Simulacra And Simulations

This Friday I have a deadline for a competition brief, and I'm working on something for that. I just wanted to add some thoughts before I disappear into deadline hell…

I just want to clarify that I am still looking for work. I do actually apply for positions advertised. I do not sit around all day on my lazy ass.

BUT I am no longer applying for voluntary work.

I can't afford to do it, I need a proper income – I can only afford to pay the bills and struggle to feed and clothe the kids – they seem to rack the budget up far higher than "the law says I need to live on", as outlined by Income Support.

I thought that by achieving a degree, my days of being a struggling lone parent would become less severe, that I would be capable of earning enough to live on and get out of the benefits trap.

That was my plan. I would now like to invite a city banker to come and live with me to find out what it's really like to exist on very little. But then I wouldn't, because I met a city banker during New Designers, and they're morally messed up!

I can't complain, because I'd much rather be a single parent than spend one more second with a mentally abusive ex-husband, but here's the rub: I escaped from a belittling relationship only to find that now I'm being belittled by every suggestion that I take up voluntary work.

I'm finished with voluntary work – I've done it a death – I was doing voluntary work before I returned to university, when I first became a single Mum, I've done it whilst at University, and also more recently, but now I would rather be paid a living wage like any normal person expects to. Why is this so difficult for some people to understand?

As such, I am not applying for voluntary work – I'd rather go on strike!

I can do voluntary work at home, by myself, in fact I do, alongside single parenthood.

I am applying for paid positions, but am not receiving any response.

"Keep in touch", "we'll get back to you". For 7 months.

I have been for a CV check, and my CV is still fine, so I do not see what the problem is.

Yesterday, I went to talk to an animation company, they said they'll send me an email with details of an artist who requires admin help and possible illustrators – of course I hold out hope that they do, I would gladly accept, even though it means commuting to … Horncastle. And that would mean relying on the dodgy bus service.

But this week I am forsaking jobseeking and a lecture on "How to sell yourself effectively" to work on an AOI brief.

Meanwhile, I hear news from a Mr. Paul Stolper, who will be exhibiting some work of Magne F sometime soon…

I've been away to London for the release of The Young Victoria, in which my son had a part as an extra in scenes filmed in Lincoln Cathedral.

Whilst there I went to visit Paul Stolper gallery, which was the gallery for which the Doll Proposal was initially meant for.

The gallery is a small gallery that was located not far from Hoxton Square, but has recently relocated to Bloomsbury, near to The British Museum, where we found evidence of Egyptian custard flinging at politicians….

The new Paul Stolper gallery is about the same size as the previous one, and currently has a joint exhibition of some of its artists, which does include Magne Furuholmen, but he's currently exhibiting at Galleri Trafo in Norway.

I'm hoping he might exhibit his latest work at Paul Stolper, because I will be able to go to the preview evening, which might offer the chance to meet up with him and discuss *ahem* dolls etc… Magne has expressed an interest in the Doll Proposal, and is the biggest fan of my work, it is true. The Doll aspect of my practice really established itself with my collaboration for his "Scrabble" exhibition at Sorlandets Kunstmuseum in Kristiansand, Norway in 2007.

Previously I'd only made dolls as a one off piece of work, and didn't think it would become such an integral part of my practice.

Since I returned from London, I attended the first LAN meeting, details of which can be found on the Facebook group Lincoln Artist's Network.

It was a successful meeting, members engaged in sharing ideas, and it felt more like a cohesive group than just me pitching ideas at a brick wall.

I'm still awaiting the outcome for the competition, as funding would be useful, but I plan more LAN activities, and need to get back in touch with a gallery about the group doll exhibition.

Over the past two days I haven't been able to stop building the gallery – a strange wave of creativity just took over me and I wasn't satisfied until I had the basic structure built.

Just to re-cap, the other one was mainly made out of foamboard and was a prototype. This one has been carefully engineered from card. It's still a bit rough around the edges and needs finishing touches, but now it's taken shape I've already been playing with mini lego installations……

The only thing I haven't done with it is make it foldable, so I might make another slightly more portable version that I can take out and about.

This one will be taken out, it's just a bit oafish, a bit like a ghetto blaster to an ipod.

I've had a change of mind regarding the Doll Gallery.

I was planning to go to B&Q and find some mdf board to build it out of, but on SMArt (no, you're never too old) they were making puppets out of cardboard….. hence my son collected a whole pile of cardboard boxes whilst helping out at the shop around the corner.

So I have stolen some!! It saves a trip to B&Q, is free recycled card, and with a small amount of card engineering, the Doll Gallery is now taking shape!!!

Still lurking around Uni, I'm going to the Flying Start rally on Thursday, which will hopefully give me more useful business advice, again which I would not make if I was working in an office….

Then I'm off to London on Friday, mainly celebrity spotting and sightseeing, will take in a couple of galleries, but I don't want to bore the kids too much!!

I'm researching transport for an illustration competition brief on the AOI website.

Then next week is the first LAN meeting proper…… so, busy, busy, busy!!

I've also applied for a (PAID) internship with the SEAS project – fingers crossed I get that, it's right up my street!

The kids are back at school after half term, so now I'm re-focussed on work again. I've submitted my proposal for the business competition in the hope I can achieve funding for LAN activities.

I've been meaning to go to B&Q all last week to find some offcuts of mdf to build the Doll Gallery proper, but the kids became too demanding. I hope to do that sometime this week and get started on that.

My "studio" is currently my bedroom and lately I've been thinking of using my front room instead for more space. But that would mean a LOT of work.

But currently surviving on I.S. is a financial struggle as it is, and I would love to get rid of my landlord's manky green carpet and sand back the original floorboards. Do I have the money or the help to do that? No, I do not.

So for now I'm mulling that over whilst noticing that there is no small print anywhere that limits the amount of proposals you can submit for the business prize….. the law of averages says that the more I apply, the more chance I stand of winning!

Yesterday it only took me an hour to trawl through jobs listings not to find anything remotely suitable for a single parent with a degree.

I'm still waiting a reply from an email I sent to the Arts Council over 2 weeks ago. I wanted to know whether I need to find a gallery to exhibit at before applying for funding for the Doll Proposal. A meeting was arranged, but at the time I was helping John Newling and wanted to arrange it for a more convenient time. So far my enquiries are being fobbed off, much like my job applications, and in fact everything I do at the moment.

Speculative phonecalls to galleries invoke the usual "We're not taking anyone on at the moment, we're reducing staff". I did that "sitting on my ass" apparently….

Why don't I just get paid for the work I do when the kids are at school, as an artist?

I work 9a.m. to 3.30p.m. every day, but instead of claiming benefit, there should be a working wage available for artists from some kind of National Union of Artists..or something…

I don't want to sound completely negative, as I'm slowly getting together the LAN and I'm blagging opportunities wherever I can. I generally am not a cup half full gal, more of a cup overflowing, but that's balanced against the reality of this mini Victor Meldrew character that wonders why it's February and I'm not being paid a proper graduate salary for what I'm qualified for? I mean, no one does a degree (especially in the arts) to work in some other (lower paid) job just to make ends meet.