My operation has been re rescheduled. A power cut at the hospital on the day I was due to have surgery on my hand meant long delays and ultimately cancellation of the op. I had to wait all day in case they could fit me in which meant nil by mouth for 10 hours- bit of a trial for me, the food obsessive. An hour long power cut at a hospital obviously wreaks havoc , and must have been a huge strain on staff and resources which are already so overstretched – but I was so impressed and grateful for the time and care taken by the nursing staff and surgeon despite the huge pressure they were under to explain what what was happening and to try to keep me informed. It makes me very very thankful for the NHS and for the good care I am receiving at Bradford Royal Infirmary for this minor injury – but also worried about the future – for me, and for everyone. One, or five, or ten years down the line, when the government are further on with their plundering of our National Health Service for private profit, what will be left? I just have a temporary injury that will heal in weeks but what about these with serious illness and injuries? It makes me angry, and frightened.
Tuesday is my new date for surgery.I found out last week I am to have a general anaesthetic and it may be that they need to put wires in my hand to correct the break in my finger. This means being out of action for longer than I was expecting – the nurse said up to six weeks. That means being off work for that time. I work in a kitchen so working one-handed is a no-no. I am lucky that though this job is part time, it’s also permanent which means I am entitled to sick pay, unlike most of my colleagues who are on zero hours contracts. If I was completely reliant on self employed earnings, like many artists I know, I’d also be scuppered.
So I am focussing on this luck, and seeing this unexpected period of enforced inactivity as an opportunity. My right hand is out of action, yes, but I can learn to use my left, and my hand is not yet in a cast so I also have use of my right index finger and thumb. I’m trying, and getting better at, doing lots of things with my left hand.
Yesterday I had the urge to make again so have been mucking about with drawing and collaging with my left hand to see what I can do. It takes longer to do everything so I’m slower and more patient. Also because I’m seeing it more as experimental play (what can I do/not do with my left hand) I’m not putting the usual pressure on myself to “make work”. It’s keeping me out of trouble anyway.
I finished the Hilary Mantel memoir http://www.theguardian.com/books/2003/may/10/featu… Mantel writes vividly about the impact of illness and the many medical procedures she has experienced throughout her life not just on her physical body, but on her very identity, the core of her being. She describes writing is her way of recreating herself
“I have been so mauled by medical procedures, so sabotaged and made over, so thin and so fat, feel that each morning it is necessary to write myself into being -even if the writing is aimless doodling that no one will ever read, or the diary that no-one can see till I’m dead. When you have committed enough words to paper you feel you have a spine stiff enough to stand up in the wind. But when you stop writing you find that’s all you are, a spine, a row of rattling vertebrae, dried out like an old quill pen.”
Keep Our NHS Public: http://www.keepournhspublic.com/index.php
Zero hours contracts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1ljFtbSdNI
