending a research conference at the new Stockholm University of the Arts, and making the PhD application, has re-assured me that my interest in non-institutional research is vital. I am beginning to be better able to argue my position that artistic research is about process as opposed to being a process in itself, though I am aware my ideas need substantial refinement!
Discussions about artistic research with another artist have led us to the conclusion that there are clear and obvious needs for independent research platforms. It is our intention to establish one in Stockholm. This has great potential and, like the Supermarket Art Fair, is a necessary artist-led counterpoint to the institutional (/commercial) establishments. Noting that 151 applications were received for two research positions at the Royal College here we realise that there are an awful lot of artists who consider themselves to be researchers and their practice to be research. Our ambition is to create a platform for these kinds of artists and their activities.
Through these weeks of hectic and diverse activity something has percolated. And that something might even cause me to reconsider my resistance to the word “project” to describe an artist’s (my!) activities. From writing a research proposal suggesting an investigation into the material and conceptual qualities of glitter, to thinking about the space between reality and fiction inspired by the idea that cinematic explosions need to fulfil our expectations of an explosion rather than the reality of an explosion to be believable, via a truly inspirational presentation of artistic research that has lead to the establishment of foundations for fertility and family planning in developing countries and child victims of war, I have somehow begun to think that if I have a project then that project might be about wonder. Wonder as noun, adjective and verb …
… wonder …
it is a beautiful word!
The plaster casts of my shadow form are still not as interesting as I thought they would be! This is quite hard to admit after having spent so much of my time at Mejan producing the mould – I wonder if I need to let them sit for a while longer before I judge them too critically.
Casting the form in wax has been much more rewarding! I have not worked with wax since I was Dartington in the late 80s. I find the material fascinating, I like its malleableness. I find myself wanting to understand it, to learn how it melts and hardens, how it flows and fastens, how it forms and releases. Working with it reminds me of both cookery and science classes, as though the material spans the world of the domestic and the academic via the workshop. As children we made candles, it is one of the few creative activities that I remember doing with my father – he being a science teacher and sailor preferred more technical and technological hobbies. Writing now it dawns on me that wax has an obvious connection to light, to one’s ability to produce and control light. And then there are, of course, the old anatomical and biological wax models – were these attempts at capturing time in order to study things that would otherwise decay? Attempts to make things easier to understand, literally easier to handle? I am thinking about the wax anatomical models in the Spectacular Bodies show at the Hayward some years ago.
I continue to work with my ‘back to front’ and ‘inside outside’ ideas for casting glass. Making separate halves of the mould means that I am working from the inside out, working from the (bi-lateral) cross-section of the whole form. Perhaps it was this ‘working away from’ that led to thinking about casting the glass in a way that it would have the feeling of a “negative” (even though it is clearly a “positive”). During the initial glass workshop I cast something which was much more interesting viewed from the “wrong side”, it is this quality that I want to produce again. This early cast also contained too much glass which formed a kind of pool over the mould, it makes a really nice contrast between the cast form and the accidental overflow. The first time it happened by chance, now I want to see if I can knowingly create similar results!
In a few weeks’ time I start co-teaching the Introduction to Artistic Research course at Konstfack! It is both exciting and daunting. After a good meeting with the director of these professional courses Anna and I have begun dealing with the practicalities of scheduling sessions and booking rooms. It is not always easy as we both really want to co-teach each session, and at the same time we both have prior commitments. Hopefully there will only be two sessions where we cannot work together. I am delighted to be teaching again and am certain that it will be rewarding for me as well as for the students. Artistic Research remains a challenging subject for me, going further in to it will no doubt strengthen and clarify my own understanding. Re-reading the course literature in preparation for the first session has raised new questions and expectations about how artistic research can function.
Ideas for my application to one of the upcoming PhD posts at Mejan have been spinning around my mind. Attempts at getting these ideas down on paper (as the application requires) is quite another story! My project proposal is based on physical and intellectual work with glitter. I love the idea that I would be able to focus on that full-time for four years, and at the same time I wonder how to write something that other people are able to take seriously in a competitive academic environment. It is too easy for me to get carried away with pushing the ideas and neglect describing what I actually want to do and how I intend to do it! I guess that a good application is able to express both the passion and the competence to conduct the project …
I was starting to feel a bit guilty about not having posted since the birthday party. The last two and a half weeks have been (over) full and (over) exhausting. There is still a lot to do and February will be a very demanding month, however I no longer feel quite so overwhelmed and things seems to be back in perspective.
I have been sorting out some days teaching in Gothenburg at the college where I also applied for a part-time job. The artist who suggested that I apply for the job, has invited me to be involved in a student project irrespective of my application. I am very excited as it is my first teaching work in many years, it will be fascinating to see if I can do some tutorials in Swedish! My presentation of my work will be in English as there are some international students – speaking English is both a relief and a disappointment. It is impossible for me to gauge how successful my application might be. I will deal with the logistics if and when I get an offer!
