Simulacra And Simulations

Before Easter I felt largely undermined and belittled.

Opportunities that I hoped would lead to permanent employment or a commission seem to be withdrawn, as if no one really wants me to ever earn a living. And one of those exciting opportunities, I’ve since been informed there is no budget for!!

I’m 36 years old, and all the career advice I am provided with is “to get a job in retail”. Retail. I have no experience of this. I’m really starting to despair.

A fellow artist shared this http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/universal-credit-toolkit-quick-guide-self-employment.pdf

and I started to worry again. Despite having spoken to Gingerbread before, and their reassurances, I really don’t trust the DWP not to pull the rug out from under me. They’ve lied to me before and tried to cut off my only income.

So I spent an entire afternoon applying for a job. It would be ideal, only one day a week working in events management for a charity. But not a single part of me has any confidence that I’ll get it. Since I became a single parent in 2001, I must’ve applied for hundreds of jobs, never getting a single one of them. I don’t think it’s because I don’t have the ability to do the jobs that I apply for, or that I lack confidence, I blame the employers for not choosing to employ me.

I’ve stopped browsing the Jobs And Opps on here, because no jobs or opps exist in Lincoln. Plenty in London. And I found that I could be awarded a scholarship to do a Masters in Norway, but I’m not in a position to go to Norway for any large length of time while the kids are at school here.

I feel that at every single turn I come up against barriers, and what hope I used to have that despite this I will somehow achieve my dreams is fast disappearing.

The race is now on to find regular paid work before me and my kids are forced into destitution. And as I have said before, every single person to whom I’ve applied for work over the years and has declined my application is to blame for my demise. Every single person that offers unpaid “opportunities”.

You can support all self employed single parents by signing this petition, and I strongly urge you to: http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/the-uk-government-please-abandon-your-plans-for-a-minimum-income-floor-for-self-employed-single-parents

I spent most of the Easter holidays feeling ever more terrified. I’ve since calmed down now that the weather has improved, and my sister got married, and as soon as the kids went back to school, I was offered a link to an HPL position in Illustration, and assured that there’s no criteria for requiring a masters to do it, and support for the application.

Others are quick to tell me I’d need a PhD to become an hourly paid lecturer. In order for me to even consider doing a PhD, I need to do an MA. In order to do an MA, I either need to move to Norway, or have a regular income to support it, which is the catch 22 situation I’m constantly trying to circumvent.

Thanks to Andrew Bracey for including the LAN in his article here: http://new.a-n.co.uk/news/single/a-centre-on-the-periphery-lincolns-emerging-artist-led-scene

My work as an illustrator is included in this exhibition http://www.digitalartsonline.co.uk/news/illustration/exhibition-show-artworks-drawn-built-on-beermats/

I plan to go down to London to see the exhibition, as it coincides with Magne Furuholmen’s “Norwegian Wood” exhibition at Paul Stolper gallery, and I’m really excited to finally make an effort to get elbowed in the face by A-ha fans in an attempt to speak to Magne about his work – I noticed in the press release some interesting correlations between his work and mine that I wasn’t previously aware of. http://www.paulstolper.com/Exhibitions/PressReleas…

Aside from the fact that A-ha remains one of the pivotal reasons for becoming an artist and illustrator, in 1995, while Magne was creating “Kutt”, I gave birth to my first son Kurt, named after Cobain, but since I have been known to reference Schwitters within my own work.

The woodcuts already look visually and emotionally arresting just seeing them online, I believe he previously exhibited this work out in the wilds of Norway, so looking forward to seeing this: http://www.paulstolper.com/Exhibitions/Works/54-ma…

The effort to go to London seems to have sucked all energy out of me since then. I’ve been working steadily on my graphic novel, and I can’t seem to update my website, so instead I found myself spending too much time updating my blog, and making it look really good:http://helendearnleyillustration.blogspot.co.uk/

I have spoken to Gingerbread, the lone parent charity, and the council, and I’m reassured that I will largely not be affected by any of the cuts being proposed for people like single parents struggling to find work with the threat of changes to being self employed and relying on Working Tax Credits. I’ve researched a few career options, to become an Hourly Paid Lecturer, it would seem, I may need a Masters. I can’t afford to do a Masters, even though I want to, as I don’t earn enough to live on, let alone undertake further study. I know a single parent friend who is doing an MA and paying for it out of her benefits. I don’t know how she does that. I’m struggling enough as it is.

I received a letter recently for Council Tax, and because our council is opposing the cuts, the balance due is zero.

If I earnt the income I am supposed to be earning, I would gladly pay council tax, but I’m waiting to find out about this paid University staff position, I don’t know whether to keep inquiring about it, or wait until I hear more news about it.

I was unsuccessful with a recent International Arts Travel bursary application. “Only 22 out of 214 applications were chosen” so that means they need more funding to provide for the other 192 applicants. I suggest badgering a few rich bankers.

I just received an email inviting me to a TED talk in York. I would love to go! http://www.pilot-theatre.com/?IDNO=1390

But what is this? Supported by Arts Council funding, but I’m expected to pay £180 for a ticket!! In what universe do artists pay for ACE funded events??

Today I’m completely shattered. I just came in here to say that plans are afoot to work with Stian Andersen:http://www.flickr.com/photos/29469289@N03/sets/721…

http://helend-blackbird.blogspot.co.uk/

For once, things actually seem to be going well for a change, and I managed to get down to London for a private view, and to show my portfolio to the gallery without a glitch. Apart from certain knight *who shall remain nameless* people arriving late *cough* *cough*. No one was expecting Sir F to be there, until the information was disclosed.

I haven’t slept with over-excitement!

Stian Andersen has photographed A-ha (and a variety of other bands) for 13 years http://a-ha.com/the-band/gallery/album/stian-andersen/

http://www.stianandersen.com/