Had a couple of great days in the studio last week. I spent about 13 hours there on Thursday – I haven’t spent so long in a studio since I was on my MA. I didn’t plan to be there that long it just happened. The studios are quite busy at the moment and I enjoy knowing other people are around.
I’m trying to focus on resolving/finishing pieces that I’ve started over the last year or so. Though this, of course, leads to new thoughts and ideas. There’s no point in having all these ideas and no finished work. There are things I want to achieve that depend on having something to show other people – at the most basic level I’d like feedback on my work, beyond that I want to be in position to apply for shows, residencies and competitions.
I’ve decided to invest in myself. This is a new notion for me and I’m working it out in practice. For whatever reasons I’ve often felt a bit awkward about demonstrably believing that what I do has a place in the world – what I mean is that I believe in what I do, but I don’t always believe that anyone else is, or would be, interested. When I think back I realise that this is nonsense and that people have usually taken an interest in what I do and say. So I’m actively countering my reticent tendencies and getting on with it!
This weekend I’m going to Norway for the opening of Michael Petry’s Golden Rain project. Deciding to go to the opening has taken me through some interesting thought processes. Initially I was really excited, then I started to wonder if I was being a bit pretentious – after all I’m only one of 100 artists involved in his project, then Michael emailed us all saying that the organisers were really keen that as many artists as possible should attend. So I booked my flight … I guess my current anxiety is actually to do with taking myself seriously and feeling comfortable in the world that’s been a fantasy for so long.
Other investments include asking Hugh, who has the carpentry shop on the ground floor of the studio, to get some plasterboard for me. At the moment the studio doesn’t have a single wall with a good surface. There’s also not a single surface that I can pin things to – and I’m working on finishing embroidery pieces that are pinned directly to the wall. Those three sheets of plasterboard are going to make a big difference!
These modest acts of investment are important to me. It occurred to me that I need to take myself seriously if I want other people to do the same. There’s a need (and a desire) to make this attitude real – to give it material form.