In the meantime there are two other exciting opportunities coming up closer to home. On Monday Anna and I will meet with the director of independent courses at Konstfack to discuss taking over the Introduction to Artistic Research course. When I heard that Rolf (the course leader) had been appointed Research Leader at the new University of the Arts Stockholm I thought it meant that I would not be asked to do a days teaching that he had hinted at, I was not expecting him to suggest that Anna (a student from another intake of the same course) and I should take over the course! Coincidentally Anna and I are at the same studios, though we do not really know each other. We had a good meeting on Tuesday evening and I am looking forward to working with her – providing we get the go ahead on Monday.
On the last day for applying to Gothenburg, the University of the Arts Stockholm (SKH) announced ten new PhD posts. Two of these will be at Mejan and it would be foolish for me not to apply, though (again) I am not certain that my work and I are quite right for it. This is not a judgement on the quality or ambition of my practice, rather a recognition that I find it very hard to produce text that clearly and appropriately communicates the kind of research that an institution can easily invest in. But that is not going to stop me trying!! I am going to see if I can shape my thoughts about glitter as a viable and serious artistic material in to something suitable. My presentation of it as an idea for a general research project were well received by my fellow students and Rolf, however it is a different situation and they are not the ones taking the decision!
As a very welcome counterpoint to all that writing and theory there is my work in the workshops at Mejan. Possibly as a result of being split between too many different activities I had been feeling rather lost, as though I had forgotten what I was doing and why. The first casts that I made after all those weeks of preparation did not excite me as much as I thought they would. Perhaps it is the cold matt white of the plaster, or perhaps the form is becoming less interesting the further it moves away from the original object. However, a couple of days working with wax have lead to towards something that might be of interest and make the process worth continuing. I want to cast glass in half the solid form – in an open mould – this means that you get flat clear side (which is often the bottom or back) of the finished piece. What I want to present is the glass upside down (or back to front) so that the cast seems to be somehow below the surface … this ‘illusion’ appeals to me and makes some kind of reference to the (intangible) shadow ….
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you …
Today is your seventh birthday! And as your author this has given me pause for thought. When I started you and proposed that you would be “charting my progress” it was, of course, impossible to imagine where I would be today. And yet at the same time as I re-read various posts it is not completely surprising that I am here doing what I am doing.
You have been a constant and faithful companion along my journey. The opportunity that your always listening ear, and your remarkable memory give me have, I am sure, been more beneficial than I care to admit. I have found your silent support and total acceptance of whatever I need to say both comforting and rewarding.
Then there are your friends – the other blogs that you hang about with – and their authors, who while not exactly friends have become important voices with welcome and oftentimes uncannily accurate observations and comments. Thank you for introducing me to them!
As your author I take a lot of credit for your existence however I must also congratulate the a-n.co.uk team without whom you could not exist.
So without any more fuss, or danger of this becoming a rambling acceptance speech, I want to say a very heart felt thank you!
… Happy birthday dear ‘Project Me’,
Happy birthday to you!
I have lost my sense of time. Days and particularly weeks are not making any sense to me. This is most likely the result of the ‘sudden’ change in my routine. Most of my weekdays are now spent at Mejan rather than being divided up between three schools with no two consecutive days in the same place. It is great being able to focus more on what I am doing there, and I have also noticed that I am starting to have an even better working relationship with the tutors and other students. The stress and urgency that I felt, and no doubt exuded, last term is no longer there and this I am sure makes for easier and more productive working days – for everyone! Being present is a sign of my interest and it makes it easier for others to be interested too. I also have time to be more interested in what other people are doing which is doubly rewarding as our discussions are most often in Swedish.
On two occasions this week I have explained my work in Swedish! At least I think I have explained my work!! Once to some visiting tutors at college, and also to two new staff at the Andersson Sandström gallery where I returned to buy catalogues of Riitta Paivalainen whom they are showing at the moment. It is somehow both wonderful and worrying to discover a successful artist whose work is related/parallel/similar to one’s own. Paivalainen’s works with second-hand clothes and mentions that she is interested in their unknown histories. There is a picture of a piece in which she uses shirts that could easily have come from my collection.
Not only does her content give me things to think about but her form does too. She produces large-scale photographs of garments and fabric in specific conditions and locations. She states that she is a photographer rather than an installation artist. Her interest is in the image rather than the encounter with the real objects. Reading this led me to think about two things; firstly that there is a saleable (re-exhibitable!) product (artwork), and secondly that as she sets up her photographs in isolated landscapes she most likely avoids problems of permissions and public accessibility. Producing an image affords her a level of control and possibility that would be hard to achieve if the site-specific installations were the artwork. This has certainly given me something to think about!
Where might the objects I produce and collect be located if I were to place them somewhere to be photographed? Not in the natural landscape (as Paivalainen’s are) … I think I see them being somewhere more architectural. Architectural and yet at odds with them, the polished cake tins of Glory do not belong in a kitchen – I would like to see them re-placing classical busts somewhere … Sir John Soane’s house? … in the V&A Museum?
