There is so much going on! Despite it being July – month when Sweden is on holiday – I seem to be as busy as usual … so it is just as well that I am on holiday from my half-time job otherwise I would not have time to get anything done.
I love having things going on, however I have allowed myself to get to that point where I am simply running from one to the next without really having time to do anything properly. I do not think that it the first time that I have identified that the problem is somewhat logistic and/or financial. I am starting to do things now that I was not able to do in the last few months due to my paid employment – employment that I cannot afford to give up because most of the other things that I do are underpaid or done with no guarantee of return (financial or artistic).
I know that I need time … that my fantasy needs time to come forth. I want to be better at giving myself time. Time, as they say, is precious and I think that I am worth it. I also want to be better at giving my friends and colleagues time … a course in time management perhaps?
Today – my first official holiday day – has been spent at home restoring some order on and around the table that I work at in the living room. It is a relatively modest table and easily becomes laden with paper, books, pens, pencils, the hole punch, the stapler, the little device for logging in to my online bank account, my diary, a sketchbook, a discount voucher from a supplier, articles torn from various arts magazines. It is the evening and the table surface is not yet clear. The chest of drawers beside though has no clutter on or around it. The floor immediately adjacent to the living room door is clear for the first time this year.
Often I have the radio on when I am at home. Today however the radio has been silent and it feels as though I have had more time. Of course that is not possible and hour with the radio off is the same length as an hour with the radio on … right? Maybe not! Or rather maybe it is not the same kind of hour. I listen to the radio to improve my Swedish, which I believe is certainly does. What it may not improve is my ability to focus in other things at the same time. In fact it seems to have the opposite effect. The radio (or the language) commands so much of my attention that I can complete only the simplest of other tasks while listening. This is where I might be losing time. Whilst clearing and sorting in silence today I found myself thinking about things that I need to do and working through different ways and schedules for do them. As the day closes I feel calmer about my to do list than I did this morning although I have not actually tackled anything on the list.
I feel certain that I will achieve a good number of things tomorrow now that both some physical and mental space has been cleared. I know nothing about the relationship between space and time but by making space I feel as though I have made time. And that is what it is about isn’t it – making time for things.
