My AXIS application was once more declined. This time I defied their statement that they won’t provide feedback, and emailed them with a plea for some kind of meaningful response. I was flattered to a receive a reply at all (tactfully sandwiched between thanks for applying):
“The curatorial panel could see from your detailed statement and photographic documentation that you are active and serious about developing your field of practice. But we are not convinced that Axis is the right promotional platform for you. At the moment we don’t receive enquiries or opportunities that are likely to be of relevance to you, and we would struggle to provide a suitable context for work that stands slightly outside our usual sphere of operation.”
Should I be flattered that a mainstream ACE-funded organisation implies that I work on the fringes … or should I be cross that a grassroots artist-led organisation fails to embrace the breadth of contemporary practice?
Did the conversation go along the lines of: “Well, he’s provided a detailed theoretical justification of his work OK, but we can’t possibly have these kinds of images on our website … what can we say?” … or did it go along the lines of “This work is utterly non-commercial, there are plenty of artists out there who can gain real benefit from the limited space on our site, we should devote that space to them”??
And then of course there are reactions such as “The opportunities and enquiries to the site will reflect the work that’s already there … is AXIS imprisoning itself in its own history? If different work was promoted, would different opportunities and enquiries be received?” Or is this just a tactful stock reply?
Well, I’m too old, too jaded and too short of time to delve further, or kick up any kind of fuss. Move on, and look for opportunities elsewhere.
One such opportunity is the “Sacred Arts” dance camp, which I just attended with the children. Last year I really enjoyed the week of basic living in a tent, cooking on a log fire, sharing ideas and experiences of sacred creativity, and meeting other artists and performers who have similar concerns. Last year I returned happy, inspired, full of hope and enthusiasm.
This year was not so good for me (though the kids had a ball – it’s a camp which devotes a lot of resources to children). The bad weather had a lot to do with it.
A lot of people on the camp were clearly failing to cope with the wet and the cold, and me and my partner ended up “rescuing” cold and hungry adults and children on several occasions.
But there’s a more fundamental problem, that was highlighted by the adverse conditions: an organisational ethos of “helpfulness, sharing and kindness” has attracted, over the years, more than its fair share of the helpless, selfish and unkind.
People who never learned, as children, how to share … and who bumble through their lonely lives bemused as to why nobody likes them, and who take refuge in the concept of a loving divinity.
From feeding apparently abandoned children, through verbal abuse for “not helping” (as I was already busy helping someone else at the time), to comforting crying strangers pouring out their hearts in the communal showers … it was more of a work-camp than a holiday, and I began to yearn for home, where I get paid for working for other people, rather than paying a rather substantial fee.
And then trying to cook for a circle of people whose dietary requirements spanned “Only cooked food” to “No cooked food”, and “only cook with coconut oil” to “coconut oil doesn’t agree with me”. Never mind the vegans (for spiritual reasons) and the wheat-free (crone’s disease and similar).
I have to admit to a certain envy of the 4 adults in our circle of 12 who were fed 6 evenings, but who neither cooked nor contributed any food, all week long.
It was a tendency I noticed at the last camp, that parents of children are expected to be parents of helpless adults too. As a fellow overstretched parent put it: “About a third of people here are actually competent and capable, the rest are either sad or mad”.
I will probably go again next year anyway. The punters are either my peers or my natural audience, so if it wasn’t for the bad weather and the consequent overwhelming workload, it would have been a great opportunity for promoting my work.
But like the AXIS refusal – deeply, intensely frustrating that I can’t access that opportunity … better weather next year, perhaps …
