what hadn’t been made clear was the residency started on the 26th of july.
this morning i got there early, i’ve got things to do this week and obviously am really keen to be part of the fabulous opportunity that has come my way. i was greeted with smiles and a cup of tea.
what i’m liking so far is a lack of ‘the big deal’. there were things going on around me so i was able to drink tea and look around, walk around, observe, take some pictures. it struck me that in this place a certain amount of collecting stuff, or is it amassing of stuff that has gone on. i’m going to ask if the things laying around are here for any particular purpose of if they are materials waiting to be manipulated and challenged.
there seems to be a good amount of space. i don’t know how many how people work out of here. i’m being quite quiet, this has come so out of nowhere that i feel i can be my quiet self, not having to place any social frontage to get myself seamlessly into another social seem less situation.
i have had a conversation about expectation. all that is expected is that i feel relaxed enough to do something here. i got the feeling there is space and time to talk should i not feel relaxed. at some point i might have the conversation with them about the weight of expectation that i feel in new situations. i don’t really know where it stems from. by focussing on it i suppose i make it bigger and more real, rather than accepting that it’s some sort of mental construct and as such can be deconstructed. i need to work on that. and i am of course placing a lot of expectation on them to be part of a conversation i begin about my weight of expectation. gosh, i see that as almost being quite rude actually. no wonder i pick up vibes in new situations, have i been coming across rudely because i want to talk about mental conditions that in that moment are bothering me. now there’s a question i’ll probably never get a straight answer to.
i was taken out for lunch too. a very settling experience, given that this has taken off so quickly. i was glad of an opportunity to voice things that had been concerning me and also that tomorrow is a prearranged day out so i’ll not be in at all tomorrow. lunch and conversation was rather lovely and this afternoon i’ve even done a little mark making and thrown some colour around.
so a bit of an angsty day two, i guess pretty normal given the circumstances.
