I NEED a studio. I’m getting frustrated at not having anywhere to work, anywhere to play with things, anywhere to try things out. It’s been four months since I gave up the studio in London and I realise now that I’m not someone who can work at the kitchen table, or in space and times between other things. I like having a studio, I like the structure it gives me.
Now is not a good time to take a studio, I have one month more in Stockholm before I return to London to work and sort out my flat.
I feel as though I’m in limbo – waiting for things to happen, waiting for things to get resolved. I’m not completely passive but at the moment I’m waiting to hear about the college applications, waiting to talk to my flatmates, waiting to see if I can rent-out my flat …
After seeing three great shows at Magasin 3; Tom Friedman, Sol Lewitt, Maira Nepomuceno, www.magasin3.com; and Tomas Saraceno at Bonnier’s, www.bonnierskonsthall.se . I just want to get on and make things. The only way for me to be an artist is to make art. Make make make …
Books are expensive here in Sweden, especially imported one.
Today two books arrived that I ordered online (I try to support local bookshops but at the moment my finances can’t support my moral high-ground).
The parcel has three labels on it.
Each label has an address.
The first has my address here in Stockholm.
The second has the online companies address in North Las Vegas, United States.
The third has the address of a ‘mail centre’ in Auckland, New Zealand.
I can’t tell if the books have come from the US or NZ, or if they’ve gone from one to the other before arriving in Sweden.
I was reading the blurb on the back cover and I spotted that the books were printed and bound in Italy.
The books are co-published by Whitechapel Gallery, London and MIT Press in the US.
I had planned to buy the books at the Whitechapel Gallery bookshop myself, but noticed that the online price including postage was the same as the price in London and I wouldn’t have to think about paying for excess luggage. Originally I had planned to buy them last week when I should have been in London, however due to the volcanic ash cloud my flight was cancelled.
The books arrived the day I was due back.
I get fascinated by things like this.
I’ve been thinking about the points around the globe; Stockholm, London, Massachusetts, Las Vegas, Auckland, Iceland.
I feel, at once, both incredibly global and very very small …
So I’m not going to London then!
At the moment it looks as though my trip will be cancelled – although I can re-book my ticket it doesn’t look like I can do it for later this week.
I feel very unsettled – I thought I knew what I would be doing, and now it’s not happening. I feel quite weightless.
I will see if I can get my brother to download Skype so I can ‘join’ my parents and his family for dinner on Wednesday. I will raise a glass of something fizzy to Ken and Julia on Saturday afternoon and be with them in spirit of not person.
I’ll find other ways to sort out the other things I was going to do … and I’ll enjoy a ‘free’ week in Stockholm ….
ps. I’m reading Lucky Kunst: The Rise and Fall of the Young British Artist (by Gregor Muir) at the moment. It’s amazing to think I was both so near and so far from it all … a few miles and few months can realy make a difference
I’m coming round to the idea that I won’t be in Sweden this summer. I’m making it okay by telling myself that I’ll be here lots of other summers.
Today I uploaded my application for a (the!) practice-based PhD that is being launched here. Yesterday I had a very good meeting with the research co-ordinator. It was an informal meeting to answer some questions I had about the structure of the application, I had been feeling very unconnected with the academic world but as it turns out I was on the right track. Meeting her was also very pertinent to my ‘dilemma’ (?) about whether I could really move to Sweden. She has recently returned after many years of living in the UK, it was interesting to hear her opinions and observations.
On the subject of moving to Sweden friends seem to be falling into two camps. This evening I’m with the ‘DO IT’ team. The thought of trying to manage a flat, or even find an agent I trust, and dealing with all the things that go with being an absentee landlord are far less attractive than thinking I could have enough money to rent a studio and not have to worry about paid employment for a few years …
Next week I’m in London for a wedding and to deliver work to a gallery for a show that opens in May. It will be good to see my friends, my flat and London again. I still have a lot to think about in the coming months.
I feel as though I’ve really been through the wringer this week.
One of my flatmates in London told me that he plans to move out at the end of May. Basically it means that I have to go back to London and find a new tenant. The news was like being hit with a massive lump of reality! I’ve been able to spend time in Stockholm because my house and mortgage was being taken care of. I rarely thought about what was happening in London and recently I’ve even allowed myself to think that I live in Stockholm now. Suddenly it felt like I was being pulled back – very much against my will!
A good friend here pointed out how my reaction to the news (feeling physically sick and unable to sleep for three days) could be an indication of where I really want to be. To be honest I’ve been avoiding the reality of my situation, and now I’m going to have to face up to it.
In one way the current situation is making think about where I want to be in the future and it’s made me realise that I really don’t have the resources to live in two countries.
I was looking forward to summer here, now it looks like I’ll be in London sorting out my flat and working to cover the short fall in rent. I hope that I can find someone I already know to take the room – I don’t like the idea of letting to a stranger and then leaving the country! It also feels very unfair to my other flatmate who’s been a wonderful tenant for nearly six years.
All this happened at the same time as I’m working on an application to study here!
Suddenly I have a lot of thinking to do …
