My last Blog, “Before Hindsight” opened in December 09 with some pictures of canvas with some orange stuff smeared on it, smouldering feebly.
18 months on, and dozens of experiments later, here at last is a working prototype of the ultimate vision. I intend this blog to document the development of these techniques into public or semi-public presentations.
I still have a bag of highly toxic carcinogenic stuff that looks like orange sherbert to dispose of. Are there any natural dye enthusiasts who would like some Potassium Dichromate to mess around with?
Before Hindsight closed on a positive note. However, within days my partner (and mother of our children) announced that she was “actively seeking a new relationship”, though apparently I was welcome to carry on “hanging out” with her.
I can’t say I was well-pleased with the offer. Such experimentation is fine when you’re in your 20s with no kids or other responsibilities; and even then, it seldom, if ever, works out well (from experience). But in one’s 40s, 15 years into raising children, a business, and ageing parents, it seems like a monumental mistake.
So much of the last 12 months, and all my spare energy, has been devoted to turning my office and studio space into a home for me and the kids, and getting the new routines and procedures in place for all the mundane things such as getting the kids to and from school, etc.
My studio space is now much reduced, though still usable. I have fold-away beds for the children, and my desk is on wheels so I can move it around as other activities demand. And I’ve installed flooring in the attic, and put up masses of shelving. And I’ve decorated – it’s really up-beat, lots of primary colour (surprise), and the kids love it. So do I.
I only see the kids half time, which is a constant heart-break.
However, on the glass-half-full front: I see the kids half time!! Many Dads barely see their children at all. I have studio space and outdoor performance space!! This is a massive improvement on 20 years ago. My spare time is my own!! I’m no longer being made to feel that my creative enterprises constitute neglect of my family. This is, truly, a huge relief.
I’m hoping the mood of this blog will be phoenix-like, fiery, forward-looking, fuelled by the new opportunities that my new situation brings. But it will inevitably also include some soul-searching, a few regrets, looking back and assimilating the ashes into works of beauty.
After all, that, for me, is what the greatest artists have done, and hopefully I can follow on in my own small way.
Is it “e” for empty, experiment, or a rope trying to disappear up its own arse? Timing of fuse lighting not what I intended, but this demonstrates that the method works.
