The flat dissapointment of a going to a New Years day party. The flatness of a new year and the first day of it and the air of hangover-expecting to feel a sense of recognition with someone-a longing for a lost love or homeland. A neutral, clean and comfortable home.
When I was almost thirteen years old my mother moved to Vatican City Rome to mend Papal robes. My father dissapeared. My sisters were at university. My mother left me a copy of her signature so that I could fake school letters. I moved into Canon Sherlocks house. The Canon had died two weeks previously. The shape of his body still (imprinted) on the ticking sheet upstairs. A well like the dipmade for water in flour for pastry in the mattress. His rubbish was still in the bin, mostly paper and pelargonium heads maybe he had given up eating. Radio 4 was turned down but on. And so I adopted his habits. From a very strict upbringing to no rules at all I started to live like the ninety one year old Canon who had just died. The ship was waiting for a new captain and I was it.
Tinned peaches in syrup next to Birds powdered custard. I made the obvious connection and tried them and liked them. Post war treats for a child born in 1975. I turned the radio up and enjoyed Humphrey Littleton on Sorry I haven’t a clue and several other radio programmes. The Times that came through the door for a while I read over several days. As I did with: Lolita, Pnin, Tess of the D’urbevilles. The cat seemed to accept me as the new master. Drawers and drawers of things-even a table that I thought had false pockets opened and yeilded a set of silver asleep on cobalt velvet beds.
Wine stains on the wall
The rope on by the stairs shiny with grease
Birds custard powder
Peaches in syrup
Radio 4 (turned down not off)
Threadbare cat used to pee by the fireplace guessed it’s name began with E ‘Worm E” in a seven year old engagement diary was known by me as ‘E puss and Mr E’ ever after. I found out that Epuss was calle Edgeware several years after he died. He had brought a copper pipe slow worm in from the compost heap he briefly returned to kitten before the excitement killed him.
Portraits of past Sherlocks-dark etchings with Spaniel ear wigs
Christ in the corner looking down as an out of body experience
Two bedrooms
Walls covered in fabric-only other place Liberty of London (and Indian restaurant)
Cold in the final room and could hear next doors jacuzzi
Airing cupboard-walk in where I did a lot of my English A level essays
Painted on the landing looking out through the diamond windows under the spiders webs, slugs, snails, caterpillars and moths that lived in the overhanging thatch
Apple tree rotten in the garden and a tame fox and pheasant
Antlers on the outside of the shed-brought inside.
The kitchen- not the same.
Lined with paper sticky and rings of Lyles golden syrup Midwinter and Meissen crockery
