Recording, reflecting and extortionate train fares…

Phew! Arrived home Friday evening, my head spinning, brain buzzing, eyes watering and tummy rumbling. A combination of affects that made me unsure of what to do first – laugh hysterically, write madly, sob despairingly or just collapse in front of the dinner table and scoff down a beautiful dinner of fish and chips dished up by my wonderful partner. Luckily I started with the latter after which the need to do any of the others was adequately subdued for the evening.

It was a really good day, a really good week in fact but I am starting to feel the heat. We had our first critical practice group tutorial on Friday and there was some really great discussions. It was exceptionally helpful and I think, gave us all a lot to digest and a good insight into just what a big task lay ahead of us. I feel pleased to have got going with my research and reading right from the beginning of this course but it felt for much of the first few months that not much was actually making sense, only now do I actually feel I’m making some ground. Although, everything is still such a jumble in my head. It is true the more you learn the more you realise there is to learn and it creates a real hunger to discover more.

It feels like a whole wealth of information, new influences, fascinating new thoughts and discovery has been opened up to me. A quarter of the way through this course I can already feel it provoking an extremely significant change in my thinking and I’m enjoying it so much. It is definitely uncomfortable for much of the time but strangely thrilling…and it’s only begun really. I look at the full time students, now nearly half way through and see the extreme pressure they are under, but it is really interesting to observe how their work is changing in such a small period of time and the really interesting debates emerging through their practices. The Post-graduate forums have given a really good insight in to other peoples concerns and research processes. I have mine own presentation to give in March and I am really scared about it but definitely looking forward to the discussion which I’m sure is going to be really helpful to me (although am sure I will not be thinking of that on the morning of it when I’m trying to hide under the table, hoping they forget about me) I am such a scaredy cat when it comes to speaking in front of people, in fact I always dread it. I seem to revert back to my school days and I’m suddenly a bumbling, stuttering, bright red tomato. Oh joy!

It’s been a busy week with one thing and another. Tuesday I was over in Swindon setting up for the second part of the Domesticated exhibition at the Post Modern Gallery. It was an interesting space and quite a contrast from the Chapel. It is a gallery but still clearly once a post office with counters and signs scattered throughout the room. I really liked the feel of it. The references to what it once was were subtle enough to not distract from the exhibition but enough to keep the character of the space and its context exposed.

I was exhibiting the same staircase that I showed for the Bath show, that I made last year. It was interesting to revisit this piece. It has been stored in Swindon for the months in between the last show and this one. It’s physical distance from me has felt poignant. Installing it for this show has been a good opportunity to reflect on the changes that are occurring within my practice and where I have come from. Things have been placed under real scrutiny and I kind of feel right in the middle of the haze of intense questioning but I can still look back and appreciate the relevance of where I have come from and how I ended up here. Even in this thick fog of confusion and possibility I can link up the threads. I feel reflective looking back and excited (and a little scared) about the uncertainty of going forward.

College was really enjoyable this week and is starting to finally feel like things are under way. I can’t believe it has taken so long but finally I am getting use to the travelling, relaxing into my weekly routine and getting to know people a bit better. I think I found the sheer number of new people and limited time to properly get to know them quite overwhelming. We have our interim show coming up at the end of the month at The Nunnery, I’m really looking forward to being involved. The group seems to be well organised and hopefully it’s all set to run smoothly. I am a little worried about what I’m showing…its very unresolved and new territory for me but we have been encouraged to take a risk with it and that’s what I’m doing and trying to get as much out of it as possible and enjoy it. I think sometimes I forget the enjoyment part… I’m doing what I absolutely love but am usually too busy worrying to remember that. It’s so silly.