It is turning out to be such a funny time for me at the moment. I’ve been thrown into uncertainty in so many different areas of my life right now, I’m doing that thing where I feel so stressed that I thinking I’m doing loads but most of my energy is just being sapped up by stress and worry.
I got made redundant at the beginning of this month, thought I was ok because I’d found another job straightaway, then the other job didn’t work out, mainly because I came home and felt like I wanted to cry all the time. Then had long discussion with partner about not doing new, horrible, time consuming, soul destroying job and agreed that I should try to look for something relevant to my extensive education and chosen career for the last however many years, for a while, then go back to looking for rubbish, completely irrelevant minimum wage job when all other ideas have been exhausted.
So I’m now finding myself applying for the ‘expenses only’ jobs as that’s all I can seem to find. I’m not complaining, I know we’re all to paddle in that same old boat, but what a conundrum. Do work I want to do… for free, or do work that makes me cry and get paid for it?
Well, as a ‘keep me a float’ option for now, I’m off to try some bar work tonight, maybe I’ll love it and not want to cry. Maybe I’ll be like Tom Cruise… or… one of the Coyote girls… oh god, I want to cry already.
A friend made the suggestion that maybe I should use this as an opportunity to try out loads of weird and wonderful jobs as a kind of inspiration for my art, but I’m not inspired, I just want to use what I know and love doing. Ahhh, stamp feet, clench fists and scream and scream and scream, mmm that’s better.
