A Hypothetical Rant
Say you, hypothetically, set out in November of last year to set up an art space. You start looking for premises, and are delighted when you come across a suitable venue in December, it’s just what you need, and fits your budget.
You talk to the hypothetical commercial lettings agent and discover that the hypothetical premises are being let by the hypothetical local authority. This is good, because you are proposing a project for the same hypothetical local authority arts programme to commence in late spring. You agree a rent, the hypothetical local authority approves you as a tenant, and you ask to see a draft lease.
The hypothetical town manager, is keen to see your project get approval, the hypothetical local authority arts department give you funding for your proposal. But you still haven’t seen a lease. You chase up the hypothetical lettings agent, he tells you vaguely reassuring things, you go away reassured.
Time passes.
You start to worry about how long you have to make the hypothetical premises suitable for your project, you are on a tight to non-existent budget, and you are working many hours on the project unpaid while you do your dayjob to pay the bills.
The hypothetical lettings agent lets you know that a draft lease will be forthcoming in 10-14 days, he is wry but pleasant, local authority legal teams are a little slow it seems.
10-14 hypothetical days pass, still no lease is forthcoming. You bring in a friend with relevant experience of commercial leases to give you advice. She writes to the agent, suddenly a hypothetical draft lease arrives.
You are disappointed that the draft lease appears to be written by hypothetical monkeys with typewriters, you are even more dismayed when you realise that you are paying the hypothetical legal fees, and therefore you have basically paid a bunch of hypothetical cretins to draft some loo paper, and take over a month doing it.
Your hypothetical friend takes issue with the draft, (thank god for her!) And gradually and slowly an appropriate lease is written, your friend is invaluable.
Just when you think you are about to take possession of your hypothetical premises the local authority announces that you cannot until certain tests have been carried out.
You wonder why this wasn’t bloody done in the whole hypothetical year the premises have been empty.
The delays are becoming excruciating, frustrating and unfathomable, you wonder why you, who are working unpaid to produce cultural and community activities which will benefit local residents, are able to act in a timely professional manner, and yet various hypothetical local authority departments and personnel, and their representatives, are unable to do the same, despite it being their only job.
It seems ridiculous to you, that the project that is funded by one part of the hypothetical local authority, is so cavalierly jeopardised by another part of same authority.
Hypothetical rant over.
