this is nice – a wednesday morning and i sit down to write a blog post. on radio 4 is a dialogue between male politician and female reporter, electoral fraud was mentioned briefly however my focus is on the renewed interest in my practice.
until monday of this week i’d been going through a period of feeling unhappy about myself and my practice. it had got to the point of feeling i knew nothing and i had little belief in myself to get myself past this.
so what happened to alter this ?
i went for a walk with the dog, the kitchen was cleaned and i watched a video tutorial by the rainbow unicorn man. these three things set up the conditions to start to move forward again.
yesterday i rested a painful ankle and started to work on research for a couple of things i’m doing later in the year.
i kept the momentum up. i’m enrolled on a mooc at the moment – it had a drawing opportunity – draw the picture you hear in the audio description.
the rainbow unicorn man got me believing in using processing again to create something to draw with. keeping it simply and fun i wrote some code quickly and ran what i had written. it took a few attempts to debug it but i did get something that works – something to add to and develop. i screen grabbed one of the compositions i made :
i didn’t work out what was causing the block – it didn’t matter as the block was so all encompassing that i knew i needed to get past it – even though it felt i never would.
its still early days. being gentle and encouraging of myself is still important.
the positive thing at the moment is the weight of the mental vale has eased, my life feels again to have purpose, the feeling of futility and no point no longer sweeps over me like an orbiting satellite.
time to walk again – one small step after one small step.
